User:Joe9320/Ye Olde Michael Jackson Page
(1 March 2010)
“I was one of Michael Jackson's biggest fans, I swear. The voice, the dance moves, the style. Then that creepy weirdo Michael Jackson had to step into the picture and ruin everything.”
“HOLY SHIT!!”
“He's one fine babysitter.”
“mr jackson grabbed my crotch and shouted 'what the fuck is that' to me. It inspired the rest of my life”
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Sir Reverand Sergei Michael Blanket Pillow Moonwalker "Molesto" Jackoff III, or Mikey (of MySpace.com/skunkweed), as he is more commonly known, (DOB Virgo 7, {182 Anno Declaration}/{744 Anno Magna Carta}) was born on the cusp of Libra, and widely considered liable for the dawning of the age of Aquarius, grew up to become a pervert. He is a fictional character invented to scare small children. His nose is the size of 20 acorns glued together. He is also known to run out on his lawn wearing nothing buck black dress socks. He is the mutated offspring ofEminem and Randy Bishop and was once widely regarded as a black man (now considered a myth and a good pick up line). He has been fighting The Jackson 5 for some time now. The winner of the fight will recieve a free Heavyweight title belt from Vince (Steroids") McMahonnning. Biblical scholars have been able to trace his lineage via ancestry.com to that of an ancient concubine who put her baby in a basket and sent it down the river. No, not Moses. (*See US Child Protection Services case #584958495849.) In the year of 1987 drove a delorian into the future. He had to drive at least 88 miles per hour and when he got there he realized there were no longer children. People were simply born at an adult age. Upon learning this he cut off his penis and became a woman.
In recent years his deviation derivation has come under intense scrutiny by the US Department of Health and Human Services. According to the 398-page report first edition, second printing, third volume, fourth chapter, fifth paragraph, sixth line and thirty-second word, this highly-revered government agency has come to the unanimous conclusion that Michael Jackson is a black man, poorly disguised in a white woman's body, much like Dennis Rodman is an alien, poorly disguised in a black man's body, as revealed by Men In Black. In his spare time, he sits on a pole in agarden at the Neverland compound in Idaho.Michael jackson fucked me in the ass. Some suspect he is a penguin. He is also currently the Chief of the Defence Forces of the Olympic Ping-Pong Stadium in Paramus, New Jersey.
Jackson is fond of children — Ren likes him, too — and, apart from having his own, he has had friendships with a number of other children, ranging from Chinese kids to South Africans.
Michael Jackson and the Super Friends[edit | edit source]
Michael M'lesto Jackson is also well known in the super-hero industry as "The Flirt". He flirts of teenage men at drive thrus at McDonalds and if he thinks that they are into him, he will go inside and lick them to see how they taste. He is mainly a stay-at-home Super Friend but sometimes he comes out to flirt explicitly with the villains. His powers are the powers of gender-confusion, the power of crotch-grabbing and falsetto. He saved the group once when he flirted with an evil doctor, who tried to kill Alyssa Milano (another of his team-mates), who became so disgusted that she committed suicide. Michael Jackson Raised David Gibson as his Protégé, he will soon commit the same offences as Jacko Himself as he has been will trained in the art of "Jesus juice"and other such child abducting activities. He has recently been reported for preforming witchcraft on children in new york square.
Also quoted "the penile projection of a younger male is the most delicious thing!"
Childhood[edit | edit source]
Jackson grew up with what was known as Father Andre & The Jackson Five. Jackson always looked up to Father Andre, as he was a good man. It has been rumoured that Andre was an emo. Michael hit puberty at 21 years of age. He always stood out with the other kids. Usually this is a good thing for people from that era, but in this case it is very different. Andre got married to Rapunzel early in Jackson's childhood - he was about 46 at the time. After a few years, Rapunzel got cancer and had to go for chemotherapy. Jackson and Andre were devastated by this. After this incidents, Jackson went through a stage in his life where he could not find his centre, his soul, his being. He turned to Satan worship, and soon found his true self. Getting a sex change was not easy at that time, but Jackson agreed to sell his skin to Satan and become an evil fairy obsessed with little boys. Jackson was still a young woman at the age of 63, so (s)he started a band of her own - the MILF Band. This started the Dave Matthews Conspiracy. At age 65, Jackson was infected with a sex-changing elixir from The Fountain of Youth, and became a young white boy. He raped little boys in there sleep. He also like to throw cum-filled donuts at old ladies.
