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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑ I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching the Friday the 13th franchise. Something felt off, though. I don't mean in the way some horror movies might make you uneasy; something felt really, really wrong. That's when I heard it. KI KI KI MA MA MA I immediately got up and looked out the window. That's when I saw the bastard. Jason Voorhees. Standing underneath a streetlight. No weapon. No credit card. No signup. No bullshit. He's not here to kill me; he's here to lay a goddamn beatdown, no two ways about it. I'll be damned if I let that happen. Me and him were staring at each other for about ten seconds before he started walking towards my house. Time to face the music. (Full article...) Recently featured: My Brawl with Jason Voorhees on Halloween 1983 Video essay Charlie Kirk Cyberbullying Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did ¥øu k∩øw... *... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?	I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws One simply cannot piss until he scans this. Dingo eats a woman's baby Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star. Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years The US government continues to shit itself Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured) BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay. NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • World Series (now featuring endless innings!) Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A singer and a security guard from KISS Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • MLB fans' sleep schedules • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa Ø∩ thi∫ da¥... October 30: All Hallow's Eve Eve 1745 - The English plan for the first annual Dress Like An Idiot Day. 1929 - Thousands of investors sell stock in candy, leading to a stock market crash and a very depressing Halloween. 1989 - Old lady buys apples to give out to trick-or-treaters; still doesn't get it. 2011 - Viewers of The Simpons Treehouse of Horror disappointed once again, will be duped again next year. 2014 - Americans everywhere begin to put up Christmas decorations, or leave the Christmas decor they forgot take down. 2018 - The streets of every major city fill with the scent of pumpkin spice and dead homeless people, taken by the cold of winter nights.
Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d pictur∑ The elusive sign to the Stairway to Heaven. Image credit: Codeine View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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