Caffeine

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Caffeine.
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Thisishowacaffeinemolecule looksofcourseitdoesn'tactually looklikethatthisisjustadiagram ofhowthemoleculeisstructured inreallifeitlookslikeawhite powderunlessitsdissolvedin coffeeorsomething.

Caffeineisa chemical whichmakesyoureallyhyperandexcitedandgivesyoulotsofenergy andstuff. It'sfoundincoffee andchocolateandbawlsandenergydrinks. Idrinkthosethingsallthetimeanditmakesmefeelreallyhyperandexcitedandstuff. PeoplesayIhavetoomuchcaffeinebutthey'retotallywrong;Ionlydrinklikefifteengallonsofcoffeeadayforchristssake. ThatsnotalotyouknowwhatImean?

WhereCaffeinecanbefound[edit]

Theyputcaffeine inthewaterthat makethewatercoffeeohmygodfdg

CaffeineisfoundinallsortsofplacesitsincoffeewhichIdrinkalotandinchocolateandFooshmintsandcoffee.

IreallylikedrinkingcoffeeittastesgoodanditgivesmeabuzzanditkeepsmefromfallingasleepwhenIminthemiddleofsomething. OnetimeIdrankfiftysixcupsofcoffeeandeverythingwasmovingreallyslowlylikeIwasinTheMatrix. CaffeineisalsofoundincaffeinepillswhicharepillsofpurecaffeinethosereallygiveyouaboostIdonteventakethemoneatatimeItake themonebottleatatimewheneverImfeelingnormalIjustpopdownafewcasesofcaffeinepillsanditgoesaway. SomepeopleliketheircoffeewithmilkandsugarIlikethesugarsometimesbutthemilkjusttakesuproomthat couldbefilledwithextracaffeine. Ilikeeatingdoughnutstoowithmycoffeedoughnutsarereallygoodwithcoffeeyoucandunkthemandeatthemthenhavemorecoffeeand moredoughnuts. roflroflroflroflroflroflrofln00bFooshmintsarethesemintsthathavecaffeineinthemtheyaregoodbecausetheyhavethesameamountofcaffeineasacupofcoffeebuttheymakeyourbreathsmellnice unlikecoffeewhichmakesitsmellbadmybreathsmellsbadfromcoffeealotbecauseIdrinkmorethan mostpeoplebutthenIjusttakesomeFooshmintsandmybreathsmellsniceagain. Caffeineismadeofamixtureofcalciumflourideironiodideandneon.

UsesofCaffeine[edit]

Itriedtomakea drawingbutmyhandwas goingallovertheplaceso Icouldn'tyouknow whatImean?

Caffeineisusedtokeepyouupandkeepyoufrom fallingasleepitcertainlyworksformeInevergotosleepIhaven'tsleptforlikethreeyearsit'stooboring you justlaythereanddonothingyouknowwhatImean?Istarteddrinkinglotsoofcoffeeincollegebecauseineededtostayuplate tofinishhomeworkbutitwaskindahardtoreadbecausethewordskeptmovingalloverthepageitwasreallyannoyingIthoughtitwas becauseIwasgettingtiredsoIhadmore caffeineandIpassedoutthenwhenIwokeupmyroommatewasalllike "Dudeyoudrankwaytoomuchcoffee."onlyhesaiditreallyslowlylike "Dude, you drank way too much coffee."

CaffeineisalsousefulAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! whenyou'replayinggamesbecauseyoucanbereallyalertand fastandyouplaybetterespeciallybecauseyou'reprobablyplayingatnightwhenmostpeopleareasleepsoyouhavetohave calmingeffectsofcaffeinearesmonsterifficwiththecaffeieneatingkittenswhilehuffingtheoneswithorangecoatsmakinggocrazy likethecaffeinewiththecaffeinetostayawakethismakesitreallypopularamonggamerswhoconsumeitinlargeammountsbuttheydefinitelydon'tuseitasmuchasIdo.CaffeineundvideogamesTOTHECLOUD!!!Idon'tuseitforgamingmostofthetimethough IjusttakeitbecauseitmakesmealwhackedupitslikeadruglikekittensonlyitswaybetteryouknowwhatImean?

Cappucino[edit]

Cappucinoisagreatdrink(atleastsometypesofitaregreat)andisveryusefulwhenyourmamma says"Youcan'tdrinkcoffeeyou'retooyoungandwon'tbeabletosleeptonightifyouconsumetoomuchcaffeine" andyoucanjustbuyacappucinoandpretendit'sahotchocolatebecauseitkindalookssimilaryouknowwhatImean? Let'stakealookatsomeofthepopularandnotsopopulartypesofcappucinoshallwe?