He knows his nose[edit | edit source]
Many ask how he picks his nose. Simple. Via a catalogue. HE SMELLS LIKE CHILDRENS NAPPIES. he likes to wipe nappies with poo in them all over his face. Thus bringing us to the Kitten Toast theroy.He loses his nose twice a year.
Michael Hogg IS IN LOVE WITH MJ :D[edit | edit source]
Michael Hogg has gone unaccounted for throughout history. The origins of Michael Hogg are unclear, therefore irrelevant. Hogg has seen MJ recently and chased him around a park. He loves the cock
Michael Jackson as Peter Pan[edit | edit source]
After Michael Jackson was transformed from a black man into a white boy, he changed his name to Peter Pan. As the boy who would never grow up, he headed and lived with the boy band The Lost Boys.
In an attempt to deal with his latent heterosexuality, he gave Mescaline to his sister Wendy (also known as preteen prostitute Minnie Rae) and brother John. Wendy, John and a fairy named Tinkerbell had a contest to see who could win Michael's favor. While Wendy serviced Peter as his wife and mother, the effort didn't work. Wendy left and formed the lesbian girl band WAD with Alice and Dorothy. The girl group's hit "Up the WADzoo," made with the pop group The Cowardly Lion, beat Peter, Mary Richards and Paul McCartney's kid's marijuana song "Puff the Magic Dragon." But WAD's hit "Shoot Your WAD" came in at number two to Peter's number one "Eat It." Ironically WAD, which changed its name to Lost Girls, had their own number one hit in 2006 with a cover of "Eat It."
Alleged* Rap(e) Career[edit | edit source]
- Many people believe he didn't actually rap(e)s.
Michael Jackson announced way back in 2112 that he would become a rapper using the alias The Notorious C.H.I.L.D. B.O.I.N.G.E.R. He has, under this alias, been responsible for many incidents of gang violence, the setting on fire of Camden on Halloween, and the bombing of Camden on Christmas. His favorite victims were World of Warcraft and Xbox 360 Addicts. However some people did not call it rape, they called it playtime with M.J. Two prime examples of this statement are the gender confused Matt Brown and John Klaiber.
Sometimes Michael Likes it from behind ooooooooooooo yea' he screams as he takes it in the arse, michael has been known to eat willys as often as he can... "mmmmm willys" was his famous line from the early 90's.
It has also been proved that during the entire course of the Home Alone films the little boy was running from Michael Jackson all the time, not from those retarded turds who kept falling into obvious traps.
During this time, he allegedly fathered Orochimaru with the help of Lord Voldemort.
As for his infamous rape charges, many speculate that he was framed by Barney. Many think that Barney was wearing a Micheal Jackson costume while he dined and wined those kids. This is the reason why there is an ongoing arguement that Barney should be added to the lists of bastards, and not Micheal.
People Michael Jackson Has Been Scientifically Proven To Be Better Than[edit | edit source]
- Axl Rose (although no one really likes Axl)
- Your Mom
- Elvis
- Prince
- Janet Jackson
- LaToya Jackson
- John Madden
- Bill Oddie
- Ryan Seacrest (But that's not saying much, is it?)
- Matt Cutts
- Mufasa (of The Lion King fame)
- Rolf Harris
- You, <insert name here>
- The Beatles
- The Big Boss Man
- Xuxa Meneghell(whoever the fuck that is)
- The People he rapes
- emo kids]
- fat people
- gays other than himself
- and including himself
- The Pope
- O.J. Simpson
- Genetically made yucky things
- Hannah Montana(stupid slut)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, HE DOESN'T JUST FUCK CHILDRENS... BUT ALSO BABIES! SO THAT MAKES HIM BETTER THAN ALL GAYS AND BITCHES
yeah only made of plastic
Chris Crocker? Is that you?
ya but you have to admit...its pretty funny
Summoning Him[edit | edit source]
1.) Draw a pentagram on the ground, in a child's tears.
2.) Sacrifice a male child between the ages of 3 and 13. Place the child (alive) on the pentagram with a teddy bear.
