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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑

Foreign accent syndrome is a rare psychiatric disorder that, in its milder form, causes people it affects to pronounce words in a foreign accent. The disorder usually follows a brain injury caused by non-perforating head trauma, as perforating head trauma is much too gory for a proper mental illness. In extreme cases, victims of FAS can actually acquire knowledge of the foreign language associated with their new accent, slang terms and humorous exaggerated versions of national stereotypes included. A victim who develops a Lithuanian accent might acquire the Lithuanian language, tell other people to "Laizhyk asilo shikna", piss on bottles of Švyturys Ekstra, and date his sister.

As of the present, there is no known cure or treatment for FAS, and scientists have yet to completely unravel how the disorder works. People afflicted with the disorder are usually shunned within their community and turned into social pariahs. Fortunately, there are government sponsored programs that let victims of FAS assimilate in foreign countries where their accents are accepted. (Full article...)

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Archi√∑ – √øt∑ før f∑atur∑d articŁ∑∫

Did ¥øu k∩øw...

... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off?

... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?

... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off?

... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?

... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off?

... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?

Archi√∑ – ∫ugg∑∫t ∩∑w ∑∩tri∑∫

I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws

Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia)

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends

U∩N∑w∫ – Radiø Fr∑∑ Łu∩ch

Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...

March 3: Beat Strangers to Death With a Lead Pipe Day

1800's - The inventor of modern pizza gets brutally hit with a comically large rock, it was not a welcoming "per favore".
1938 - Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia, camel herders use it as a garnish for their camel steaks.
1972 - Jethro Tull releases an album based on what they consider "the most epic poem they've ever read in their life".
1991 - An amateur video captures Rodney King rudely getting in the way of an LAPD officer's jackbooted foot.
1992 - The practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes (Pictured) first emerges in Post-Soviet Belarus.
2007 - A misplaced comma found in the 1st edition of Infinite Jest haunts David Foster Wallace for the rest of his days.
2017 - Nintendo releases the Nintendo Switch, a device used to preoccupy your little brothers while you wash the pots and pans.
2018 - The UN bans the practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes, due to concerns about lead poisioning, and advises everyone to instead follow David Harbour's instructions for dealing with strangers.

√iew tømørrøw – Mør∑ a∩∩i√∑rsari∑∫...

Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d pictur∑

You want surreal? Try wasting four hours a day waxing your 'stache until it closely resembles your entire Catalonian name. That's surreal.

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R∑c∑∩t ArticŁ∑∫

Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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