TypesofCappucino[edit]

  • Cappucino:themostpopulartypeofcappucinoandthereforethebestgettheidea?
  • Frapacino:anicedbeveragethatidonotpreferbecauseofthelakeofcoffeitsmostlymadefromice,whippedcream,andsomeotherstuffsthatsnotcoffee.
  • Moccacino:thesecondmostpopulartypeofcappucinoandIhateitbecauseitgotinventedbysomeAustralianterroristplanningtotakeovertheworld.
  • Megaccino:likecappucinobutevenbettercauseit'sbiggergettheidea?
  • Muggaccino:analternativespellingofmegaccinobutmorestraightforwardyouknowwhatImean?
  • Catpoocino:someweirdtypeofcoffeeinwhichthenutsarefirstdigestedbyawildcatbeforebeingprocessed. Itrieditbutitwassodisgustingespeciallythecolourandflavouranditdidn'tmakemefeelasgoodasI'dexpecteditwouldDAMMIT!
  • Flametreecino:thiswasinventedbysomeotherhypoAustralianandismadeoutofthegroundseedsofBrachychitonacerifoliumwhichmeansitisnotarealcappucino. IhatethisonetoobecauseapparentlyitCONTAINSNOCAFFEINEATALL.
  • Broccocino:apositivelyweirdtypeofcappucinomadebackinthedarkagesforsuperrichkingsandqueensandit'smadeofamixtureofcappucinoandbroccolidisgustingeh? TheyreckonitcausedJulanoMobileatoinventtheRubbisch languagebutIknowbetterthantobelievethemhehheh!
  • Kylesmomaccino:bestservedwithwhippedcreamandadoubleshotofoohididntknowthiswaspossiblekylesmom!!


EffectsofCaffeine[edit]

ScientistssaythatcaffeineisadrugbecauseitisnotafoodanditeffectsthewaythebrainworksI'veneverhadanydrugsbesidescaffeinesoIwouldn'tknow. CaffeinereallymakesmeallweirdandcrazyIguessthatstheeffectithasonthebrainbecausewheneverIhaveliketwoboxesofcaffeinepillsIgetatonofenergyandIgetallhyperandstuffyouknowwhatImean? butmostofthetimeitjustgetsmereallyhyperandenergeticandhappyandcontenttodothiungslikewhateverimdoingbutmakesimorefunandinterestingandholycrapidontknowwhereiputmykeysohyeahIfound themlyingnearmybedCaffeineusedtobereallyeffectiveIcouldjusthavefiveorsixcupsandIwouldgetallhyperandexcitedandstuffbutnowcaffeineisnotsoexcitinganymoreIhavetohavelotsofittogetabuzz IguessthatsbecauseIgotusedtoitovertimelikesomescientistssaythatIfyoutakeadrugalotyougetusedtoitsoyouhavetotakemoreotherwiseitwon'thaveaneffect. Speakingofscientistssomeofthemdidanexpirimentonspiderswheretheygavethemsomecaffeineandlookedattheirwebsandtheywereallfuckedupitwaslikethemormalspiderswebwasallcondensed andneatandthenthecaffeinatedspiderwebwasgoingallovertheplaceitwaslikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!youknowwhatImean? SometimesifIhaveenoughcaffeineIgetlikethatI'malllikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!andI'mgoingallovertheplaceyouknowwhatImean?

Overuse[edit]

Overuseofcaffeinecanmakeyouimpatentandyoucanneverhavesexwithawoman.butifyoudrinkthatmuchcaffeineyouwillprobablyneverhavesexanyway. Youwillalsohavecaffeinebabiestheequivalenttocrackbabies.

AlternativestoCaffeine[edit]

SomepeoplesaythatcaffeineisbadforyoubecauseitmakesyourheartgoreallyfastandsoundlikeamachinegunbutIdon'tknowanythingaboutthatI'vebeenoncaffeineforthepastfifteenyearsnow soIdon'tthinkitsreallythatbadbutmaybeitisandiwilldieanearlydeath. Ifyouthinkcaffeinemightbebadforyouthereareseveralalternativestoitthatmakeyouallexcitedandstuffimgoingtotellthemtoyou nowsoyoubetterlistenbecauseaparentlyItalkreallyfastIdon'tthinkIdobuteveryoneImeetsaysthatsoIguesIdoanywayheregoes:

