Great vowel shift

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The Great Vowel Shift is a form of madness that affected the English (so-called) language in the late Middle Ages, so that no written English vowel retains any similarity, however remote, to the actually spoken, uh, "vowel".

Nonspecialists generally agree that the phenomenon was caused by the introduction of the potato into the English diet, which caused a fad of inserting a hot{citation needed} potato into the mouth when speaking, thus making English incomprehensible to normal human beings (i.e., those who do not speak with a hot potato in their mouths). It is thought that the Royal House and the Parliament incentivized these developments, in order to make it more difficult for foreigners to invade the British Islets. Unfortunately they could not predict the United States and its commercial{citation needed} invasion of everywhere.

The name of the phenomenon is contentious, however, with a significant minority of Englishmen and a majority of Scots believing that "there is nothing 'great' about this shift". On the other hand, linguists are generally cautious about calling it a "vowel" shift. As Dr. Jokevich Punin, from the University of Nearby Moscow puts it, "it is very doubtful that the groaning sounds that the Americans and Brits produce when they are supposedly 'speaking' can really be classified as vowels".