From today's featured article
And then, from the corner of the room came a sound. A dreaded sound. The tortured changgg of a slightly out-of-tune guitar being lovingly stroked by someone whose ambition far outweighs their talent rang around the room, and as hearts sank in unison, the cry went up: Jesus Christ, who brought that guitar?
Now if you were a professional musician, or you and your friends were in a bagpipe band, that's one thing - and we'd almost expect that sooner or later there'd be an attempt at an impromptu rendition of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. But that's not the case, is it dude? You're not a professional musician - you're not even really an amateur musician, as that implies a modicum of talent. You're a self taught chord abuser, and that's where the problems start. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)
- ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
- ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
In the news
- Greece: Zeus will smite anti-vaxxers
- President Partons turkey (Pictured)
- Girl remembers breakup song All too well
- Britpop fan's opinion on the Dexter revival
- Oscar the Grouch, Bert fired over vaccine mandates
- Windows 11 JBE will be hitting shelves just in time for Christmas
- A*Teens reunite 40 years later
- UnNews' exclusive interview with God
- R.E.M. members reunite, sign gigantic deal
- Patrick eats SpongeBob
- O.J. Simpson to make triumphant return to acting
- Citizen Kane sucks
- John Kerry comes out as a horse
- Supermarket thief: "Donkey Kong told me to"
- Mike Pence turns into a pickle
On this day
- 1897 - Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he wants you to listen to Adele's brand new album, ready for the holiday season! Her lung noises make you feel sad, give her money!
- 1922 - The Coca-Cola Company debuts its famous Polar Bear mascot for the holiday season! The crisp, refreshing taste of our caramelized fizz water attracts even vicious arctic predators!
- 1998 - 100 billionth e-mail with subject line "Viagra is food for the soul" opened: Sponsored by Viagra: Penis Yours Big Penis Women Fuck™.
- 1970 - British funny-makers who are very popular with 18 to 34 year old internet income dispensers make funny skit about SPAM®! What a funny sketch! Spammity-spam! Hilarity! Buy our products.
- 2009 - Famous Chihuahua mascot of Tex-Mex food-service provider Taco Bell, Gidget, dies after one too many lines of cocaine. The fame went to his head! Commemorate this tragedy by buying one of our Doritos Locos Tacos (in cool ranch or fiery red spicy)!
- 2012 - Everyone decides that it's okay to put Twitter hashtags on commercials. Is this who we are as a species? Is this the reason why God has condemned use to die?
Picture of the day
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