Caffeine
Caffeineisa chemical whichmakesyoureallyhyperandexcitedandgivesyoulotsofenergy andstuff. It'sfoundincoffee andchocolateandbawlsandenergydrinks. Idrinkthosethingsallthetimeanditmakesmefeelreallyhyperandexcitedandstuff. PeoplesayIhavetoomuchcaffeinebutthey'retotallywrong;Ionlydrinklikefifteengallonsofcoffeeadayforchristssake. ThatsnotalotyouknowwhatImean?
Contents
WhereCaffeinecanbefound[edit]
CaffeineisfoundinallsortsofplacesitsincoffeewhichIdrinkalotandinchocolateandFooshmintsandcoffee.
IreallylikedrinkingcoffeeittastesgoodanditgivesmeabuzzanditkeepsmefromfallingasleepwhenIminthemiddleofsomething. OnetimeIdrankfiftysixcupsofcoffeeandeverythingwasmovingreallyslowlylikeIwasinTheMatrix. CaffeineisalsofoundincaffeinepillswhicharepillsofpurecaffeinethosereallygiveyouaboostIdonteventakethemoneatatimeItake themonebottleatatimewheneverImfeelingnormalIjustpopdownafewcasesofcaffeinepillsanditgoesaway. SomepeopleliketheircoffeewithmilkandsugarIlikethesugarsometimesbutthemilkjusttakesuproomthat couldbefilledwithextracaffeine. Ilikeeatingdoughnutstoowithmycoffeedoughnutsarereallygoodwithcoffeeyoucandunkthemandeatthemthenhavemorecoffeeand moredoughnuts. roflroflroflroflroflroflrofln00bFooshmintsarethesemintsthathavecaffeineinthemtheyaregoodbecausetheyhavethesameamountofcaffeineasacupofcoffeebuttheymakeyourbreathsmellnice unlikecoffeewhichmakesitsmellbadmybreathsmellsbadfromcoffeealotbecauseIdrinkmorethan mostpeoplebutthenIjusttakesomeFooshmintsandmybreathsmellsniceagain. Caffeineismadeofamixtureofcalciumflourideironiodideandneon.
UsesofCaffeine[edit]
Caffeineisusedtokeepyouupandkeepyoufrom fallingasleepitcertainlyworksformeInevergotosleepIhaven'tsleptforlikethreeyearsit'stooboring you justlaythereanddonothingyouknowwhatImean?Istarteddrinkinglotsoofcoffeeincollegebecauseineededtostayuplate tofinishhomeworkbutitwaskindahardtoreadbecausethewordskeptmovingalloverthepageitwasreallyannoyingIthoughtitwas becauseIwasgettingtiredsoIhadmore caffeineandIpassedoutthenwhenIwokeupmyroommatewasalllike "Dudeyoudrankwaytoomuchcoffee."onlyhesaiditreallyslowlylike "Dude, you drank way too much coffee."
CaffeineisalsousefulAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! whenyou'replayinggamesbecauseyoucanbereallyalertand fastandyouplaybetterespeciallybecauseyou'reprobablyplayingatnightwhenmostpeopleareasleepsoyouhavetohave
calmingeffectsofcaffeinearesmonsterifficwiththecaffeieneatingkittenswhilehuffingtheoneswithorangecoatsmakinggocrazy
likethecaffeinewiththecaffeinetostayawakethismakesitreallypopularamonggamerswhoconsumeitinlargeammountsbuttheydefinitelydon'tuseitasmuchasIdo.CaffeineundvideogamesTOTHECLOUD!!!Idon'tuseitforgamingmostofthetimethough
IjusttakeitbecauseitmakesmealwhackedupitslikeadruglikekittensonlyitswaybetteryouknowwhatImean?
Cappucino[edit]
Cappucinoisagreatdrink(atleastsometypesofitaregreat)andisveryusefulwhenyourmamma
says"Youcan'tdrinkcoffeeyou'retooyoungandwon'tbeabletosleeptonightifyouconsumetoomuchcaffeine"
andyoucanjustbuyacappucinoandpretendit'sahotchocolatebecauseitkindalookssimilaryouknowwhatImean?
Let'stakealookatsomeofthepopularandnotsopopulartypesofcappucinoshallwe?
TypesofCappucino[edit]
- Cappucino:themostpopulartypeofcappucinoandthereforethebestgettheidea?
- Frapacino:anicedbeveragethatidonotpreferbecauseofthelakeofcoffeitsmostlymadefromice,whippedcream,andsomeotherstuffsthatsnotcoffee.
- Moccacino:thesecondmostpopulartypeofcappucinoandIhateitbecauseitgotinventedbysomeAustralianterroristplanningtotakeovertheworld.
