Paste

Please try to avoid smearing excess paste onto your screen or keyboard.

Paste is a highly addictive narcotic substance which comes packed in bottles, generally packaged with a brush under a guise that the substance will be used as an adhesive, due to its sticky nature. Be careful not to confuse paste with glue, whose effects are more subtle and take effect over the long term, but is also produced by the maniacal Elmer's Corporation.

Origins

During the Great Recession, morale in the United States was fairly low, and Kindergarten teacher Cynthia Elm decided that she could help cheer people up if she forced her students to cut paper, stick it together and make glitter art. Duct tape was at a premium, however, so she decided to create a new substance: paste. By combining sugar, water, mayo, bleached Tang, bleach, and a bunch of crushed-up antipsychotic pills from the nurse's office, Cynthia had created the most wonderful sticky substance the world has ever known.

Effects

Paste is interesting that it will have different effects on people of different ages. Anyone over the age of 7 will experience massive headaches and violent vomiting, not to mention regret of not having a good time to go with that hangover. For children 7 and under, however, paste will cause the imbiber to experience extreme hallucinations, screaming, wild and erratic behavior, and in general, make them a "very naughty child." Side effects include bouts of extreme genius, superhuman strength, a desire to join the Republican Party, love of explosives, and loss of bladder control.

Addictiveness

It is of great debate within the scientific community as to what exactly is the primary cause of paste's dangerous addictiveness. Some cite the sugar, some the bleach. Psychological factors have been suggested to play a role, such as peer pressure, and the urge to rebel against a totalitarian society that doesn't believe in recess all day. Paste's addictiveness has also caused it to be rated among some of the top ten dangerous drugs by the FDA, and is often used as an alternative to kitten huffing during kitten shortages. Teens are known to drink large quantities of paste at so called "White Raves", parties at which paste is used to a dangerous level along with other white substances, namely cocaine, cum and skim milk.

As a Latin word

• First or Second person singular for the Latin verb "To eat food of Italian origin, possibly in an attempt to impress a hot chick"
• The declination of the verb Pastar is as follows:

“No thank you. I've had quite enough Latin for now, and if I have anymore I do believe I'll explode. But I could manage a little brandy.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the declination of the verb Pastar

Tenses

The numerous tenses of the verb Pastar are as follows:

Paste: I eat food of Italian origin

• "I'd like some fish and chips please. And a Cornish Paste."
• "He certainly does, sir. No idea why, British food not good enough for him?"
• "Bloody Cornish!"

Paste: You eat food of Italian origin

• "A B C D F G H"
• "Hold on - you paste!"
• "Don't mind if I do. Always have been partial to a bit of spaghetti"

Pasta: He/She eats food of Italian origin

• "I hear Dave fancies Jenny."
• "Yep, just the other day he pasta out in the street."
• "That's bound to impress her."

Pastum: We all scream for eat food of Italian origin

• "Oh my, would you look at the time! It's half pastum... ate!"
• "You're right — and we should have finished all of it by now (hic)."

Pastatis: You all eat food of Italian origin

Pastis: They eat food of Italian origin

See also

• Copy
• Cut
• Making up Oscar Wilde quotes