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From today's featured article
In a series of declassified documents containing accounts of wars, rumors of wars, and battles that have no victors or defeated opponents or worldwide destruction that can be defined by any costs or empires captured, there is a hearty bunch of terrified witness to the fact that Cthulhu was a main concern for the multibillionaire corporation known as the Government of the United States. While there does seem to be a list of who was involved directly in the dismantling of the beast known as Mister Squid Face, it's unclear how many from the corporation of the United States had been assigned the task of the impossible conquest to take down an ancient Slime Lord that's been nothing but trouble. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?
- ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
- ... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that the butler did it?
- ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
- ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
- ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
In the news
- Trump picks Led Zeppelin to lead EPA
- Obama smears poop on daycare
- Kardashian and Aniston endorse bestiality (Pictured)
- UnNews publishes official 2024 post-election guide for liberals having to deal with Trump
- Joe Biden wins 2024 election, confusion erupts in America
- 2024 U.S. election cancelled due to absence of electoral votes, anarchy likely to follow
- TikToker Peanut the Squirrel swatted, killed for "illegal guns and drugs"
- Springfield infant arrested in second Trump shooting
- Obama to dead people: "Don't boo, vote!"
- Repeatedly haunted astronomers change the name of Betelgeuse
- Saw XI's poster design changed again
- 2024 Presidential election too close to call for the third day running
- President Biden apologizes for no apparent reason
- UnNews endorses Kamala Harris so the real news doesn't have to
- Conservative UnNews contributor rage-quits over this, then rejoins days later when he gets bored
- Donald Trump enlists former NFL problem child Antonio Brown, introduces Trump Fries
- Fire-type Pokémon Typhlosion faced with rampant sexual harrasment charges
- 10 out of 9 people unable to use a number line
- David Duke endorses Jill Stein, claims Trump "not racist enough"
- Doctor: Kamala Harris not elderly white man with dementia
- Rapper and rapist Sean "P. Diddler" Combs admits to baby oil addiction
- Joe Biden "accidentally" endorses Trump on Instagram
- Lon Chaney and son endorse Kamala Harris
- Lucy makes surprise appearance in fighting video game
- And on SNL!
- 16 Takeaways on why news stories these days are dominated by takeaways
- Florida Man tries and fails to get Trump shot again. Nobody cares this time, not even Trump.
Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • NBA and NHL seasons
Recent deaths: Yahya Sinwar • Eurovision Song Contest • Quincy Jones • The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet • American Democrat sea.. err, democracy • Tony Todd
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Kate Middleton • The Dallas Cowboys', New York Jets', and Chicago Bears' playoff chances • Noam Chomsky • Google as a monopoly • Coldplay
On this day
November 13: Quack Like a Duck Day
- 7573 BC - Hermes and Aphrodite have a lovely bouncing boy, Hermaphroditus.
- 832 - Saint Anselm is permabanned from the Vatican for setting fire to the Pope.
- 1972 - Mediocre Britain votes on whether to join the European Community, turnout low, result 6-4.
- 1978 - While starring in an open air production of Shakespeare's Henry V, Sir John Gielgud is carried off by a hunting kingfisher. He is found unharmed some hours later, having tricked the bird into incubating his egg-like head.
- 1990 - The first webcomic is launched, entitled Two Sarcastic Badgers and Some Clipart.
- 2007 - The Gummy Bear™ album gets released in stores much to the exhilaration of a quarter of Earth's population.
Picture of the day
In order to quell the ongoing strife in the Mideast, the Canadian government has elected to send their elite peacekeeping forces into Afghanistan, Iraq and Mos Eisley. Image credit: NewMess1ah |
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