Bryan Kohberger
“Analyzing.. Bryan Kohberger: 1% evil, 99% hot gas.”
Bryan "Booger King" Kohberger (born November 21, 1994) is a weirdo, drug addict, loner, stalker, plant killer, crime-obsessed lunatic, wannabe smart person, and wannabe serial killer.
After being rejected by every girl he ever tried to have sex with for his cringeworthy "rizz", he finally snapped and decided to randomly murder some innocent college students in Idaho and try to get away with it, just for fun and to make himself feel important. Of course, he decided to go in the middle of the night when his victims were wasted and passed out, because if he attacked them during broad daylight, they would have kicked his fucking ass.
Kohberger really thought he was going to be the next Ted Bundy just by virtue of having a Master's degree and tried, oh so hard, to cover his tracks. However, due to his carelessness, germophobia, and OCD tendencies, he wound up unintentionally smearing his DNA all over the crime scene even more while doing so, and wouldn't you know it, the feds caught Kohberger red-handed and busted his ass. And then he had the gall to disrespect the justice system and try and plead his innocence with so many smoking guns present.
When he inevitably ran out of alibi and legal loopholes to exploit, and when he was told that being autistic did not excuse him from murdering people, Kohberger finally admitted to the murders like a coward to avoid getting the firing squad. He is now in jail for life, being left to rot in his "dirty" cell, only being let out once per day for his daily punishment: being dunked face-first into a shit-filled toilet for a "swirlie" while Big Bob shoves his fat cock up his ass, then being granted a shower to "clean up", in which he always drops the soap immediately, leading to round 2.
And that's all we got. Some nutjobs are nuts enough to follow Kohberger cult-style, but not here. In fact, his whole name isn't even worth showing uncensored. Like Diddy, this loser does not deserve a full page on Uncyclopedia.[1][2]
Here are some pages that are more worth your time reading about:
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Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 Even Wikipedia doesn't have a full page on this creep. Fitting..
- ↑ We could call him a psychopath, sociopath, monster, etc. But only a loser like BK would feel more important and somehow accomplished with his sorry life if we called him any of those. Therefore we refer to him as what he truly is: a loser.