Å

Å, 1976–1998

Å (born in 1976, died 1998) is the ådopted Swedish, Dånish and Norwegiån brother of A, though he is better known for being the most useless letter of the Swedish långuåge, even more so thån ñ is to Spånish or æ to the långuåge of Middle Eåsterners (I forgot what they spoke, that weird diålect with that l'lllllllllll sound...). He is ålso referred to often as "The Fåther of Scåndinåviån Deåth Emo".

Biography

Childhood

Born in the quiet mountain town of Stockholm, Sweden, Å lived an affluent life, his father Ö being a popular talk-show host and his mother Ä one of Scandinavia's most successful musicians, though Å rarely got a chance to see his mother while she toured Europe with German pop singer Ü. But everything took a turn for the worse when Ö was assassinated in the summer of 1986 by jealous Norwegian reporter Ø, when Å was but 10 years old. The event left Å's mother in a state of hysteria, and in 1990, she suffered a nervous breakdown, leaving Å on his own. Eventually, he was sent to St.Sven's Orphanage in Malmö, where he met orphans J and ð, and formed Sweden's first emo band, Fäll Öüt Bðy. They in turn spawned their own genre of music their fans dubbed "Scandinavian death emo", kinda like what In Flames did with death metal, only emo....yeah, I know; sucks, don't it? The band would eventually split up, but not before undergoing many changes in its line-up, most notably the addition of American pianist §.

At the age of 16, Å was finally adopted by U and Ý, an American couple living in Sweden at the time. The divorce of U and Ý, however, would leave Å struggling between two different lives, and left his already confused and psychopathic emo mind thoroughly discombobulated (yes, it's a word).

Later Life

In 1998, at the age of 22, his once successful band now broken up and his dreams of owning a château in France gone forever, Å decided to move to America to pursue a career as an actor, taking a Southwest Airlines International flight to Los Angeles. On the flight, Å was able to live his Hollywood dreams for at least a few hours as the Southwest crew broke into a song and dance montage aboard the plane. The resulting loss of focus by the pilots caused the plane to crash into the Atlantic Ocean, killing all 180 passengers on board, including Å himself.

His Legacy

Though he is long gone, Å and his band have left their impact on Sweden's music scene with such hits as Life is Deäth and Kill the Norwegians. Å's style of music has since been the inspiration for many other Scandinavian Death Emo artists with weird names, like "Panik! åt the Diskö" and "Zee Ozer Vhite Meet." And every year on December 4th, the day of Å's death, speakers of Swedish from all around the world pay tribute to Å by reciting every word in the language that includes him in it (a total of about five people saying six words). I think we can all agree that Å is truly a hero of not only this poor third-world country, but of the world. Or at least messed-up emo kids.

Family Tree

              Y---Ë     Ì---D
              /  \      / | \
         P---Æ    Ö----Ä  Ã  Ç---Î
          / \      \   /        / \
     O---H  Ÿ**    Å* Â--M  U--I   L---Õ
       /              / |   | \     |
      S              Ã  È   Ê  Ë    T

* The man himself
** Retarded cousin

See Also

• Ö
• Ä
• Ø
• Emo
• Sweden
• A
• Æ