- Megaccino:likecappucinobutevenbettercauseit'sbiggergettheidea?
- Muggaccino:analternativespellingofmegaccinobutmorestraightforwardyouknowwhatImean?
- Catpoocino:someweirdtypeofcoffeeinwhichthenutsarefirstdigestedbyawildcatbeforebeingprocessed. Itrieditbutitwassodisgustingespeciallythecolourandflavouranditdidn'tmakemefeelasgoodasI'dexpecteditwouldDAMMIT!
- Flametreecino:thiswasinventedbysomeotherhypoAustralianandismadeoutofthegroundseedsofBrachychitonacerifoliumwhichmeansitisnotarealcappucino. IhatethisonetoobecauseapparentlyitCONTAINSNOCAFFEINEATALL.
- Broccocino:apositivelyweirdtypeofcappucinomadebackinthedarkagesforsuperrichkingsandqueensandit'smadeofamixtureofcappucinoandbroccolidisgustingeh? TheyreckonitcausedJulanoMobileatoinventtheRubbisch languagebutIknowbetterthantobelievethemhehheh!
- Kylesmomaccino:bestservedwithwhippedcreamandadoubleshotofoohididntknowthiswaspossiblekylesmom!!
EffectsofCaffeine[edit]
ScientistssaythatcaffeineisadrugbecauseitisnotafoodanditeffectsthewaythebrainworksI'veneverhadanydrugsbesidescaffeinesoIwouldn'tknow. CaffeinereallymakesmeallweirdandcrazyIguessthatstheeffectithasonthebrainbecausewheneverIhaveliketwoboxesofcaffeinepillsIgetatonofenergyandIgetallhyperandstuffyouknowwhatImean? butmostofthetimeitjustgetsmereallyhyperandenergeticandhappyandcontenttodothiungslikewhateverimdoingbutmakesimorefunandinterestingandholycrapidontknowwhereiputmykeysohyeahIfound themlyingnearmybedCaffeineusedtobereallyeffectiveIcouldjusthavefiveorsixcupsandIwouldgetallhyperandexcitedandstuffbutnowcaffeineisnotsoexcitinganymoreIhavetohavelotsofittogetabuzz IguessthatsbecauseIgotusedtoitovertimelikesomescientistssaythatIfyoutakeadrugalotyougetusedtoitsoyouhavetotakemoreotherwiseitwon'thaveaneffect. Speakingofscientistssomeofthemdidanexpirimentonspiderswheretheygavethemsomecaffeineandlookedattheirwebsandtheywereallfuckedupitwaslikethemormalspiderswebwasallcondensed andneatandthenthecaffeinatedspiderwebwasgoingallovertheplaceitwaslikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!youknowwhatImean? SometimesifIhaveenoughcaffeineIgetlikethatI'malllikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!andI'mgoingallovertheplaceyouknowwhatImean?
Overuse[edit]
Overuseofcaffeinecanmakeyouimpatentandyoucanneverhavesexwithawoman.butifyoudrinkthatmuchcaffeineyouwillprobablyneverhavesexanyway. Youwillalsohavecaffeinebabiestheequivalenttocrackbabies.
AlternativestoCaffeine[edit]
SomepeoplesaythatcaffeineisbadforyoubecauseitmakesyourheartgoreallyfastandsoundlikeamachinegunbutIdon'tknowanythingaboutthatI'vebeenoncaffeineforthepastfifteenyearsnow soIdon'tthinkitsreallythatbadbutmaybeitisandiwilldieanearlydeath. Ifyouthinkcaffeinemightbebadforyouthereareseveralalternativestoitthatmakeyouallexcitedandstuffimgoingtotellthemtoyou nowsoyoubetterlistenbecauseaparentlyItalkreallyfastIdon'tthinkIdobuteveryoneImeetsaysthatsoIguesIdoanywayheregoes:
- Adrenaline -Adrenalineisgreatyoucanfinditinhospitalsbecausetheyuseitforpeoplewhoseheartsstopbeatingsoifyouraidahospitalyoucangetsomeandinjectacoupledozendoses inI'vehadadrenalinebeforeitwasreallygreatalmostasgoodascaffeinebutitwassohardtogetIthinkiwouldprefercoffee.
- Sugar -OndayswhenIhavetwicetheammountofcoffeeInormallydopeopleatworkaskmeifI'vebeeneatingthesugaroutofthesugarbowlofcourseineverdothatIjustdrinkcoffeebutIguesssome peopleliketodothatbecauseittastesgoodtheonlyproblemisittakesalotofsugartogiveyouabuzzanditwearsoffprettyquickly.
