Alt +F4

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Alternative Text for Alt + F4 keys

Alt + F4 is a key combination which was invented by Microsoft Corporation many years ago as an alternative to voluntary hardware failure, which was, up until the point, the preferred way of ending processes on an IBM machine. Alt +F4 was originally introduced in Windows BC. Its continual appearance in successive versions of the Microsoft operating systems proves that this function is unnecessary. All Microsoft does to keep it alive is to trick you into thinking it is a 'happy and fun way to play new games on your computer!'

History[edit | edit source]

When Bill Gates began his work on the Microsoft project, he realized the importance of implementing a system of immediate termination of windows on his new invention. He pondered and pondered. As he pondered some more, he pondered again. And as the pondering continued, more pondering occurred, making way for more pondering, which in turn led to still more pondering (His pondering eventually led him to great riches). The pondering finally made him so tired that he went to his refrigerator, poured out a glass of pure, freshly-squeezed, organic, preserved orange juice from concentrate, and went to his front porch and sat down on his yoga mat to watch the tornado destroying his neighbor's house. Suddenly, God looked down at Gates, and he had an idea! He decided to include somehow the various categories of tornadoes in his project! Therefore, he came up with the F [insert number here] button. Because of his unhealthful fascination with tornadoes, he already had a favorite category, which happened to be the F4. He did not have any particular reason for this, except that it was a fairly large kind, but not not too big. It was definitely large enough to destroy houses, such as the one he was watching fall to the ground.

As he pondered the new diabolical system that had wandered into his head, he felt that he needed something more. So he reached into his pocket, pulled out a container of Altabloid tablets to freshen his breath with the magical sand from the spot where the Dead Sea Scrolls had been found. As he pondered the magical properties of the salty-fresh mint, he again realized that he needed to have a button on his new keyboard that would magically change the function of certain keys, namely the 'tornado' keys.

"What a simple solution!" Bill Gates said. "All I have to do is make a magic tornado! Then my victims who I nicknamed my clients will be able to close any windows with ease and efficiency!"

Therefore, when the first Windows BC was released, the combination of pressed keys 'Alt' (short for 'Altabloid') and 'F4' were programed to exit out of any window henceforth at such a time as the pressing of said combination of said pressed keys.

Alt + F4 is the crude predecessor to the now common 'X' button. Alongside the Alt + F4 combination, a large part in program-closing technology has been played by Squirrels, who have historically been a very important factor in running Computers. Alt + F4 gained popularity after being massively promoted by Stephen Fry in its use for closing pornography without the inconvenience of squirrel presence. In a recent interview, Bill Gates claimed he "didn't know about that at all."

Task Manager for Windows 1.0

Modern Uses[edit | edit source]

This keystroke has a number of modern-day applications:

  • Closing flash games/naughty internet sites during lesson time in School
  • Closing MSN Messenger when they are not supposed to close MSN Messenger
  • Closing Recycle Bin when they are required to have it open
  • Being a brat to older and more mature siblings on the computer
  • For grown men to rapidly close pornographic material when their parents/wives/children interrupt 'Me-time'
  • For grown women to rapidly close shopping sites when their parents/husbands/children leave the room, so that they can then check the football scores

Symbolism[edit | edit source]

The twelve tornado keys are undisputably a reference to the Twelve Tribes of Israel, but the order in which the tribes are represented is unclear, as there does not seem to be a reason for such a reference. The Alt key, in addition to symbolizing Altabloids, clearly indicates the 'alternate' lifestyle of practicing homosexuals. It is well-known that such persons have an unnatural hobby of combining with 'F' buttons to close windows. Pressing two keys at once is a symbol of music, cars, monkeys, donkeys, and turkeys. In a broad sense, this means that pressing Alt + F4 leads to Global warming.

Did You Know?[edit | edit source]

  • Windows BC came with functions as well for 'Alt' + 'F1' through 'F12'
  • 'F1' minimized the window, but then brought it back up again
  • 'F2' minimized the window, but did not bring it back up
  • 'F3' almost closed the window, but insufficient wind speed would cause it to open again
  • 'F5' closed the window and minimized the next one in line
  • 'F6' closed the window and the next one
  • 'F7' closed all open windows
  • 'F8' closed all open windows and deleted the hard drive
  • 'F9', due to a lack of creativity on Bill Gates's part, invented a paper clip helper to help the user develop ADHD
  • 'F10' closed all open windows, closed windows, and windows not invented yet, and uninstalled the monitor, mouse, and keyboard
  • 'F11' closed all windows, magnetized the monitor and then uninstalled it, and switched the programing for the mouse and keyboard before uninstalling them
  • 'F12' opened the Special Edition Hidden Screensaver Plus! with rainbows that moved across a cloudy sky
  • 'F13' did not exist.
  • Due to a few critics' criticizing critical critiques, Bill Gates had the Alt + F1-F12 (except for F4) combinations permanently ejaculated, but portrayed as ejected from the system.
  • According to scientific studies in scientifically studious magazines, the Alt + F4 combination is actually a 'happy and fun way to play new games on your computer!'
  • God waited a long time for someone to realize why He was creating tornadoes.

See Also[edit | edit source]