Gym Basketball

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~ Typical cry during gym basketball.

“Come on Steiner! CALL IT ALREADY!”

~ Second typical cry, usually follows.

“I can't believe he's making us do push-ups.”

~ Third typical cry, usually at the end of gym class.

Gym Basketball is an activity played in gym class for every highschooler. Even though basketball is a fun sport and is very lovable, it is commonly one of the least liked activities played in gym class throughout the globe.

You during gym class.
The other kids during gym class. Loud and hyperactive with a tint of deadly


Gym basketball was first played during the days of segregation, within the school that taught African Americans. In 1935, during gym class in a highschool in Florida, when one of the very few activities was winter beer pong; a plead was casted. Jamal Kill'em was the only boy in the whole school who was under seven feet tall. In fact, he was only four-foot three inches. Jamal was tired of always struggling to reach the table to shoot (because the table was raised for the other kids, who were noticeably taller than Jamal) and cried every day after gym class.

One day, his gym teacher asked him why he was "crying like a pussy" and Jamal squeezed out the words, "All I want for Christmas is to be able to dunk".

That very Christmas, the gym teacher gave Jamal some Dunkin Donuts and coffee to 'dunk' with. Jamal was only half pleased, so he clearified with the gym teacher what he meant by "I wanna be able to dunk some motha'fuckin' ping pong balls into the damn cups!"

It was then that next gym class when Jamal was sent to play with the kindergarten gym class and the gym teacher introduced to the other kids a new sport to be brought to gym class; basketball.

Jamal, infamously a short black kid.


In gym basketball, the rules are different:

* You are allowed to up-and-down without foul, no matter how much times you do it

* You are allowed to travel and continue playing

* You are allowed to charge and kill the shooter, because you're not gonna get called for it

* You are allowed to double dribble... thrice.

* You are allowed to slap, hard.

* Holding is acceptable.

* No matter what the actual kid on your team that plays actual basketball for the school's basketball team, you are right and he is wrong. Even though he's way better than you, you are better than him. Never pass it to him. He will miss, even though he probably will swish like an NBA star.

* The losing team runs extra laps and does tons of push-ups.

* You are allowed to scream at that kid who plays actual basketball for the school, who in most cases ends up running and doing push-ups because he was stuck with the sucky kids when you get into the locker room. And when he screams back that he was right and stop blaming him says it is your own fault because he's the only one who knows what he is doing and plays basketball, you tell that kid to stop screaming and calm down.

* You are allowed to stack your team

Does your gym teacher agree with these rules?[edit]


Does he care anyway?[edit]


Will you still have to do push-ups and extra running?[edit]


Is the writer pissed because this happened to him earlier today when he wrote this?[edit]

Shut up...

You are! Aren't you?[edit]


Admit it[edit]

Fine, yes!

Are you still pissed?[edit]


Are you that one kid who actually plays basketball and gets screamed at?[edit]


Are you?[edit]

Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!


Fuck off

Are you too pissed at me now to explain further?[edit]


I take that as a yes[edit]

See also[edit]