~ Me on that thing that looks like ∩
Whilst basically just an upside down U (although others have argued that it is actually an n with its tail cut off), the ∩ has led a prolific life of world domination and is the supposed Supreme Overlord of the Axis of Evil; The Axis of Evil-Doers, the Evil League of Evil, the League of Super Evil, the Conclave of Doom, and EA Games. ∩ is also the horseshoe throwing logo and the 0th letter in the alphabet. However, its similarity to an erect penis is a lie.
∩ is pronounced uwi, or u when kicked in the balls, ranging from the short burstful "uh" or the long drawn out "uuuuuuuuuuu" depending on the length, breadth, strength, and scope of the ball strike. Alternatively, it's called 'intersection' by nerds, though "U∩tersection" would make more sense because it contains ∩ both right-side-up and up-side-down in the first two letters alone.
Contrary to popular belief ∩ is not an upside-down glass and therefore can be considered neither half empty nor half full, nor can it be considered by an engineer to be twice as large as it needs to be.
Although sometimes considered to be a bag of chips, it is made of not only chocolate but also some strange material that likes cheese. Therefore, watermelons will cease to be due largely in part to the letters of the keyboard being misleading and wanting to steal its virginity. This makes perfect sense.
∩ is suspected to have several accomplices. √ has been linked to him in many crimes, but both deny ever knowing each other. Investigations are still going on as to who else ∩ may have worked with. There are also reports of ∫ conspiring with ∩ in world domination plots, with very little evidence to back up the claims. Other supposed partners-in-crime include ∑, ∆, ∂, and Ł. Other allegations report that ∩ may have been eating out pi since it was 3.14 years old, brandishing ∩ an integral molester.
The ∩'s first attempt at power was in 1931 when it possessed the body of Joseph Stalin. Stalin, commanded by ∩, immediately started purging Russia. However, the ∩'s reasons behind this Purge are totally unknown. After about 10 years of this though, the ∩ got lost too many troops and left Stalin to die.
Then, what is considered possibly the most genius move of its entire career, the ∩ possessed Adolf Hitler and commanded her to genetically create Oprah Winfrey. Unfortunately for ∩, Winfrey's incompetence lost both the war, and ∩ left her to die as well; but, in accordance with Tibetan mythology, she became host of a talk show instead. ∩ and Hitler were on the run
After many years of searching, the American, British, Roman, Australian,New Zealand, Norwegian,Polish, Chinese, Canadian, Gunslinger, Viking, Zombie, Robot, Ninja and Pirate forces, including Chuck Norris, tracked down ∩ alongside Hitler in the Führer bunker. Norris kicked Hitler straight into the sun, and then ∩ killed Eva to make it look like a suicide. ∩ and Norris fought for seven days straight before Norris roundhouse kicked ∩ in the balls and it supposedly disintegrated.
∩'s Rise again
In 2021 it is prophesied that ∩ will take over as the most loathing, evil man in the world, in a new form known as Cthulhu. A struggle for world power will eventuate between Cthulhu and his Disgruntled subordinate Oprah Winfrey. However, as it has happened many times before and will happen many times in the future, the Demi-god, Cher will eventually try to kill Cthulhu after he is done eating Oprah's bone Marrow and Cthulhu and Cher will have a gigantic battle that will ravage and destroy half the entire galaxy of Andromeda. After Cher is dead he'll shit out his organs and it'll spell:
∩∩∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩∩∩ ∩∩∩∩ ∩∩∩ ∩ ∩∩∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩∩∩ ∩∩∩∩ ∩∩∩ ∩∩∩∩∩ ∩ ∩∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩∩∩ ∩∩∩ ∩∩∩ ∩∩∩ ∩∩∩∩ ∩∩∩ ∩ ∩ ∩∩∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩
right before disappearing from existence.
∩∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩∩∩∩∩ ∩∩ - General Custer
∩∩∩∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ ∩ -itself
∩'s Other Goals
Besides simple world domination, ∩ also aspires for linguistic domination. It has, on many occasions, attempted to poison the English language by planting itself in words where other letters belong. The closest it has ever come was when it tried, near successfully, to have ∩berday created in place of Uberday. Alternatively, it has proceeded to turn the French language into a long pointless bunch of words, although it never inserted itself into it.
Other Attempts by ∩
- ∩cylopedia, which later became the wicked Wikipedia
- ∩'s chemical formula is Fe237Au9999Ag8989888, making it the most valuable letter in the alphabet, since it has so much gold and silver in it.
∩ Assassination Attempts
There have been over 1500 (failed) attempts at ∩'s death. Most notably, an inside job to take down ∩ and his allies and take control of Best Buy was started by Steve Wilkos, who blames ∩ for taking his hare. After setting off an explosion, which gave ∩ super saiyan powers, take over of the Best Buy began. Wilkos and his gang (composed of Mushmouth, Dumb Donald, Bill, Weird Harold, Russell, Russell Peters, Rudy Davis, Bucky, your mom and fellow hare-less friend Mace Windu) first got the manager, Tom Cruise, fired. Whilst taking Cruise's name tag, ∩'s men killed Wilko's gang (and Cruise). A movie staring Batman, Pee-Wee Herman, and him was released on Halloween of 2006, at the end of the Second Vietnam War