From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“I have been to hell, and it reminded me of kindergarten.”

~ Oscar Wilde on kindergarten

Kindergarten comes from two Latin words. "Kinder" meaning brutality, and "garten" meaning military compound.

Kindergarten originated in Europe, around the year 1760 AD. It was originally meant to be a safe house in which parents dump their children in case of war. Because of the war, kindergartens were teeming with security to protect the wee ones inside. Soon the casualties from the war were taking its toll, and the security was removed for higher purposes. The residents of the kindergarten had to learn to defend themselves.

A child being taught in the ways of the Western nunchakus.

Eventually kindergartens became outright military camps, where children were captured and trained in techniques to deal with threats like British invasion, The French, the boogie man, dictators, governors, Alien abductions, and those goddamn Swissfive dollar footlongs Now days, it has become the proving ground that will separate the nerds from the rest. Usually, if the kinderbrat shows signs of weakness, he will picked on for the rest of his/her life. So it is imperative that children already have a strong fighting spirit before entering the halls of kinder.

Current Efforts[edit | edit source]

After kindergarten task forces defeated the French in a surprisingly easy assault, they have redirected their forces for higher ranked targets.

Several kindergarteners unsuccessfully trying to apprehend the most wanted man in the world.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has become one of the biggest threats to kindergarten. After Arnold went on a steady diet of eating children and large babies, he has become top priority. The effort still continues today.

Hope For The Future[edit | edit source]

Even with all the anti-kindergarten groups, there is still a shining hope for kindergarten. That is the future. Yes, with advanced training, superior intelligence, and of course anabolic steroids, kindergartens will be the top militaristic force in the near future.

Behold, the kindergartener of the future!