3.) Moonwalk around the pentagram whilst singing "Billy Jean" in Latin: Billie Jean est non meus diligo Is est iustus a puella quisnam vindicatum ut Ego sum unus Tamen parvulus est non meus filius
4.) DO NOT under any circumstances enter the pentagram as this will lead to the eternal darkness that we know as The Jackpocalypse.
5.) If successful, Michael Jackson will rise from Hell, proceed to rape the child, and then wreak havoc on other children.
Culinary Career[edit | edit source]
It is a relatively unknown fact that Mr. Jackson once created a delicious recipe. The Jackson Burger, while deceptively simple, requires the correct aging of ingredients to produce the perfect "mouthfeel." It consists of 40-year-old meat between 3 year old buns(considering his liking of "3 year old buns"). It is usually served alongside fries with cum sauce. (It is sold in the UK as the "Hot Cross Bun.")
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Michael Jackson likes twentyeight year olds. Because there are twenty of them.
- He likes his beverages stirred, not shaken.
- Is rumoured to have a tag on his back saying,"100% quality plastic."
- Jackson owns Western tonality itself, with a music catalogue that includes publishing rights to songs by beat combo the Beatles, the Platonist singer Little Richard, jolly old Elvis Presley and others.
- If you look closely at his face, you may notice that he is hideous.
- In a parallel universe, Michael Jackson is really Gerard Way.
- Jackson was a poor, cute black boy who grew up to be a rich, ugly white woman.
- Jackson would like to inform any children reading this article that he's your best friend.
- Jackson bought the entire U-Boat catalogue and later used it to finance a failed moon shot.
- Michael Jackson can extend folds of skin on his neck to make him appear larger than he actually is. This is an effective tool for scaring off predators.
- He can be found hanging around the children's department at Kmart because he heard that little boy's pants were 50% off.
- Police searching his ranch at Neverland found traces of Class A drugs in the kitchen, Class B drugs in the bathroom and Class 2c in his bedroom.
- Jackson was known to have engaged in certain "activities" along with a notoriously confused and hermaphroditic character, Kieran Stevens, who would regularly escort him on his outings to local Primary Schools in the area.
- Michael Jackson used to be black; he has since been purple, green and colourless.
- On a scale of one to awesome, Jackson has been rated "Downright hideous."
- Jackson's recent face was scanned for the leading role of Link in Nintendo's Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker.
- Despite appearances, Jackson is not a humanoid, fish or a space alien.
- Michael Jackson is both male and female, or a hermaphrowhitey, which is why he can have children without having a wife or a girlfriend. (Lisa Marie is a hermaphrowhitey as well, and therefore doesn't count.)
- Jackson is life-long friends with Genghis Khan, whom he allegedly got hooked on cocaine.
- Michael Jackson is a loyal customer of the home delivery service Boys to Men.
- Michael successfully teabagged his 50,000th eight year old. When asked why it took so long he said, "There wasn't any more Jesus Juice left."
- Michael Jackson has revolutionized the way plastic surgery is being performed. He the first human being to receive a body bleach and a nose replant.
- Michael Jackson is more dangerous to children than a plastic bag.
- Michael Jackson bathes in squid cum at least four times every day.
- Michael Jackson used to be a keen cub scout leader - he had to give it up in the end - he was getting through 2 packs a day.
- Jackson regularly bathes in the blood of virgins to help keep his complexion creamy and supple.
- Michael Jackson and Casper are forever being confused with each other. Always remember one is pale and scares kids the other is a "friendly" ghost. (But then again, what the HELL's the difference?!)
- Michael Jackson is an alien. He was sent to replace the real Michael Jackson during that surgery. How else do you explain all his kids being white? That bleach didn't change his DNA...or did it?
- Michael Jackson invented the moon walk, a great contribution to de nasa that helped Neil Armstrong to avoid dying when exploring the moon.
- Michael Jackson's arch enemy is Chuck Norris.
- Michael Jackson was the fifth child in his family of three.
- Michael's first break in show business was the part of Higgins in Magnum.
- Michael's second big break in show business was the part of Tubbs in Miami Vice.
- Michael's third big break in show business was the part of Sonny Crocket in Miami Vice.
- After the lengthy child bumming court case, which he has been acquitted, he has accepted the role of Miss Daisy in the stage play of Driving miss Daisy.
