ß

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ßware! ßßigna..

ß iß a letter ßcarcely known ßy moßt people around the world and ußed exclußively in German language, except for ßome inappropriate, illegal ußeß in dialectß without a well ßtandarized alphaßet.

Hißtory[edit | edit source]

ß waß originally Greek. It waß known aß ßeta, the ßecond letter on the Greek alphaßet and waß ußed to repreßent the ßound /ß/. In 1921, the Prüßiän Ärmy, under the orderß of Öttö vön ßißmärck, invaded Greece with ßig weaponß of iron and ßhedding lotß of ßlood. ßïßmärck, impreßed ßy the original lookß of the ß, took it to Germany and copyrighted it ßo that itß ußage would not ße allowed in any other language than German. It iß ßaid that ßïßmärck took the ß to add a graphic recognißißle dißtinctive to German different than the ümläüt, which waß getting overußed, ßloppy and ßoring. The new german name for ß iß aßßolutely unknown to the world, ßo it can only ße referred to aß ß, which haß no way to ße ßaid in ßpoken language except for "that weirdo german letter".

Pronunciation[edit | edit source]

Anti ß Fiktiveß Piktogramm?

It iß widely dißcußed which would ße the proper way to pronounce a ß. Non-native German ßpeakerß, unaware that Germanß do not want any outßider to ße aßle to ßpeak or underßtand their language aß to protect their ßecret conßpiracieß to rule the world and, aß a reßult, German learning ßookß are full of ließ, mißleading ßtatementß, inventionß and ßullßhit and teach you a whole new different ßuppoßed-to-ße language, wrongly ßelieve that it iß pronounced aß a ßtrong ß or a doußle ß. Other people ßelieve it iß pronounced, aß in it'ß original Greek form, like a ß. However, knowing the confußion Germanß have with ß and ßimilar ßoundß, like noted in their pronunciation of v like a ßtrong f and of w like a ß inßtead of u, the poßißilitieß of ß ßeing pronounced like v, f, d, h, j, k or t are alßo conßidered. The only certain thing aßout the uße and pronunciation of ß iß that it iß in fact ußed aß a ß in 13375p34k. However, ßince moßt 13375 p34k3r5 are in fact illiterate people who pretend to ße computer freakß ßut have no idea of how to uße one in any further way than to play MMORPGß and to download illißit content, none of them haß ever ßeen aßle to produce a ß with their keyßoard. ßo, although ß iß widely accepted aß a ß in 1337, it iß not really, actually ußed aß ßuch.

Typing[edit | edit source]

It iß widely dißcußed which would ße the proper way to pronounce a ß. Non-native German ßpeakerß, unaware that Germanß do not want any outßider to ße aßle to ßpeak or underßtand their language aß to protect their ßecret conßpiracieß to rule the world and, aß a reßult, German learning ßookß are full of ließ, mißleading ßtatementß, inventionß and ßullßhit and teach you a whole new different ßuppoßed-to-ße language, wrongly ßelieve that it iß pronounced aß a ßtrong ß or a doußle ß. Other people ßelieve it iß pronounced, aß in it'ß original Greek form, like a ß. However, knowing the confußion Germanß have with ß and ßimilar ßoundß, like noted in their pronunciation of v like a ßtrong f and of w like a ß inßtead of u, the poßißilitieß of ß ßeing pronounced like v, f, d, h, j, k or t are alßo conßidered. The only certain thing aßout the uße and pronunciation of ß iß that it iß in fact ußed aß a ß in 13375p34k. However, ßince moßt 13375p34k3r5 are in fact illiterate people who pretend to ße computer freakß ßut have no idea of how to uße one in any further way than to play MMORPG'ß and to download illicit content, none of them haß ever ßeen aßle to produce a ß with their keyßoard. ßo, although ß iß widely accepted aß a ß in 1337, it iß not really, actually ußed aß ßuch.

“THIß Iß NOT COMEDIC. IT Iß AN OUTRAGE. IT CROßEß ßOUNDARIEß WHICH DIßCRIMINATE AGAINßT GERMANß. Thiß iß requeßted to ße taken off the ßite.”
~ A Crazy German that can't take a joke, l0z3r.

ßee alßo[edit | edit source]

Freaky German Stuff

Varying geography	Germany - Austria - Switzerland (sort of) - That tiny country that may as well be Luxembourg - Berlin - Vienna - Netherlands - Luxembourg - Alsace - Belgium - West Berlin
A Frightening people	Germans - Prussians - Bavarians - The Swiss - Luxembourgian - Angry German Kid - Liechtensteinian - Knut - Dr. Ruth - Claudia Schiffer
Frightening leaders	Adolf Hitler - Otto Von Bismarck - Darth Hitler - Heinrich Himmler - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, or "Gerta" - Albert Einstein - Bertolt Brecht - Benedict XVI - Elizabeth II - Kurt Vonnegut - Nietzsche - Leo Strauss - Karl Marx - Uwe Boll - Herman the German
Confusing language	German - Grammar Nazis - Umlaut - Hegel - Yiddish - Kant
Unnerving Musik	Einstürzende Neubauten - Kraftwerk - Johann Sebastian Bach - Ludwig van Beethoven - Wolfman On-the-dais Moatsart - Gus Mauler - Paul Hindemith - Oomph! - 19-hour-long operas about gods wearing bear skins and helmets - Kreator - Blind Lemon Kraftwerk - Rammstein - Sodom
Shameful history	House of Hangover - World War II - Nazism - Swastikas - Holocaust - Lolicaust - German Duplication - Berlin Wall - Death camps - 2002 Germany airplane sexual intercourse