The World

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Entirely accurate map of The World

“Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe. You've seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You've heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rain forests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world. Fools. The Earth is built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy. ”

~ Sam Hughes on How to destroy the Earth[1]

The World is a big (theoretically) round place inhabited by many species of plants, animals and the dreaded Planimals. Many religions have different theories about the creation of the world, from Intelligent Design, to Unintelligent Design. However, the truth is far less dramatic. In actuality, the world was created by God, but He soon regretted this choice. Ownership of the world currently belongs to Great Britain who won the 2 competitions in deciding ownership which were held in 1914 and 1939.

There are rumours of so called "History" from before the period, but these are filthy lies perpetrated by scientists in order to hide their real plan of turning the world into Yoghurt in bitter resentment of their continuing virginity. The Yoghurt is apparently very symbolic, but seeing as you need a PhD in chemistry and 6 years experience in nuclear reactors, it hardly seems worth it.

There are two types of people in the world, apart from the whole counting joke thing: Wikipedia Articles and Gorillaz.

The world's capital and center is Cao County, and it's deputy capital is Ottawa. The World is also a suburb of Tyringe.

There has also been a game released simply titled "The World", however many people have rallied against it. The aim of the game is basically to garner as much public attention as you can; unfortunately the excesses to which players such as TomKat go has been deemed unacceptable by the authorities, namely David Zucker (a World Controller as described in Aldous Huxley's autobiography 'Brave New World').

History[edit | edit source]

Main article: History of the world
The World as it looks from outer space

There is only very little documentation on the history of the world but it is believed that it was discovered last week by Carol Chesterfield-Wardrobe:

“I was baking a cake when I slipped on some anti-tank mines and there it was right in front of me”

~ Carol Chesterfield-Wardrobe on The World

Others believe that is crazy nonsense based entirely on the rantings of clown-batty badger woman. Either way its a lovely story and there is mention of cake.

The World was originally called Aunt Bertha's Fun-Sphere only to be bought up 2 years later by the National Trust and rebranded as Corson's Laxatives presents Aunt Bertha's Fun-Sphere. This name was dropped not long after, as Corson's Laxatives located a sphere that was more fun.

The world also has a difficult past with its evil brother, Saturn. Saturn was accused of being cold and hollow when it sneaked up behind The World and pulled its trousers down, thus embarrassing The World in front of its hot cousin, Mercury, at a recent galactic barbecue.

Population[edit | edit source]

Main article: Humanity
The main dominant life form in our world (Ants) have adopted a few major worldwide religions.

The world is populated generally, primarily, and/or mainly by Super Humans, Master Humans, Fantastic Humans, Hairy humans that don't know anything (also known as Americans),GwarlingsForeigners, Monkeys and vikings. Also there is some secondary population, known mostly as "MINE" or "NOT YOURS!".

Overpopulation problem[edit | edit source]

There are over 8 billion people in the world, which has led to massive shortages of food. Cannibalism has been adopted in many places in order to both feed the important citizenry, and get rid of the unimportant people. As the unimportant people make up the vast majority of people on the planet, the select few important individuals are assured of stable supplies of food for years to come.

Famous inhabitants[edit | edit source]

The world used to have a famous inhabitant, but a lion ate him. This lion was then found out to have been sent by the Earth Pope.

  • The current President of the World is Obi Wan Kenobi.
  • The current Vice-President of the World is Fergie, who recently declared that its inhabitants must spell everything out in conversation instead of just using words (B to the O, to the B-O-R-I-N-G, baby girl, that's BORING!). It's far catchier that way.
  • The current Prime Minister of the World is The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.
  • The Current Pope of the world is the Pope, for he need not be nameth.

Physical properties[edit | edit source]

The world is divided into 3 main components. These are

  1. Hard Stuff-This includes things such as the ground, houses, mouldy bananas, horseshoes, Jamaican bacon, erected pencils, mushy mushroom pies, and starfish. This section can also be subdivided into Hard stuff and Soft stuff. To find out whether the object is hard or soft, the scientific method is to head butt it as hard as you can, and see how much it hurts. The hardness scale ranges from "AHHHH MY F****** SKULL!!!" to dead.
  2. Wet Stuff-Wet stuff is the section that is basically made up from water, but also includes sea, which is entirely different. Wet stuff comes in many varieties, almost all of them completely and utterly fatal to humans. The wet stuff is inhabited by many different creatures known to the humans as Pokémon. These creatures can be harnessed to work as slaves.
  3. No Stuff-This category includes everything that isn't in the other categories, namely nothing. Some scientists believe that we need this to breathe, but that is stupid, as we can't know because we don't have any. This is where there is no activity whatsoever such as Chris Tarrants bedroom.

and of course we cannot forget:

  1. Hard Stuff-This includes things such as the ground, houses, mouldy bananas, horseshoes, Jamaican bacon, erected pencils, mushy mushroom pies,a chair chese, and starfish. This section can also be subdivided into Hard stuff and Soft stuff. To find out whether the object is hard or soft, the scientific method is to head butt it as hard as you can, and see how much it hurts. The hardness scale ranges from "AHHHH MY F****** SKULL!!!" to dead.