- Michael is also the proud owner of a prestigious Guinness World Record for violating 283 kids in 10 minutes.
- Michael Jackson loves cheese. His favorite cheese product is the Dairylea slice. He loves nothing better than to sit back, spread his legs and rub it round his balls and ass. As kids will do anything for the taste of Dairylea.
- Michael's only fear (apart from the social services) is dancing milk. His other fear that we know of is the Sun. Why else would he have some six foot seven lackey shading him with an umbrella in broad daylight?
- Michael Jackson had planned to release a feature length, 3-dimensional film extravaganza for children, featuring only himself in 3-D, but it was thought there would be too many jokes about him coming straight at little boys' faces.
- He wears a glove because he lost his hand in a titanic duel with Darth Hitler on Cloud City.
- Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon is Prince. Prince had a mission to destroy Michael Jackson, and learned how to do surgery from some girl he slept with (see I Love U In Me lyrics). Only he botched Michael's surgery in hopes to destroy his breathing orifices. But somehow Michael is still hanging on with a nose that's been mostly removed.
- He is known to have the best slumber parties.
- Michael Jackson was the first person on the moon.
- Michael Jackson IS the moon!
- Michael Jackson not only has Neverland for kids to play, but he also buy them toy lightsabers. He LOVES watching the boys play with their lightsabers...
- Due to the immense amounts of plastic in his body, Michael Jackson is bullet, knife, and ice-pick proof. He must be melted at 23,000 degrees F before any attempt on his life can be made.
- Michael Jackson will be making a guest appearance on The Naked Brothers Band. He saw the title, then the little boys in the band, and just flipped.
- Michael Jackson is like acne. Why? Because they both come all over your face when you're thirteen.
- Janet Jackson is Michael Jackson's Jamie Lynn Spears. They are both dysfunctional and slutty.
- Michael Jackson and Nintendo Wii's are very much alike. Why? They are both bright white and plastic. Also, little kids turn them on.
- He has 'Made in China' printed on his buttocks
- He has rightly earned the title 'Wacko Jacko'
Filmography[edit | edit source]
General Films[edit | edit source]
- A Da Vinci Code (Silas, the albino monk)
- An Omen (as some kind of omen)
- Bloodrayne (as a out of work pop singer)
- Brokeback Mountain (as Mr. Brokeback)
- Charlie Brown and the Candy Factory (as Johnny Depp)
- Chitty Bang Chitty Bang (as the Child Catcher)
- Diary of a Lunatic (as The Diary)
- Grinch Night is Halloween (as Max)
- Invasion of the Children Snatcher's (as The Alien)
- Men In Black II (as Agent M)
- Naruto (as Orochimaru)
- Pee-wee's Little Adventure (as Pee-wee's bicycle)
- Pokemon: Diamond and Pearl: Gigatitsna and the Bowed Gay of the Sky: GAYmin
- Revenge of the Child Catcher (as the Child Catcher)
- Scary Movie XXX (as Anna Faris)
- The House of Nosferatu (as Barlow Kurt)
- A Pedo Stole My Son (Co-starring Bruce Willis as the 8 year old, orphan child)
- The House of the Revenge of the Return of the Son of the Bride of the Ghost of Frankenstein (as the Frankenstein Monster)
- The Phantom of Some Opera (as the Phantom)
- V/V: the Final Battle (as the leader of the Visitors [all shot scenes were cut from the finished films])
- Scary Movie XXXXXXXXX Pissout my ASShole (as the leader of the tourettes guy)
- The Lost Boys (as Max, the rapist)
- Super Man Returns (As Lex Luthor and Martha Kent)
The As Himself Films[edit | edit source]
- Home Alone: with Michael (as himself)
- Michael Jackson IS The Wolf Man! (as himself and as The Wolf Man)
- Michael Jackson Conquers the Martians (as himself)
- Michael Jackson, Please Come Home! (as himself)
- Michael Jackson, Please Go Home! (as himself)
- Michael Jackson, Where Are You? (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does Las Vegas (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does the Devil in Las Vegas (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does 'em All (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does Neverland Ranch (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does Wall Street (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does Philadelphia (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does Las Vegas Again (as himself)
- Michael Jackson Does Las Vegas: The Next Generation (as himself)
- Fun with Michael Jackson (Michael Jackson as himself, the toddler has chosen to remain anonymous)
The Child Predators Films[edit | edit source]
- Child Predators (as the Predator Child)
