An a splosion is the process of an explosion, but in a "ka-blooey" way that might be described as "ka-gooey". Most a splosions do not necessarily require explosives or fire. A splosions can be found in places where there is a buildup of a high outward force (such as where there is too much confusion). A splosions are (naturally) rare and beautiful events, much like the event horizon of a black hole, but less boring.
History[edit | edit source]
The discovery of a splosions dates back to the 1900s when explodologists were developing a new form of rapid expanding energy force labelled "assplode". Explodogists had been experimenting with explosions to develop a replacement for the common horse. They found that when materials that normally did not react with organic material, such as snacks and people, would a splode if the mass of the objects were a prime number. The explodogists named this reaction the I Can See it A Splode Principle. They could not determine why this happened, due to the lack of technology.
While explodogists worked further into researching the cause of a splosions, scientists researched into historical accounts of a splosions. The earliest record of a sploding dates back to the Triassic period. There was a hypothesis that, in addition to the possible asteroid, an a splosion played a role in the extinction of many animals. Many animals may have suffered spontaneous a splosions (See spontaneous a splosions below).
Thornton Wilder was secretly an explodogist, and he sneaked his own Deadly Splosion theory into his play, Our Town:
"Y'know what I think, George? I think the moon's getting nearer and nearer, and there's gonna be a big a splosion!"
Recent studies show that this would cause the whole planet to a splode, making an a splosion that would a splode everything that can possibly be a sploded ever.
During the 1950s, the microwave oven was developed and sold to many households. Some users microwaved food that was non-porous or microwaved a glass of water. When taken out of the microwave, users placed the food or glass of water on the table. As they did this, the food or glass of water seemed to miraculously a splode! The scientific community was astonished that they may have discovered a cause of a splosions. However, when thorough research was performed, a conspiracy was uncovered, involving ducks, a Great White Shark and Nazi Dolphins, who were plotting to take over the world by introducing a device that would cause food to a splode (such as the famous A Sploding Pie), which in turn would generate enough laughter and hilarity to destabilize and a splode the world.
Another recent exploration of a splosionating is credited to Deidara (see: Transvestite) seen in the anime Naruto (see: crap). He causes peoples who cannot comprehend his 1337 art to a splode into ten bonors. Also, he/she is subject to butthurt from fangirls.
Today, we know the cause of a splosions thanks to greatly improved scientific equipment and resources (such as the computer and Uncyclopedia). It is NOT, and I mean, NOT to be confused with "GO BANG!!" which simply explodes in a non-ka-blooey but equally childish way. Example: "Oscar Wilde GO BANG!!"
Etymology[edit | edit source]
The verb "A Splode" comes from the Greek Asp, meaning “Go,” and the Latin Lodere, meaning “Ka-Blooey!” ['kuh:blooh:ih]
- A sploded: already gone ka-blooey
- A sploding: in the process of going ka-blooey
- A splosion: something that goes ka-blooey, especially in a spontaneous and messy fashion
- Little Jimmy was so excited, he a sploded all over himself.
How a splosions work[edit | edit source]
A sploding, not to be confused with ass-ploding (See Fart), is the process in which Asps – which we all know are the major constituent of quarks and leptons – suddenly start craving Cheetos made by leprechaun migrant workers. Unfortunately, due to the size of the Asps, Cheetos cannot be delivered in the bite-size pieces that they desire. (No, not even those crumbs that are left at the end. Mmmm, crumbs ...) This causes the Asps to a selerate in every direction known to humans (and seven others known only to ostriches) in the search for Cheetos of the right size.
However, due to the incredibly strong attraction between the Asps and their non-existent Penises, such a large energy force is created in such a small vicinity that all surrounding material implodes. Unfortunately, this results in an extremely dense area forming sans-Asp, a.k.a. a black hole. Luckily, this style of ######### only exists for a fraction of a second as the Asps get bored due to their incredibly short attention span and forget why they weren't chillin' at their crib.
Spontaneous a splosions[edit | edit source]
“Yeah, that can happen.”
“Spontaneous a splosions are spontaneous.”
Spontaneous a splosion is a process that has been carefully studied. Although there is still much to discover, several theoretical explanations have been created.
