Aaron Rodgers
“Anyone who plays quarterback in Green Bay is a loser.”
“I agree with Brett Favre.”
“No one cares about your opinion.”
“Anyone who plays quarterback for the Jets is a loser.”
“I agree with Brett Favre.”
 Aaron Rodgers fighting off Favre Fans. | |
| No. 8, 12 | |
|---|---|
| Position: | High |
| Personal information | |
| Born: |
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| Height: | 6' 2" |
| Weight: | It's all love and drugs, maaan |
| Career information | |
| College: | Cal |
| NFL Draft: | 2005 / Round: 1 / Pick: Not #1. It's his fault! |
| Career history | |
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| Career highlights and awards | |
NFL records
| |
| Career NFL statistics | |
| Pro Bowls: | Too many |
| Honors: | Biggest prick |
| Super Bowls: | That one a long time ago that caused him to be so entitled |
| TD: | A lot, until he started taking ayahuasca |
| INT: | None, until he started taking ayahuasca |
| Player stats at NFL.com | |
A. A. Ron "Its His Fault" Rodgers (born December 2, 1983) is the man who has replaced God Himself (I mean, Brett Favre) as the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers. Although replacing God himself, he quickly ascended to the title of Jesus. Once he gained this title, he used his newfound powers to usurp the mantle of God and claim all powers for himself.
Rodgers is a cock-sucking, jizz-farming, cum-gargling ass hole who often engages in sexual activity with Clay "The Gay" Matthews. Rodgers was sent to Disneyworld where he had to fight off thousands of angry Bears fans to return to his peaceful home in The Shire. 20 years later, he would go on to replace Favre as God in New Jersey. Unfortunately, God was not with him as his ankle exploded the moment he stepped onto the field there.
So, why is it all his fault?[edit | edit source]
The Running Game[edit | edit source]
The running game this season consisted of John Kuhn and Brandon Jackson. This duo was all that remained after the Battle of Endor. However, Rodgers, wielding the lightning powers bestowed upon him by the great Clay Matthews III, Rodgers was able to run the ball himself, even defeating Oscar Wilde in a footrace from Wisconsin to the Taj Mahal
The Line[edit | edit source]
So, who is blocking?! I'll tell you who The Ghost of Jesus! Unfortunately Aaron Rodgers got sacked, a lot, something that never happened to Brett Favre in the history of his 19 (million) year career. Favre would jump on top of the pass rush, stand on their heads, and throw a rocket pass down field to nobody that would kill at least three defenders before he caught it himself. Aaron Rodgers... couldn't do that. But Rodgers did win Super Bowl MVP, which is something that "God himself" never did.
The Deformed Defense Of Kids[edit | edit source]
Every play against the 2008 Packers defense was a touchdown. Until 2009 when the Packers brought in Dom Capers. Capers then said, "I PITTY THE FOO!." and the Packers defense never gave up another score until Tom Brady impregnated another supermodel.
The Wind[edit | edit source]
Clay Matthews III controls the wind. (and everything else for that matter)
The Maya Calendar[edit | edit source]
In December of 2012, the whole world will come to a screeching, blood-curdling halt. You have to admit that it's a distraction, right? Not for Rodgers who will continue to play football under a 13 mile-deep glacier, leagues of cold and dark water, and the inevitable rise to power of Prince, who shall be the glorious dictator of the Republic of the World.
Snap count[edit | edit source]
If you're watching a Packers game and you see Aaron Rodgers at the line of scrimmage, there's a good chance you'll hear him yell "Blue 58!". This is because, due to a huge misconception, Rodgers actually created the Roman Numeral system. In 200 B.C. the Romans, tired of requiring 13 scholars to calculate his passer rating, get the idea for the numeral system from hearing Rodgers snap-counts.
YES IT'S HIS FAULT[edit | edit source]
After all of these expert observations as to why it may not be Rodger's fault, it's still his fault.
- Brett Favre is God. (Who happens to have an equal number of Super Bowl rings as Rodgers, so really is the God)
- Brett Favre would have made the defense worse by throwing consecutive interceptions near the Packer's own red-zone.