- Village of the Child Predators (as another Predator Child)
- Children of the Child Predators (as yet another Predator Child)
- Return of the Child Predators (as still yet another Predator Child)
- Revenge of the Child Predators (as still yet again another Predator Child)
- Revenge of the Return of the Children of the Village of the Child Predators (as the last Predator Child)
The Piggy Films[edit | edit source]
- Piggy Gets His (as the Mad Fattener)
- Piggy Gets His 2: Piggy on the Toilet (as the Mad Fattener)
- Piggy Got His (as the Mad Fattener)
- The Next Piggy Gets Hers (as the Mad Fattener)
The Milking of the Mad Planet That Went Ape Films[edit | edit source]
- The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Dr. Zaydius, the orangutan)
- Underneath The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Dr. Zaydius, orangutan)
- Escaping From The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Dr. Hassled)
- Conquering The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Julius, the chimpanzee)
- Battling For The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Augustus, the chimpanzee)
- The Prince Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as General Versus, the Gorilla)
- The Warmonger Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Tiberius, the orangutan)
- The God Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Caligula, the chimpanzee)
- The King Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as Nero, the Gorilla)
- The Master Mind Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as The Living Brain)
- The Magician Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as The Magic Monkey)
- The Chessmen Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as The Chessmaster)
- The Hermit Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as The Hermit)
- The Lightning Struck Tower Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as The Hermit)
- The Mad Planet That Went Ape Goes To Hell (as the Devil)
- The Last And Final Chapter Of The Mad Planet That Went Ape (as the Doomsday Bomb)
The Adventures of Larry Grotter[edit | edit source]
- Larry Grotter and the Sleepover Party (as Professor Snipe)
- Larry Grotter and the Spiked Soft Drinks (as Professor Snipe)
- Larry Grotter and Uncle
MolesterFester (as Professor Snipe) - Larry Grotter and the Ender of Childhood (as Professor Snipe)
- Larry Grotter and the Bringer of Adulthood (as Professor Snipe)
- Larry Grotter and the Payer of Hush-money (as Professor Snipe)
- Larry Grotter and the New Life in Dubai (as Professor Snipe)
Discography[edit | edit source]
- Off Da Chain (1775) *May never have actually existed
- Vulgar Display of Pedophilla (1778) *The only album people knew about; album name inspired by Pantera
- Iraqi Oil iz 2 Bad (1785) *Was George Washington Carver's favorite music
- Filler (1885) *Sold 100 Million Copies on Mars
- HIStory of Modern Earth (1931 1/2) *First music to be released on High Distortion Laser DVD
- Dark Side of the Moonwalk (1975)
- Invisible (1991) *Makes my underwear tingle
- Bucket of Shit - Unplugged (2003) * Performed without his trademark bucket
- Number 2s (2003) *Has 2,000 of Jackson's best jazz operas
Jackson is currently working on a new album, to be released within the next million years. It is tentatively titled Little Minority Yum Yum (We all know it will be out sooner than Chinese Democracy.), although his agent claims that the official title is to be Sick (while the agent to the secretary of the agent of Michael Jackson's agent claims that the title should be Don't Say I Didn't Warn You).
Shocking info on the man himself[edit | edit source]
- Shocking insights from our reporters indicate that Michael Jackson is indeed a secret agent in plastic disguise. They say his nose is a plastic explosive, and his disposable balls can be eaten (to help preserve life).
- Michael Jackson's special abilities include, melt-to-a-puddle-via-large-amounts-of heat, and the ability to seduce little kiddies into a bed and converting them into secret "Michael" spies.
- He also is secretly female, but got his/her tits surgically removed. Micheal you son-of-a-gay-bitch!
- if you cut michel jacksons head off it will grow back and the severed head will grow a body. watch out you lil kiddies!!!
Medical History[edit | edit source]
Michael's numerous visits to plastic surgeons have resulted in 537 skin grafts, several nose transplants, and a set of miniature triangle shaped nostrils. As of this writing, plans are underway to reshape his fingertips into triangles as well as his elbows and toes. His "people" claim its for medical purposes but refuse to elaborate further.