Go ahead a splode[edit | edit source]
SEHS (Sudden Exploded Head Syndrome), also known in the pseudo-scientific community as Spontaneous Cranial Eruption, or SCE, is a condition believed to be caused by overloading the brain with the body's own electricity through intense thinking and concentration, resulting in the spontaneous combustion or volatile A splosion of the patient's head.
Other a splosions[edit | edit source]
A splode you a go[edit | edit source]
Spontaneous a splosions that occur to humans and a few animals result in a split-second severe mental insanity. When people are repeatedly stressed or their mood abruptly changes to anger, their body cannot handle this pressure very well. If the body is not capable of suppressing this anger or stress, it can result in an a splosion without warning from a chemical equilibrium imbalance. A splosions may also be caused by holding in farts too long, causing intestinal gases to ignite, watching YouTube Poops regularly, or by looking directly at the operational end of The Device.
This disorder is the result of the genetic makeup of that person. People with a life-long career that deals with troublesome areas, such as technical support or administrative work, will have a greater chance of a sploding. There is no cure for spontaneous a splosions, but there are treatment options.
Fruit a splosions[edit | edit source]
A splosions can occur in some fruits without any reason. Cases of a splosions in fruits include Fruitopia and the mysterious fruit-a-splode-in-your-face-when-you-eat-it affliction. In Fruitopia, fruits a splode into a delicious drink. Fruit-a-splode-in-your-face-when-you-eat-it usually occurs when someone is about to take a bite of a fresh, juicy fruit. The cause of spontaneous fruit a splosions has been recently discovered, as far as we know, is that when fruit is sitting down and gets bored, it decides to prank call Pizza Hut and ask for a Whopper. Unfortunately, there is no Whopper, so it starts to argue and asks for the manager, but the manager left early to go on a date with his new girlfriend, so the fruit has diarrhea because he's lactose intolerant and drank milk earlier. The fruit eventually a splodes because of the smell, and that is how a fruit a splodes.
Pictured here is the famous instance of Adolf Hitler attempting to eat an a sploding watermelon at a demonstration at Bergen-Belsen. Shortly thereafter, he turned to his unidentified female companion and roared "Damn, this is just like last night!"
A fruitcake is the opposite of fruit a splosions. Instead of an a sploding outward force, fruit is drawn into its center core while rapidly increasing in mass.
Terrorist a splosions[edit | edit source]
The everyday terrorist usually a splodes while running into a building full of people, holding a detonator. Many terrorists have done this before, having been led to believe they will get 72 virgins in heaven. When they get there, however, they realize that the virgins are all males and terrorists.
Kidney a splosions[edit | edit source]
Most commonly found in people who have been doing the Atkins diet for several years. The weakened kidneys reach a critical state where they A splode abruptly. It's not uncommon to hear a low-carber utter the words "my kidneys a splode!" Despite their a sploded kidneys, they do not die and continue ambling about as lively as ever, much to the frustration of medical experts.
According to new research by professional Chucktologists (see Chuck Norris), if Chuck Norris glares at you, your kidneys will start to melt. If he stares at you for five seconds, your kidneys will A splode. If he pokes you while he is staring at you, Mr. T will appear out of a magical portal used by the Tooth Fairy and a splode you and half of Canada (because Canadians are only good for their bacon). This can also lead to many secondary diseases, such as internal combustion in the form of a sploding intestines.
Kitten a splosion[edit | edit source]
The finest and most appropriate time to huff kittens is revealed after a kitten a splodes. The process is normal to all pregnant cats. It is necessary to achieve a seven-eighths vote in the Kitten Senate and a five-fourths vote in the House. After the congressional requirements are satisfied, the kitten's mother must approve the request and you must then give the mother five three-packs of tennis balls, three gallons of milk, five hand-caught dead mice, 42 pounds of cheese, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, a partridge in a pear tree, three of your eyelashes from both eyes, and your first born child.
A splosions in technology[edit | edit source]
“01011001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01000001 00100000 01010011 01010000 01001100 01001111 01000100 01000101.”
