Americas
- America redirects here. If you were looking for the United States, you're just part of the problem.
The Americas is the name that the peeps at Yankeeland have given to America, a continent that makes up most of the land in Earth's Western Hemisphere. This is because, in an attempt to distance themselves from the poor people in the other side, the yanks divided the one continent in two: North America and South America; however, this move was soon proved to be a stupid idea, as they still were left with Mexico in their side. Despite this, the gringos now refer to the Americas as two different continents, completely forgetting about that really really tiny piece that joins the two landmasses in one single continent.[1]
On top of this, the yanks have complicated this terminology even further, as they have started to call their own country "America" – despite the fact that it makes up less than a quarter of the actual landmass of America. And because they didn't want to choke by saying "Unitedstatians" whenever they had to refer to themselves, they preferred to use the term "Americans" – even though, by definition, a person living in Mexico, Brazil, Bolivia, Venezuela or any other country inside America can very well be "American" as well.[2]
Geography of America[edit | edit source]
North America[edit | edit source]
Here is where the United States have set their domains to reign not only the Americas, but the entire world as well. First they took over the term "American", and it won't be long before the term "Earthling" refers to someone that lives in this country.[3]
Other countries that reside in this continent/part of the continent are Canada and Mexico. The latter is sometimes categorized as part of a third division, "Central America", as a way for the North Americans to let the Mexicans know they are not welcome in their territories.
South America[edit | edit source]
South America, on the other hand, has an amalgamation of disorganized countries, many of which are most likely unknown to the average yank.[4]
History[edit | edit source]
The history of America dates back to thousands and thousands of years ago, and include a great amount of ancient cultures, such as the Mayans, the Aztecs, the Apaches and the Mohicans.[5] However, when people think of the "History of the American continent", they just think of the moment the Europeans stepped into this once peaceful land to start fattening, indoctrinating, killing and raping everyone who lived there.
For a long period of time, the people living at the other side of the world were unaware of the existence of this giant chunk of land. This was mostly as a result of the belief that traveling too far outside the known world would make you fall into a bottomless waterfall full of monsters, grues, and whatnot. But an Italian man by the name of Christopher Columbus was rational enough to realize that the Earth wasn't a flat disc but a cube;[6] and so, he set on a journey to prove the cubeness of the world. However, because they didn't know about America, they thought they were setting to Asia; and when they got there, they never questioned how did those yellow-skinned people who are always closing their eyes get disappeared and replaced by red-skinned people who had feathers on their heads.
It wasn't until another Italian, by the name of Amerigo Vespucci, that the Europeans started to think: "Wait, maybe this isn't Asia." Because Vespucci had this epiphany first, he got to name the entire continent after himself, leaving poor Columbus to name only a province in the north and a country in the south. Due to Amerigo's effeminate mannerisms (a product of his being Italian), people assumed he was a woman instead of a man, thus the feminine "Ameriga". It is unknown how the G morphed into a C.
See also[edit | edit source]
- America is the best!!! ← Example of the term "America" being used wrong
- American (species) ← Example of the term "American" being used wrong
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ In their defense, Europeans tried to do the same by dividing Eurasia in Europe and Asia, even when the joint between the two is much more evident and clearly visible in any map. For some reason, they left Russia in between, and Russians now suffer from bipolar disorder as they can't decide whether they're a European country or an Asian one.
- ↑ Yes, even Canada. That's right, Canadians are as American as any person living in the United States can be. I've blown your mind by saying this, haven't I?
- ↑ Sci-fi movies have already tried to make this happen by having "invaders of planet Earth" take over the United States and literally no other place else.
- ↑ Then again, to the average gringo, the entirety of South America is just Mexico – which is not even a South American country.
- ↑ Once again, the term "Native American" should be used to describe any of the native people described in this list, yet is only used to refer those that lived in what is now the USA. The term "Indian" may also be used, even after years of discovering that they weren't from India. Just to overcomplicate things.
- ↑ Revisionists have later changed this to a sphere, as a part of a world-wide conspiracy which aims to spread misinformation about the planet's true shape.
Africa • Antarctica • Americas (North America - South America) • Asia (Super Asia - Euthanasia) • Atlantis • Europe • Oceania • Pangaea • Your mom (she's so fat)