- Cocaine -Aparentlycocaineisillegalbecausepeoplegetaddictedtoitanditkillspeoplebutitdidn'treallyhaveamajoreffectonmebecauseitookitduringamajorcaffeinehighsonothingreally happenedthatInoticedifyouwanttouseititsprobablymoreharmfulthancaffeineanditcostsahellofalotofmoneybutwhateveryouknowwhatImean?
- Taurine-It'slikecaffeineoncocaineormaybemorelikecocaineoncaffeinewhichiskindofironicwhenyouthinkaboutitbuttheystickitinRedBullhencethenameandittasteslikesourgymsocksbut
DAMNitgetsyougoinginthemorningIoncedrankacanoftaurineandaced4finalexamsinonedaywithoutstudyingforthembecausetaurinemakesyouSMARTandsometimesyoumixitwith
inositolandglucoseandmethandyougoINSANEliketotatllybatfuckinsaneWAHAHAHAHAHoooooooooooWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEI'mafiremanIalwayswantedtobeafiremanand
arobotninjakaratepolicemanastronautwhofightscrimeandsavespeoplebutrightnowIhavetogotoworkanddostuffbecausemybossisgettingharassedbyhissuperiorssoweallhavetowork
overtimewhichiswhyIdrankallthisfreakingRedBullinthefirstplace! - Speed-Amphetaminesofvarioussortsarelikesuperiorcaffeineinthattheyhavesimilarorbettereffectswithoutthehearttroubleandthestomachtroubleandwithspeedyoudon'tworryaboutnot
sleepingyoujustdon'tsleepuntilyoudoandthenboydoyousleepandbesidesthere'sabunchofamphetaminesthatworkfastorslowandlastalongtimeorgiveyouabigrushallatoncebutthe60'srockgroup CannedHeatsaid"speedkills"butdrugsdon'tkillpeoplestoppedheartsandlackofrespirationkillspeopleandBritishpopculturehasbeendependentonamphetaminesfordecadestherewouldbenoWhono modsandforthatmatternoElvisCostellowithoutamphetaminesandyoucan'thavetruckerswithoutlittlewhitepillsSixDaysOnTheRoadandI'mgonnamakeithometonightjustgimmeweedwhitesandwine andI'llbewillingsoyouknowthetimesaresuchthatitdoesn'tmatterthatyou'reparanoidbecausethere'ssomuchmoretobeafraidofthanyouhavetimefor
- Crack-onceyou'vetriedcrackthere'snothingelsetodoandnothingelsethatmattersbutthat'sbecauseeverypartofyourbrainexceptthepartthatlikescrackandthepartthatmakesyoufeelutterlyvile whenyoudon'thavecrackjustDIESandrotsawayleavingbighollowechoeyplaceswherethewindwhispersCrackCrackCrack
- Electricity-BetweendeadandwelldoneisaplacewhereeverythinghappensatonceandtimestopsandyouareSOFASTunfortunatelyithurtslikeeverycellwenttoitsownhellanditsareallyhardlighttowalktowards
- GET SOME SLEEP-
fuckofficantdothatshitigottogetupintimesoicanmakemycoffeeinthemorningandthensnortsomecaffeinethengotostarbuckstogetmorecoffeeandthengotoworkandmakemorecoffeeandthenihavetodoworkandthenigobacktothecoffeemachinethenigobackandforthallday andthenigohomeafterimakecoffeeonemoretimethenstopatstarbuckstogetmorethengethometomakemoreandthenicantsleepsoigetmorecoffeeandthenistillcantsleepsoiinhalesomepowderedcaffeinetohelpmesleepandthen ITS ALREADY TIME TO GO TO WORK SHIT CAFFEINEINHIGHQUANTITIESCAUSESMYFRIENDSTOTELLMETHENEXTMORNINGABOUTALLTHESEWEIRDSOUNDSIWASMAKINGBUTIDONTREMEMBERTHATPARTTHEYALSOVIDEOTAPED MEHAVINGASEIZURE BUTIDELETEDITCAUSEIWASALLLIKEGASHASHASHASHAYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?ITSCAREDMEIWASALLLIKEHOLYCRAPYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?
Inshort[edit]
SoyeahIguesswhatI'mtryingtosayisthemorecaffeinethebetteryouknowwhatImean? Butsometimes the coffee high can wear down and you start to feel normal ttthhheeennn yyyooouuu gggeeettt rrreeeaaalll sssllleeepppyyy until you drink more coffee.
Conclusion[edit]
Whew. That's better. Hm. I feel sort of lethargic. Could you please pass the caffeine?
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