NB: It is possible to change things from one category to another, by application of Heat or Cold. This is because Stuff is made up of kerjillions of pixies, which will huddle together in the cold, making the stuff harder, and the opposite when hot.

In 1991 the world went boom and every one died but the race of lesbiansgaysactors and hobos (But eventually had to have sex with hobos to survive ( i feel so sorry for them wawawawa not really in their faces!!!!!!!!!!hahahahaha!!!!) and fat people (weigh ove 200kg).

Ancient Hindu drawing of Gorgormon.

How the World moves[edit | edit source]

It is widely believed in many religions and scientific circles that under a thin layer of the World's surface, a cyclops nicknamed Gorgormon spins it on its axis.

Massive and strong, Gorgormon would have to be nearly forty feet tall and able to survive intense heat of over 103 degrees fahrenheit. Despite persistent arguments, there is as of yet no concrete evidence that Gorgormon is either a Pokemon or Digimon.

Gorgormon enjoy funny movies and fine dining. Gorgormon turnoffs: Smoking. Gorgormon dislike pineapple! Pineapple enrage Gorgormon!

Geography[edit | edit source]

United States of America view on the world.

This is a confusing subject. Don't even try to understand geography because everything you think you know about it is wrong. For example, what country was Poland once a part of? I bet you never knew that, did you? You forgot Poland! In the 1980's all maps in the west were drawn by Ronald Reagan, he discovered some land masses have moved slightly due to plate tectonics. Oh, and everything was owned by Svalbard during their Golden Age right after the sixties.

The World is a very big place. Contrary to popular opinion, the earth has been scientifically proven to be in the shape of a very large cube, with the humans and other well known lifeforms living on the top, and aliens living on the bottom. It is difficult to imagine how big the earth is without some sort of comparison. It is roughly the size of 300 billion people lining up side by side against one wall of a room the size of the world, or to put it another way, roughly five times the size of a Russia.

Many people have attempted to see what is beyond the edges of the earth. One such person is the retired comedian, David Williams, who tried to swim from Japan to the edge of the world. In his autobiography he described his life changing venture, "When I reached the edge, it was like nothing I ever experienced. A large wave carried me over 300 miles to the shores of Alaska. It was so unexpected." Scientists suggest that this is because of a large high speed conveyor belt, made completely from water, which loops across the whole world, and prevents the earth from running into the stars. Scientists also concluded from this situation that the earth is more of a cuboid shape, than a perfect cube.

“It's not a cube, it's a rectangular cuboid.”

~ Harry Hill on The World

The World is made of Diddly Squat, Russia, China, The British Empire, USA , your mom and of course Romania. Belgium doesn't exist. Lithuania has been known to be in several different continents: Africa, Europe and sometimes in Asia. Finland and Portugal are not countries at all, they are mental disorders.

The Netherlands is the capital of the UNIVERSE, but it will be almost completely destroyed by your mom in 2017 and after that the world will be ruled by glow-in-the-dark monkfish, whose seat of power will be Neasden. It is currently owned by a mobile group of crustaceans and sea urchins wearing human-like skin; these are usually collectively known as THE BORG. +++China! pandas will fight off the fish and eventually guide the world to the Age of Bamboo.

++++IEEE 1394 To this day, the Kingdom of the Incredibly Evil Eternal Ebayers has not yet been discovered.

The Shape of the World[edit | edit source]

The World!

The world with it's 12 offical empires-

  1. Orange: Fuuni.
  2. Green: Aferoine.
  3. Light Blue: Bluimblack.
  4. Light Green: Great Britain since it gave everyone their land back (stupid idea they owned it all before).
  5. Blue: Indianapolis.
  6. Brown: JohnRossland.
  7. Pink: Galorda.
  8. Yellow: Pieland.
  9. Meauve: The Buttonies empier.
  10. Red: The Nepalese empier of Cattmandou.
  11. Fawn: The Narco-empier.
  12. Grey: Unclaimed, but full of spyes and igloos.