- Brett Favre would have been productive when it came to 4th quarter comebacks. Productive in this case meaning able to get 5 yards downfield before throwing an interception rather than going 50 and Mason Crosby missing a field-goal kick.
- Brett Favre didn't lose to a "fail Mary" and have incompetent refs. It's all Rodgers' fault!
- Brett Favre went to two Super Bowls while tossing picks every now and then. Rodgers has gone to just one even though he has the lowest pick rate in the league.
- Brett Favre would have gotten the vaccine rather than simply claiming "I'm immunized". Lookin' at you too, Cutler!
- Brett Favre is God who voluntarily demoted himself to Rick Roll to let others take the role.
- Aaron Rodgers is just a god who thinks he is God Himself.
Brett Favre Vs. Aaron Rodgers[edit | edit source]
The Official Brett Favre Versus Aaron Rodgers Verdict - with evidence.
December 30, 2007[edit | edit source]
Final Score: Packers 56, Lions 2
Favre: 1 start, 25/25, 300 yards, 5TD, 3INTS
Rodgers: 1 garbage time appearance, 2/4, 38 yards, 1TD, 0INTS, 1 Dan Orlovsky special because why the fuck not?
Both players were on the Packers at the time. Favre played a little riskier trying things out for the playoffs. Sure, Rodgers got a TD, but he also did a rookie no-no by running out of his own endzone for a Lions safety. Noob!
Winner: Brett Favre
October 5, 2009[edit | edit source]
Final Score: Vikings 280, Packers 0
Favre: 40/40, 611 yds, 40TD, 0INTS
Rodgers: 0/50, -12 yds, 0TD, 50INTS
Rodgers proved that Brett really is a god by losing to him
Winner: Brett Favre
November 1, 2009[edit | edit source]
Final Score: Packers 0, Vikings 273
Favre: 39/39, 657 yds, 39TDS, 0INTS
Rodgers: 0/38, 395 yds, 0TDS, 38NTS
Brett Favre had four more yards than Aaron Rodgers, that's also the number of times Brett cock-slapped Aaron after the game.
Winner: Brett Favre
NFC Conference Championship 2009[edit | edit source]
Final Score: Saints 73, Vikings 70
Favre: 39/41, 657 yds, 10 TDS, 1 normal INT, 1 Tony Romo special in the 4th quarter
Drew Breesus: 35/49, 300 yds, 9 TDs, 3 INT
Rodgers: sulking at home after losing in the Wild-card round
Brett Favre once again proved Brad Childress is an idiot by following his play and look what it got them
Winner: The Late Great Rob Bironas
Post-Favre Rodgers[edit | edit source]
Even though Rodgers has gone on to post all those stats, it still doesn't count because Favre isn't there anymore as a measuring stick. Brett Favre also still talks to his family unlike Rodgers.
Winner: Brett Favre
Jets Career[edit | edit source]
Favre: 16 starts, 1 playoff berth choked away, 1 sexual harrassment accusation, $75 million fine coming from doing shady shit in Wall Street
Rodgers: 4 snaps... err.. 5 if you count his Achilles, 1 incomplete pass, $75 million guaranteed for playing one minute for the Jets
Favre did his best to live the Joe Namath life and wound up with a tarnished reputation. Rodgers' whole mans career probably got ended by the shitty turf at MetLife Stadium. That's rough, but now America finally has sympathy for you. Unlike Favre.
WINNER: It's a draw!
Wait, he's coming back for a second year? No, don't do it! Just take the win! Don't-
Favre: A winning record, at the very least
Rodgers: Getting his coach and GM fired mid-season and blaming everyone else when he can't even outplay Zach Wilson
Rodgers, you fool. Go retire.
WINNER: Brett Favre and Zach Wilson
Vikings career[edit | edit source]
Favre: 2 years as starter, 1 NFC Championship choke job, 3 shitty injuries, going out with a whimper
Rodgers: NON-EXISTENT!! Minnesota didn't even want him!
Sucks to see Favre go out like he did, but at least someone seriously wanted him. Seriously Rodgers, go retire. Who wants a 42-year-old QB with a bum ankle and shittier attitude than Jay Cutler at this point? Well, maybe some Yinzers do..
WINNER: Brett Favre