You can make computers and other technological devices a splode in a variety of ways. Here is a partial list of known causes:
- Deleting the Recycle Bin
- Pressing Alt-F4 when the device is turned off
- Typing "this statement is a lie"
- Running two programs on a Mac at the same time
- Putting the device underwater, in lava, in corrosive acid, or in a microwave
- Attempting Sexassination on the device
- Typing "Google" into Google causes an a splosion of the whole internet. Especially if the next thing you do is click the "I'm Feeling Sexy" button.
- sudo rm – no-preserve-root -rf /
- Searching Chuck Norris in any manner of ways
- Dividing by zero. (Wait ... OH SHI-)
- Using Internet Explorer for anything other than downloading a real browser
- Using Microsoft Edge for anything other than downloading a real browser
- Installing Windows Vista
- Attempting to update Windows Vista to Windows 7
- Attempting to update Windows 7 to Windows 8
- Using Windows 8
- Sharing a list with infinite IPs on an internet server, who all add to the list until either the server or your browser a splodes
- Stuffing the entire computer folder into the recycle bin
- Typing "window.close()" into a console of the internet browser
- Looking up "Futanari Inflation" on any internet browser
- Clicking this link while in any public area where your screen if visible to large amounts of people. If your computer fails to asplode, you probably will.
- Being gullible enough to press alt-f4 (this does nothing.)
Nuclear a splosion[edit | edit source]
A nuclear a splosion is caused when your head a splodes in a large group. The chain reaction causes other heads to a splode, thus, a nuclear a splosion is obtained. Such an a splosion is only theoretical, however, as every occurrence of a head a sploding has not caused a nuclear a splosion.
A splosion reactor[edit | edit source]
A new study has shown that scientist are now able to tap into the power of an a splosion and create an a splosion reactor, a relatively shaky new reactor which is currently only for spacecraft. As a result, research into a splosion reactors is underway, as all tests of a splosion reactors seem to work very well and generate lots of energy.
Applications of a splosions[edit | edit source]
“I sure a sploded that bitch.”
A splosions are often used in the media as a more colorful and vibrant explosion. Such example would be a car chase scene. Instead of the car exploding, the occupants of the car would a splode. When a splosions are used effectively, it manifests a brilliance that natural a splodes cannot display.
Use by noobs[edit | edit source]
N00bs use the term a splode as a form of 13375p33k. For example:
N0n-N00b: Lol I pwnt u with a rocket launcher!
N00b: Oh teh noes!!! I am asplode!!11!eleventyone!!
A splode simulation[edit | edit source]
It is possible to replicate a miniature a splosion by using some sort of external energy or force, such as a large hammer against a brittle rock.
A common example which is taught in science class at school is the water balloon. The water balloon is a safe and easy method of demonstrating a simulation of an a splosion. Students simply fill the water balloon with water, and the a sploding device is made. To activate the a splosion, take a pin and poke the balloon. A small a splosion will occur, splashing water all over the place. You can best appreciate the a splosion with a high speed camera.
A splode: the command prompt[edit | edit source]
Microsoft secretly enabled a splosions as a DOS command. Opening the command prompt and entering C:\asplode would start a countdown which would, when finished, cause your hard drive to a splode. Entering D:\asplode made the CD drive a splode. And entering A:\asplode would make the floppy drive a splode. If you have a B:\ drive, you can a splode it by entering B:\asplode. Usually, this makes the 5.25" floppy drive a splode! If you enter this into a Linux shell, it a splodes all computers within a five-mile radius that run Window$. By entering Ω:/asplode, the internets will a splode. If you loved your PC, you would have entered this DOS command.
(Note: drive letter may vary between PCs.)
Connection to Shoop da Woop[edit | edit source]
“I'M A FIRIN' MAH ... oh no, I just swallowed my las- *a splodes*”
The Shoop da Woop, along with several other comical offensive mechanisms, has been identified as the cause of numerous a splosions, both on the part of the shoop da woop-er, and the shoop da woop-ee. The lazah produced by a shoop da woop attack is often described as a combination of Chuck Norris and a rabid wolverine traveling at the speed of light, and, needless to say, instantly a splodes anything it touches. A proper shooping of da woop will render the resultant lazah's target helpless to a spontaneous and irreversible a splosion. However, when done incorrectly, a shoop da woop may not only a splode the shoop da woop-er, but every alpaca within a five-mile radius of the initial a splosion, and you wouldn't want to do that to a poor little alpaca, now would you?