Stupidium
| Stupidium | |||||
| |||||
| Physical Properties | |||||
| Atomic symbol: | Su | ||||
| Atomic number: | -1 | ||||
| Melting point: | 141°C | ||||
| Boiling point: | -4°C | ||||
| Isotopes: | 121 Su 123 Su 125 Su | ||||
| Electronegativity: | I dunno | ||||
| Appearance: | Glowing Piss-Yellow | ||||
Stupidium (Su: atomic no. -1; actinide; also known as Idioticium) is an element, usually found around the American School System, with highly variable properties due to its stupidly unstable composition. In most forms, Stupidium emits large amounts of radiation, appearing to cause intense idiocy to those exposed. It strangely enough has one singular negative proton, causing the fabric of reality to twist around it because of its stupid design. Believed to be created while God was blackout drunk and tried to make a new element to show off, the element was created with a rushed and idiotic design, basically falling apart the moment it comes into existence. Because of the element’s dangerous existence, it is a highly monitored substance, and there is a destroy on sight order for it.
Properties of Stupidium[edit | edit source]
The most common form of Stupidium is the isotope of Stupidium-123. It is usually in a gaseous form, but when solid is a distinct, glowing piss-yellow. It is too stupid to remember that it is supposed to be yellow, so it can be found in all forms of colors, but they are usually muddied and look unnaturally ugly. Stupidium-123 is also the most stable form of Stupidium, but is still highly radioactive. The radiation emitted by Stupidium isotopes have a unique effect on organisms, being that it only induces intense stupidity and beliefs in idiotic topics, such as vaccination. The element appears to be attracted to sources of immense idiocy, explaining the reasoning behind its highest concentration being in the North American continent. It also appears to be attracted to blond-haired, blue-eyed, woman named Karen. Stupidium has been used to create weapons, mixing it with other metals to form alloys. These alloy weapons allow for directing of Stupidium’s effects towards only targets hit with the weapon, and leave the user unaffected if enough proper shielding is used. The metals mixed with the Stupidium also stops the instability in the fabric of reality from tearing apart the air.
Creation and Discovery[edit | edit source]
After getting convinced by Satan to go to a drinking party, God, while obscenely drunk, created the element of Stupidium in his stupor after accepting a dare. The Stupidium that survived creation was scattered throughout the cosmos when someone slipped and spilled it all. Stupidium was discovered by humanity after they finally decided to investigate what the hell went wrong with the American School System. Observing strange warping of the air around schools, scientists took a vacuum and sucked up the air, and after some studying, discovered Stupidium. They were subsequently sucked into nonexistence by a rift in reality because they left the Stupidium in the same general area for too long. A few years later, their research was rediscovered by the Russian government and used to keep the American School System a hot mess of garbage.
Containment and Destruction[edit | edit source]
Stupidium cannot be left in the same area for extended periods of time, as it will rip a hole in space and cause immense damages. It is to be contained within a cube of Stalinium at all times, and moved to a location at least 50 miles away every 6 hours. Stupidium must be destroyed by hand, as it does not decay into another substance despite being radioactive and the stupidly fragile atomic structure. Stupidium is in a constant state of decay, but never seems to lose any protons, causing intense instability and the strange negative proton. To destroy the element, you must sacrifice a part of yourself, be it physical or spiritual or psychological or figuratively, and suffuse the element with your sacrifice. Next, dunk it in boiling essential oils, while chanting about something idiotically stupid, such as the spherical earth conspiracy. Finally, crush it with an object of holy origin. If it is in a gaseous form, solidify it by heating the gas until it has coalesced into a solid.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Wearing eyeglasses seems to weaken attraction from Stupidium.
- A study discovered Starbucks coffee to have been laced with small quantities of Stupidium.
- A break in on some secret Russian facilities found large quantities of Stupidium being prepared for transport to America.
- Marijuana found in Bolivia was found to contain moderate quantities of Stupidium.
- At night, deers have their reflexes slowed to nearly nonexistent because of exposure to Stupidium the entire day. Their brains seem to reset in the morning do to unknown reasons.
- Stupidium seems to completely avoid the country of China, but this is not yet completely confirmed.
See Also[edit | edit source]
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.