Lamar Jackson
“Yeah, he's got a great arm and instincts, but I think he should play running back instead because he's black. Gimme a white QB like Tony Romo!”
“I just threw for 500 yards, five touchdowns and a perfect passer rating for the fifth week in a row. Not bad for a running back!”
 Blackest QB in the league, man. | |
| No. 8 – Baltimore Ravens | |
|---|---|
| Position: | Perennial MVP candidate |
| Personal information | |
| Born: |
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| Height: | 6' 2" |
| Weight: | 205 lbs |
| Career information | |
| College: | Louisville |
| NFL Draft: | 2018 / Round: 1 / Pick: 32 |
| Career history | |
| |
| Career highlights and awards | |
NFL records
| |
| Career NFL statistics | |
| Pro Bowls: | All of them. They even voted his backup in just for being his backup |
| Throwing TDs: | Less than Josh Allen |
| INT: | Also less than Josh Allen |
| Rushing TDs: | Surprisingly, less than Josh Allen |
| Rushing yards: |  |
| 40 time: | So fast he didn't even bother to run it. |
| Playoff wins: | 3 |
| Player stats at NFL.com | |
Lamar Demeatrice Blackson (born January 7, 1997) is a glorified running back who can sometimes throw a quarterback[2] for the Baltimore Ravens of the Negro National Football League. Despite Bill Polian saying he should convert to wide receiver and not be a quarterback anymore, and despite Patrick Mahomes hogging up all the Super Bowl wins, Blackson has won two MVP awards as a ball-thrower, so Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, and all the other white boi's can suck it. Not bad for a "running back"!
Early life[edit | edit source]
Blackson was born Lamar Demeatrice Jackson in Florida and was also a distant relative of the ultimate Jackson, Samuel L. Jackson. However, his badassery was so prevalent that it permeated out everywhere he went, hence he earned multiple black belts and became Blackson.
College career[edit | edit source]
“Why don't you switch to running back and come on down to BYU? Being a runningblack is blacker than being a quarterblack, it's even called a halfblack!”
“Nahh, I'mma do my own thing.”
Blackson went to school at Louisville, where his blackness wowed everyone. He also vaporized any non-black cracker who called him by the n-word. Everyone at Louisville knew how awesomely black he was. Aside from the national pundits and some cracker coaches, who tried to pigeon-hole Blackson into a stereotypically "black" position like receiver or running back, but our boy Lamar wasn't having any of it. Those crackers wouldn't stop yappin' even after Lamar won the Heisman as a quarterback.
Blackest QB in the League[edit | edit source]
Blackson joined the NFL and immediately made everyone bow down to his blackness. He went to the blackest city in the country, Baltimore, and galvanized the black fans there and across the country, kicking out the old cracker Joe Wacko. He even blacker than Michael Vick, minus the dog-beating and dog-fighting shit, and can run better and faster than Vick. He can also throw for more tuddies.
One day against the Cleveland Browns, a team that wasn't black enough, Blackson's blackness reached a critically dangerous level after he had a pre-game meal of crabcakes. He then took himself out of the game, laid a massive deuce in the Browns' Super Bowl, and came back before anyone even noticed and balled out, bailing out the Ravens with his refined blackness and kickass play, even moonwalking into the endzone untouched on two quarterback scrambles. The deuce is now in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, needing to be handled by the EPA due to how radioactively black it was.
Blackson is so black that I always win by scrambling to the right when playing as him in Madden football, which is unstoppable. Until they figured out how to use Cover 1. But that's a story for later. Blackson is so black and so awesome at quarterback that he destroyed any stereotype of black people being bad at being quarterback! He, Allen, Mahomes, and Jalen Hurts are also the reason why pure pocket passers who can't run are quickly becoming "out of style" in the league. Except Joe Burrow, who has a receiver who's always open, negating the need for him to play like a black- I mean, dual-threat quarterblack.. er quarterback. I wish I were even a quarter black though..
And I'll stop talking. Don't wanna get cancelled or given a "black eye" for pushing this article and "culturally appropriating black athletes".
"But-but-but-but Lamar hasn't even won a Super Bowl yet! He sux! He should go back to being a running back- AAAA LET GO OF ME AAAAAAA"
[Woke violence against that moron]
Yup, that's why. Lamar for permanent MVP!
Side notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Take that, Josh Allen! THIS is why Lamar got MVP and you didn't!
- ↑ A dual-threat quarterback, to say the least.
