Tongue
“The gift that keeps on giving.”
“The farther down my throat the better”
One of the most obvious aspects of the tongue is that it's in your mouth. If it isn't in your mouth, or at least attached to the bottom of your mouth, then it isn't your tongue, or you've just had it cut off. This is assuming that it's not the Tongue on the north coast of Scotland of course. Another obvious statement is that when the tongue is removed, there is blood and pain. And it's red. If it's not red, then you must be on some sort of hallucinogen, unless you've been eating Black Jacks. It also works alongside its dearest comrade, the nose. Many tales in the past have been written of glorious tongues committing suicide when the nose was destroyed. Few know that if some body's nose is removed, the tongue attempts to follow it. Tongues are a very faithful creature, and they can taste things.
The tongue is capable of tasting five distinct different types of flavor: These include Your Mom, Fire, Razor Blades, Bob Barker, and Sushi. The combination of these unique flavors is what creates every flavor known to man, with the exception of Cheese. This specimen has a flavor unique as its own, and may reveal the existence of hidden "Ninja Taste Buds" secretly placed on the tongue by extraterrestrial beings for the sole purpose of registering the taste of cheese.
History of the tongue[edit | edit source]
The tongue was invented 10000 BC by the master cook, Emeril Lagasse, so that he could taste the amazing things he cooked. He wanted people to actually be able to appreciate his food he took such care to create, instead of just taking it and eating it for the sheer necessity of eating. With the tongue, he could be appreciated for what he did more, and probably impress some beautiful women on the way. His intentions were fulfilled, he did impress many with his food, but he didn't receive any credit for inventing the tongue. In fact, the thing that angers him most in life is that he was not credited with the invention of the tongue. In fact, if you stick your tongue out at him, he will probably say: "HEY! I MADE THAT!"
Not too long after Emeril created the tongue for humans, other forms of sentient life noticed its usefulness, and began to steal it and adapt it to their own species. The dog species was able to improve on the tongue the most, much like the way Japan improves on the computer technology that America originally made and makes those old products look like crap. They created much larger tongues, that were also quite wet and useful for licking things to death.
Uses for the tongue[edit | edit source]
- lesbians
- licking your elbow
- eating
- tasting
- annoying your parents between the ages of 3 and 11
- implying willingness to perform cunnilingus
- touching your nose
- making out
- getting stuck to a flag pole
Tongue types[edit | edit source]
The Kitten Tongue A very small, cute, short tongue. Often light pink and featureless in appearance.
The Dog Tongue A very wide, flat tongue of medium length, with significant texture.
The Lesbian Tongue or Gene Simmons Tongue The most popular tongue with lesbians, as the name implies. A very long tongue, with thin to medium thickness, often with a questionable curl and highly functional tip.
The Lizardman Tongue A tongue that has been bifurcated and meant to look like a reptile's.
