His name is pronounced as wou, but Americans call him "L with a slanty line", as their overweight tongues cannot pronounced his real name properly. Since Ł has been known to have a hot temper, he gets a wee bit angry when someone pronounces his name incorrectly.
Many myths and tales abound as to how Ł got his slanty line, or his "scar". The scientific explanation states that it is a genetic deformity from birth. The Homeric explanation tells that he received his scar during a ferocious battle against the nations of the world. Others say that the line is a spear going through his chest. A small few believe that it is just a bandana.
The exact year of his birth is unknown, but many historians have confirmed that he was born some time in the 1500s. He was the twin brother of L, and their parents were K and к. The hospital made a mistake and Ł entered the home of poor cabbage farmers living in the ghettos of Krakow, Poland. There, Ł had to learn to fight off bad people and vicious beasts, including the occasional moose.
At school, he was not the very social type. He mostly kept to himself and did not have conversations with many people. He did not really like being teased. If someone made fun of him, he would end up kicking their ass, which only added to his isolation from people. However, he did manage to make one friend during his school years, namely ∩. With time, Ł graduated from college with a degree in law and physics, and took up a job at a banking firm.
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Rise to Power
Ł's rise to fame arrived in the late 1600s, when he received a phone call from his old school buddy, ∩. He said that his secret base in the Balkans was under siege from the Ottomans, and that he needed Ł's assistance immediately. He quickly responded to the call, and together, they were able to defeat the Ottomans at the Battle of Vienna in 1683.
Invigorated by this victorious battle, Ł suggested to ∩ that they should attack Russia. The reason for this is that Ł ordered a Matryoshka doll off the Russian eBay and it never came to his house, and if he did not get the doll peacefully, he would take it by force. With this, the duo formed the ∩-Ł Pact and declared war on Russia. This war lasted for approximately 5 years, but unfortunately, they lost in the end, and the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth fragmented as a result. The worst part is that Ł never got the doll he wanted.
After their humiliating defeat against the Russians, Ł and ∩ decided that it would be best to go their separate ways. Despite their separation, they were destined to meet again. In 1776, Ł had gotten word that ∩ was waging war against the Americans with the British. Enthusiastic to once again fight alongside his old comrade, Ł went over to America to fight the colonists. At the Siege of Savannah, Ł discovered that Kazimierz Pułaski, an old minion of his, had changed his name to Casimir Pulaski and had defected to the Americans. Angered by this, Ł fired a well-placed shot to Pulaski's groin as he was riding on his horse, and he died two days later. The siege ended in a British victory with Ł nowhere in sight to enjoy the festivities. Some speculated that he was blown to pieces by a cannon, while others thought that he became invisible and was mooning everybody on a hilltop.
In 1891, Ł rematerialized from the old blood spilled during the American Civil War and was discovered by an individual named Grover Cleveland. Although his powers were slightly diminished, Ł still emanated a powerful aura, and Grover Cleveland was so amazed by Ł's luminosity that he asked him for the ability to become president once again. Although many records of this event have gone missing, it probably went like this:
- Grover Cleveland: Can you grant me the power to become president?
- Ł: Sure, but first you must hand over to me legal ownership of your soul...
- Grover Cleveland: Deal!
The agreement was sealed. Ł managed to fix the votes of the 1891 election and Grover Cleveland became president. Eventually, Grover Cleveland died, and as proof of his submission to Ł, he was transformed into a furry blue monster and joined a merry band of mutants now known today as Sesame Street. As for Ł, no one knows of his whereabouts, although some say that he is lurking somewhere in Poland. Every now and then, he comes to Uncyclopedia to leave the message
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Whenever he is not fighting his arch nemeses, Ł likes to paint, draw, and knit pretty patterns onto cloth; the themes of his works all involve world domination. He also writes articles for numerous websites, including the popular humour site, Uncyclopedia. Apart from his creative works, Ł likes hiking, jogging, and long walks on the beach. Ladies, if you want to get in touch with this proud stud of a man, contact him at ŁŁŁ-ŁŁŁŁ.
“I wiŁŁ annihiŁate you aŁŁ.”