W

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Fortune hunters standing around near a favored pirate's buried treasure symbol.

“My favourite thing about the letter W is holding down the 'Ctrl' or ‘command’ button and then pressing the 'W' key. Go on, try it for yourself! Ooh, or maybe press ‘Alt’ button then ‘F4’!”

~ Oscar Wilde on 'W'

W is the Roman numeral for 1337. The Romans used it on their legionary standards to warn their enemies that they were very 1337, and could kick their asses at any game, including killing each other.

Derivation of the Letter W[edit | edit source]

W is derived from the English UU and the French VV (...seriously, this is fucking confusing), which derive from the Greek Y (not the English Y), called Whypsilon (or Upsilon by some uneducated people). Before Upsilon, W was represented by the Greek F (not the English F), a symbol originally found in Phoenician manuscripts that roughly translated to "up yours."

There are no known instances of W being used as a non-numeric letter before the beginning of the 21st century. However, modern graphemologists have theorized that the appearance of two consecutive U's in many archaic English words indicates that the W has long-since replaced them in order to save on bandwidth. This is however contested by the French, who call the "W" a "double vé", or "dobelle vee", which would indicate that this contraction dates back to when Latin was still used; but seriously?. Mainstream public attention was first paid to the letter W when glittery gold mylar shit was draped all over the tits of Linda Carter in the public television series of the same name. Or maybe it was called Wonder Woman.

Similarities to the Letter M[edit | edit source]

A bumper sticker noting the similarities between the letters W and M.

In 2008, many people realized that the letter M is an upside-down W; the two letters are so similar that Senator Hillary Clinton called them "two sides of the same coin."

Symbolism[edit | edit source]

Some people disapprove of the existence of the letter W even of today.

W is the international symbol for pendulous witch's tits, often seen on the weather forecast maps of Scotland. Aberdeen is particularly prone to showers of witch's tits.

The W is also a favourite pirate's symbol, used to denote the location of important things, like buried cash or where to find the cheapest whores when you've spent all your money on grog.

One of the two most boring letters of the alphabet (the other being "k"), rating only two lines in the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, Fourth Edition.

W as a butt[edit | edit source]

Sometimes the letter "W" could be mistaken as a butt. Or maybe it's just a lower-case "omega". No, it's a butt.

In the 1970's, the letter W was drawn as a butt so that they could encourage College Students to stay in school. But the Average White Band used it more often than the schools, (This was why "Pick up the Pieces" was a popular song at the time.)

Capital of Wales[edit | edit source]

W is the capital of Wales. It replaced C following the Great Pagan Invasion of 1250.[citation needed]

Usage[edit | edit source]

The letter is the first letter in a number of words:

Lawsuits[edit | edit source]

The copywrited 'W' was clearly duplicated and switched around a bit to make what the defendant claims "...a completely DIFFERENT letter, I tell you!" The jury claimed that 'W' was in fact, a copy of 'M'. 'M' countersued 'W' and W's are now banned from society (ex: George W. Bush)

Usage Note[edit | edit source]

When referring to our Glorious Leader of the Free World George W. Bush, the letter is pronounced "Dubya" (preferably in a thick Southern accent). Maximum effect is obtained if holding a large calibre rifle and intoxicated or paralysed.

See Also[edit | edit source]

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