EVERYONE knows that the world is flat. If you wander too far off the edge, you fall off... however, nobody has actually managed this. They tend to reach the edge, then black out and sail all the way to the other end of the world. They wake up remembering nothing, and therefore believing that they have passed from one edge of the world to another in a matter of seconds. Crazy fools.

Some guy who liked eating fruit once postulated the theory that the earth was spherical, but as with all such theorists, he was locked up for his crazy ideas. This guy looked around himself, and then up and down, became bewildered of the God's creation, and started thinking that earth was round. The guy just forgot that if an object is observed it will be influenced, and therefore it is not as it was. Thus, it cannot be theoretised. In his universe, the God's multiverse corrected the discrepancies between his theories and the truth by subjecting him to solitude, which was of great relief to all others concerned. If this sort of thinking spreads, the correct answer of the origin of the multiverse will be eternally hidden from the scientists, which is correct and just.

Aaah! Cobras!

The entire Universe, of course, revolves around the Earth. This can be clearly proved by the fact that the sun moves about the sky during the day. If you don't believe this, look closely and carefully at the sun - and you will see it move. This works best if you stare directly at it.

Map of The World.

Worldview[edit | edit source]

Many believe that the world revolves around the US. The educated rightley know that Great Britain (as shown in above picture) is the centre of the Universe, and Darth Thatcher be-eth the centre of said Universe. However, Darth was replaced by the actor Tony Blair whose expert skill at acting the lap dog of the American president only brings shame to himself, mostly. To think that someone will ACT a lap dog?! In Soviet Russia, lap dog acts YOU!!

Economics[edit | edit source]

The unofficial economic blocks of the world

It some what declined in 2008, because as coconuts became unpopular and the Republic of Locombia's drug trade stayed even. Microsoft sales went up and shirt sale were even more so, so every one got lonely and shirty, not blousey or lousy in Europe once more.

Exports/Imports[edit | edit source]

The world is importing billions and billions of dollars worth of space debris and heat and light while exporting nothing except heat light and crappy American/Australian soap operas, promoting an unstable economy that will eventually collapse.

Contemporary Opinions on the World[edit | edit source]

Jay Leno provides the people of the world with nightly information on the state of things. Rarely with a humorous twist.

The world is often held accountable for failing to produce adequate stimulus for voraciously bored, socially terrorizing youths to react to. Like Sartre, the current generation over-reacts to most things, thus when the world fails to present an adequate source of stimulation, in true French academic tradition, the youths often react to the haunting ghost of the presence of meaning, presenting an indescribable existentialist absence, to which the only response is to make up a fake world, which can fittingly be exchanged for fake things e.g. beliefs, feelings, terrorism etc.

Due the deplorable lack of acceptable stimulus provided by the world, many young people today decide instead to adopt flaming hipocrisy. Hipocrisy is a good way to ensure that one remains invulnerable to the accusations of proles and idiots with beliefs. The combination of guns and hipocrisy is known to be one of the most effective military-strategic paradigms yet discovered by the technologically impaired race of mankind.

“The world is a wonderful place with Goats and arthritis and those little pots of yogurt that come in pots”

“I keep all my stuff there.”

~ That Guy on The World


~ Dio Brando on The World

“Look, I already said what you wanted to hear, so leave me the hell alone.”

~ Dio Brando on the world

“Screw this place, I'm going back home.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the world

“Never gonna happen. Ever. ”

~ Peace on Earth

“Home to a bunch of fags, fancy some candyfloss?.”

~ Martians on The World

“It's not enough.”

~ James Bond on the world

“My Bad?”

~ God on Earth

“hmmm, yeah... sorry about that”

~ Jesus on Earth

“The world is the best freaking place in the whole world. It tickles my genitals.”

~ Devon O'Reilly on The World

“It's mine!”

~ Al Pacino on the world

“Argh! I will take over the world! Watch out!”

~ Bartek on taking over the world

“After I burped, things just haven't been the same.”

~ Pangea on the world's land masses

“In Soviet Russia, The World travels YOU!”

~ Communist on The World

End of The World[edit | edit source]

Main article: End of the World

For many years people have suggested the end of the world, using the now well known phrase The end of the world is nigh. This is actually a corruption from a speech made by Plato in 1923.

“...The world is nigh!”

~ Plato on The World

This referred to Plato's belief that the world was packed with horse meat. This was widely believed until someone pointed out that Plato was in fact a jar of sweet pickles and therefore was not fit to make any judgement call on the contents of the world.

See also[edit | edit source]