Michael's vast inhuman NAMBLA publicity mill claims that he suffers from vitaligo, a skin condition that usually causes patches of a lighter pigment to appear on the skin of the sufferer. When asked how it is that his vitaligo seems to be manifesting, not as patches of light pigment, but, as a whole-body transformation, resulting in him becoming a white plastic replica of Diana Ross, his team declared that a mistake had, indeed been made and that he was, in fact, not only suffering from the astonishingly rare Jackson's vitaligo, but that he was, in truth, the only diagnosed case of this disease in history and should be afforded some sympathy. His doctor was unavailable for comment, having recently sailed for the Azores in his newly purchased yacht.
It should be pointed out that, despite Michael's addiction to painkillers, his use of surgical dressings as fashion accessories, his habit of sleeping in an oxygen tank, his obsession with the remains ofThe Elephant Man, his 537 skin grafts, his surgical attempts to become his own sister La Toya, his skin bleaching, his 33 rhinoplastic augmentations, his cheek implants, his shoulder implants, his extensive back hair removal, his scalp implants, his penis reductions (supposedly to make it narrower, for some reason), his buttock stapling, his heel implants and calf-lifts, his near fatal addiction to botox, the ankle surgery required to invent the moonwalk, the removal of his testes to maintain his voice, his insistence on only using frozen semen to create his spawn, the fact that he keeps his nipples in a jar, his repeated earlobe surgery and his nose falling off in public; Jackson's aides assure us that he does not suffer from Munchausens Syndrome or any other form of surgical addiction and is just a happy, normal guy who likes to fuck a toddler now and then.
Urban Myths[edit | edit source]
- A man met Michael Jackson in a singles bar one night and took him home. During the evening he told him that he had been raped a few years ago, but was overcoming his resentment and fear, and was finally able to enjoy sex again. The next morning he awoke to find him already gone, on the bathroom mirror he'd written a message in lipstick. "Welcome to the AIDS club."
- A young girl was babysitting some children in a large old house, the children were in bed and she was watching TV when the phone rang. All the voice on the other end did was laugh, she listened for a minute then hung up. A few minutes later the phone rang again and a terrifying squeaky voice said "have you checked on the children yet?" She asked who he was, but he just giggled and hung up. She was very scared and called the police. They told her there was really nothing they could do about prank calls, but they'd trace the call if it happened again. After she got another call asking her if she'd checked on the children, she hung up and the police called her and told her to get out of the house immediately. The calls were coming from the upstairs extension, where he'd already buggered the children.
- If you stand in front of a mirror in a dark room and chant "Michael Jackson" twelve times starting at the stroke of midnight, the face of a hideous man will appear in the mirror. It's the spirit of a poor black boy who was born with a disfiguring father and killed by a cruel rhinoplasty operation gone awry.
- A young boy met a new friend in a chat room and began talking to him regularly, the friend was from out of state but would be in town in a couple weeks and they made plans to sneak out and meet. The boy began to feel odd about the arrangement and confessed the whole thing to his father. The father contacted the authorities and after a couple hours the chat was traced to Michael Jackson. Jackson, who'd been using that computer, was scheduled for release from jail in just two weeks.
- A man and his wife were vacationing in Las Vegas and as they arrived in their room they found it was filled with an overpowering stench. They called the front desk to complain, and headed for the casinos for some late-night gambling while the problem was taken care of. When they returned to the room, the stench was replaced with the strong smell of chemical cleaners and deodorizers, annoyed but satisfied that it was better than before they went to bed. Early in the morning the smell had returned so strongly that it awakened them, the man called the manager and angrily demanded another room immediately. While his wife packed up their stuff the man ripped the sheets off the bed, where the smell seemed to be coming from. He found that the mattress had been cut open and Michael Jackson was hiding inside.
- Michael Jackson got home late from a night out drinking with boys and staggered inside, his chimp, Bubbles, heard him and helped him into bed. The next morning Bubbles complained about his behaviour and how he worried about how he makes it home so drunk. He agreed that he had no memory of the last few hours of his night out, but said he'd never had a problem before. As he pulled out of the shed, to go and hire some rent boys, his chimp, who had been watching him angrily from the front door, screamed when he saw the body of a little girl crushed into the grill of Michael's train.