  1. Adrenaline -Adrenalineisgreatyoucanfinditinhospitalsbecausetheyuseitforpeoplewhoseheartsstopbeatingsoifyouraidahospitalyoucangetsomeandinjectacoupledozendoses inI'vehadadrenalinebeforeitwasreallygreatalmostasgoodascaffeinebutitwassohardtogetIthinkiwouldprefercoffee.
  2. Sugar -OndayswhenIhavetwicetheammountofcoffeeInormallydopeopleatworkaskmeifI'vebeeneatingthesugaroutofthesugarbowlofcourseineverdothatIjustdrinkcoffeebutIguesssome peopleliketodothatbecauseittastesgoodtheonlyproblemisittakesalotofsugartogiveyouabuzzanditwearsoffprettyquickly.
  3. Cocaine -Aparentlycocaineisillegalbecausepeoplegetaddictedtoitanditkillspeoplebutitdidn'treallyhaveamajoreffectonmebecauseitookitduringamajorcaffeinehighsonothingreally happenedthatInoticedifyouwanttouseititsprobablymoreharmfulthancaffeineanditcostsahellofalotofmoneybutwhateveryouknowwhatImean?
  4. Taurine-It'slikecaffeineoncocaineormaybemorelikecocaineoncaffeinewhichiskindofironicwhenyouthinkaboutitbuttheystickitinRedBullhencethenameandittasteslikesourgymsocksbut
    DAMNitgetsyougoinginthemorningIoncedrankacanoftaurineandaced4finalexamsinonedaywithoutstudyingforthembecausetaurinemakesyouSMARTandsometimesyoumixitwith
    inositolandglucoseandmethandyougoINSANEliketotatllybatfuckinsaneWAHAHAHAHAHoooooooooooWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEI'mafiremanIalwayswantedtobeafiremanand
    arobotninjakaratepolicemanastronautwhofightscrimeandsavespeoplebutrightnowIhavetogotoworkanddostuffbecausemybossisgettingharassedbyhissuperiorssoweallhavetowork
    overtimewhichiswhyIdrankallthisfreakingRedBullinthefirstplace!
  5. Speed-Amphetaminesofvarioussortsarelikesuperiorcaffeineinthattheyhavesimilarorbettereffectswithoutthehearttroubleandthestomachtroubleandwithspeedyoudon'tworryaboutnot

sleepingyoujustdon'tsleepuntilyoudoandthenboydoyousleepandbesidesthere'sabunchofamphetaminesthatworkfastorslowandlastalongtimeorgiveyouabigrushallatoncebutthe60'srockgroup CannedHeatsaid"speedkills"butdrugsdon'tkillpeoplestoppedheartsandlackofrespirationkillspeopleandBritishpopculturehasbeendependentonamphetaminesfordecadestherewouldbenoWhono modsandforthatmatternoElvisCostellowithoutamphetaminesandyoucan'thavetruckerswithoutlittlewhitepillsSixDaysOnTheRoadandI'mgonnamakeithometonightjustgimmeweedwhitesandwine andI'llbewillingsoyouknowthetimesaresuchthatitdoesn'tmatterthatyou'reparanoidbecausethere'ssomuchmoretobeafraidofthanyouhavetimefor

  1. Crack-onceyou'vetriedcrackthere'snothingelsetodoandnothingelsethatmattersbutthat'sbecauseeverypartofyourbrainexceptthepartthatlikescrackandthepartthatmakesyoufeelutterlyvile whenyoudon'thavecrackjustDIESandrotsawayleavingbighollowechoeyplaceswherethewindwhispersCrackCrackCrack
  2. Electricity-BetweendeadandwelldoneisaplacewhereeverythinghappensatonceandtimestopsandyouareSOFASTunfortunatelyithurtslikeeverycellwenttoitsownhellanditsareallyhardlighttowalktowards
  3. GET SOME SLEEP-

fuckofficantdothatshitigottogetupintimesoicanmakemycoffeeinthemorningandthensnortsomecaffeinethengotostarbuckstogetmorecoffeeandthengotoworkandmakemorecoffeeandthenihavetodoworkandthenigobacktothecoffeemachinethenigobackandforthallday andthenigohomeafterimakecoffeeonemoretimethenstopatstarbuckstogetmorethengethometomakemoreandthenicantsleepsoigetmorecoffeeandthenistillcantsleepsoiinhalesomepowderedcaffeinetohelpmesleepandthen ITS ALREADY TIME TO GO TO WORK SHIT CAFFEINEINHIGHQUANTITIESCAUSESMYFRIENDSTOTELLMETHENEXTMORNINGABOUTALLTHESEWEIRDSOUNDSIWASMAKINGBUTIDONTREMEMBERTHATPARTTHEYALSOVIDEOTAPED MEHAVINGASEIZURE BUTIDELETEDITCAUSEIWASALLLIKEGASHASHASHASHAYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?ITSCAREDMEIWASALLLIKEHOLYCRAPYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?

Inshort[edit]

SoyeahIguesswhatI'mtryingtosayisthemorecaffeinethebetteryouknowwhatImean? Butsometimes the coffee high can wear down and you start to feel normal ttthhheeennn yyyooouuu gggeeettt rrreeeaaalll sssllleeepppyyy until you drink more coffee.

Conclusion[edit]

Whew. That's better. Hm. I feel sort of lethargic. Could you please pass the caffeine?



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