F-16 pilot

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F-16 pilots are extraordinary human beings that have been selected by a divine entity to pilot the world's most indescribably awesome aircraft, the F-16. Other individuals may be selected to pilot other aircraft, but only the best of the best get to be F-16 pilots.

Being Kickass[edit | edit source]

This is the example of a kick ass pilot. Notice that he is not just flying a plane, but he is flying a kickass F-16.

As per the explanation of Fighter planes, the person on the right is flying an F-16, therefore he absorbs the kickass-radiation from the F-16. As F-15 pilots absorb ego, F-18 pilots absorb the false sense of being cool, and F-22 pilots absorb loneliness as no new F-22s are made, F-16 pilots absorb kickassery. A person's kickass-level is sort of like a way of measuring how like Chuck Norris a person is.

The creation of the Kickass[edit | edit source]

All fighter pilots go through the long and hard process of becoming a fighter pilot (STS), but only F-16 pilots get to absorb kickass-radiation (therefore they generally get to sleep through the "how to use air to air weapons" courses, since enemy fighters are afraid of coming near an F-16). In a related development, F-16s carry Sidewinders. You'd think that would be in another article or some shit, but fuck it.

F-16 pilots' effects on other fighters[edit | edit source]

Kickass-radiation is like kryptonite to enemy fighters. So if an F-16 pilot is reassigned to another fighter, the kickass-radiation is transferred, though slightly diluted (like water added to kool-aid), to the new fighter. So when an F-16 pilot flies an F-15, the F-15 is now a kickass egomaniac. F-22s become shiny and almost bearable to look at. F-18s? No sane F-16 pilot would ever come near an F-18, so the effects are unknown.

The F-16 pilot in the real world[edit | edit source]

In the outside world, F-16 pilots get special treatment. They get to cut to the front of the line. They get discounts at the store. When they have something to say in an argument, it ends the argument.

Chuck Norris and the F-16 Pilot[edit | edit source]

Chuck Norris has regular meetings with various groups of F-16 pilots and helps them learn the ways of the Kickass. The Kickass is strong in some, and it's Chuck Norris' hope that someday one of them will be his successor. All fighter pilots aspire to be "the one".

Chuck often invites them over for dinner, with the understanding that the authority of the "Mayor" belongs solely to Chuck and no other man. Dinner usually consists of beef jerky marinated in tabasco sauce, served with Tabasco Sauce. Then they follow it with a 16-ounce glass of vodka. Straight fucking vodka. Of course, Jeremiah Weed (only the finest Connecticut bourbon) is always at the table and several shots consumed by all parties. After which they sit around talking about the women they've been out with, and compare numbers of women they've had to brush off while on said dates. This is often followed by watching homemade movies of dog football. Kittens and puppies are often also involved in this sport. Immediately following, you can often observe a Ceramic Jihad.