From today's featured article
The Tour de France is a mythical cycling race which takes place in a gorgeous, endearing, and alcoholic-filled nation called France. It is one of the biggest sporting events in the world, rivalling the Superbowl and the Timbuktu Camelshoe throwing contest. It is said to be the supreme test of human endurance and grit, and the most gruelling cycling event in the world, despite the fact that the Vuelta a Espana and the Tour of Grabashloyshka are just as hard.
The first Tour was held in 342 BC and was raced on horse carriages. It was named the Tour de Gaul and was won by a youth named Asterix, who was heavily suspected of underhand magic. His personal druid Michelix Ferrarix had a sulphurous reputation on the matters of performance enhancing potions and bad haircuts. After a horse strike and the inevitable elephant stint, the race was finally run on actual bicycles in 1903 and won by French plumber Maurice Garin. Garin was distinctive for being a very hard man on his bike, not striking and looking as pale as death on all his photographs. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
- ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
In the news
- UnNews remembers Ennio Morricone
- Supreme Court to David Byrne: "This is not your beautiful wife"
- The Big Bang Theory pulled for being pizza-face
- Your favorite show is renewed for 9th season (Pictured)
- The Police shorten band name to "The" over controversy
- TV's Cops cancelled 25 years too late
- Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus
- Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich
- Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization
- Your cat's gonna kill you
- Christof from The Truman Show dies aged 74
- Libertarian celebrities sing Imagine No Taxes
On this day
- 1870 – In the midst of high school, and without the convenience of LiveJournal, Oscar Wilde expresses his angst and sorrow by composing the poems Poems.
- 1917 – The The Bisbee Deportation occurs as vigilantes kidnap and deport nearly 1,300 minors from Bisbee, Arizona. The children are forced to wander the Arizona desert in search of shelter and sustinence.
- 1993 – The sale of Chex Mix is officially banned in the United States after disturbing trends regarding improper usage come to light.
- 1998 – Icelandic megastar Björk is arrested for allegedly causing several thousand dollars worth of damage to an Icelandic bed and breakfast. She is later acquitted after testifying "I am the round and the square, the ocean is sea."
- 2004 – Harold And Kumar finally make it to White Castle.
- 2008 – The United States Presidential race heats up, as Senator John McCain reveals his platform and begins intensive campaigning.
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