- A young lady driving alone down the highway one night say a large gray-haired woman slowly walking along the side of the road. She pulled over and offered the old woman a ride. As they rode along, the women made small-talk. As the old lady offered her a stick of gum, she noticed the old woman's hands were very thin and the knuckles were badly scarred with what apeared to be the tell-tale signs of hundreds of cosmetic surgical procedures, she also saw how incredibly white the woman's arm was. Realizing her mistake, she swerved and said she thought she'd hit something, then she stopped and asked the old lady if she'd take a look. When the old lady was behind the car, the girl sped off. The young girl immediately felt guilty realizing that she had probably just been an old woman, and in her nervousness she had behaved very badly. She felt even worse when she noticed the old woman's purse sitting in the floor of the passenger side. Realizing she couldn't just go on with it, she lifted it from the floor and saw that inside it was filled with children's underwear, Jesus Juice and nasal glue.
- Two teenage lovers were parked at a local make-out spot when the music on the radio was interrupted by a Special Bulletin. A dangerous lunatic had escaped from the nearby insane asylum, he could be identified by the plastic nose he had in place of his real one. The girl insisted she be taken home immediately. When they arrived at her house, the frustrated boy marched over to open her door for her, and hanging from the handle was a plastic nose.
- During the 1990s it was common for street gangs to drive about, late at night, without lights. If any unsuspecting motorist were to flash them they would follow the car and park outside of their house.
Later, as the driver slept, they would break in, kidnap his children and sell them to Michael Jackson in return for crack cocaine.
- Small paper 'tattoos' circulating in primary schools are actually dosed with liquid Michael Jackson which can cause hallucinations, molestation and bleaching. Parents are being warned of the dangers of this substance which is described as 'concentrated child abuse.'
- While at camp, it's best to pee in the bushes for the fear of
Chuck Norris and his BB gunMichael Jackson possibly hiding in the corner of the men's room. He is not seen at day because, as we all know, he has some relation toMothmanNosefaratu. If you hear a suspicious high-pitched sing through the woods, be sure to lock your doors and charge your MP3 Players for the night. Everyone knows thatEnyaDarude beats Michael Jackson.
- Michael Jackson does not come out in the daytime, so
lock your doors and windows tight at nightlock yourself in your basement with an AK-47 and lots of food at night.
- Micheal Jackson has rumored that the reason he sold the gates to the neverland ranch, so more little kids can "wonder" in.
Can anyone please tell me how many times Wacko Jacko has changed sexual status?
"Billie Jean" remix[edit | edit source]
Some random saint remixed Wacko Jacko's song "Billie Jean" in 2045. Here is a sample from the single.
- Billy Jean is my momma (oww!)
- He's just a kid who ain't some dumb
- But the kid likes it up the bum.
- He got raped by his mum um um um,
- he also licked out her pussy hole!
- She screamed and licked her ass!
- A Hee hee hee, hee hee hee!
- piss piss out of my ass you know the same when yer mom rocks my world hehehe
- oww!
Michael Jackson died in 2009, with his last words being, A-HEE-HEE-HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG!
See Also[edit | edit source]
- Pae Do
- Gary Glitter
- White People
- Not Michael Jackson
- Barney the Dinosaur
- The Most Similar thing
- Behind the Scenes Michael Jackson Trial Footage
| The Conclave of Doom: Benedict XVI - Fred Phelps - Ed Gein - Enron - Evil Jesus - The United States of Arabia - Iran - |
Space Committee: Darth Vader - Gul Dukat - L. Ron Hubbard - Emperor Palpatine - Killer Robot Janitor |
| Music/Theatre Committee: Abu Hamza - Hannah Montana - Ke$ha - The Jonas Brothers - Disney - BBC - Viacom | Politics Committee: Adolf Hitler - Bill O'Reilly - Chairman Mao - Hillary Clinton - Dick Cheney - Glenn Beck - Kim Jong-Ill - "Ileana" Ross Lehtinen - Osama bin Laden - Robert Mugabe - Richard Nixon - Vladimir Putin - Donald Putinobitch Dump |
| Sports Committee: Michael Vick - Mike Tyson - O. J. Simpson - Tom Brady | See also: Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition - Baby Seals |
