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[[File:|200px]]   Idiotic Table of Elements » 
Scientific Information
moderate to high
Natural Habitat:
Sitting motionless in front of the television, worrying about her Standard atomic weight
Known Isotopes:
Physical Properties
−272.20 °C, or maybe −272.20 °F
−268.93 °C, or maybe −268.93 °F
Colorless gas, exhibiting a red-orange, almost sickly glow when placed in a high-voltage electric field
No data, as she was visiting relatives in the Horsehead Nebula on the day of Dr. "Pervert" Pauling's dumb exam

It is commonly known that Helium is an element from the first period of the periodic table. But few know of the long personal, extraordinary and unique journey that she has faced over the years.

Childhood[edit | edit source]

Helium was raised by her Auntie Neutrino, along with her lame brother, Hydrogen. Helium was well liked as a child, by her peers and teachers. She was considered more noble than Hydrogen, and certainly more popular due to her thermally and calorically perfect nature. Said Argon, Helium's best friend at the time, "She didn't react to any old thing, unlike her idiot brother. Boy, he was the simplest kid in the Rho Ophiuchi cloud complex."

When Helium was a girl, she had no difficulty making friends. However, her friends were always made fun of, especially Iridium, who was a very dense transition metal. Hydrogen was also bullied for only having "s" orbitals, but due to Helium's lack of reaction and calm demeanor, the three tough guys, Lonsdaleite, Boron nitride and Diamond never bothered her about it. Anyhow, in spite of Helium's qualities, her teacher at the time, Mr. Muon stated that Helium bothered him greatly because "A closed-form solution to the Schrödinger equation for the helium atom has not been found."

During the end of her time at Electron Cloud High, Helium was encouraged by Auntie Neutrino to change, so she could interact with "cooler elements" such as Chlorine, Nitrogen and Oxygen. Helium created two alter ego's - Helium-3 and Helium-4. However, some elements thought this was cover for the fact that she swang both ways, considering that functioning as a fermion and a boson was covering all the bases for being an elementary particle. Despite the fact that Helium-4 was so cool it became superfluid, most of the elements ignored Helium's best efforts. After that didn't work, Helium went around, boasting that she was named after a god, but according to Uranium, the element that started the fad, "That was, like, so after that was fashionable."

Early Adulthood[edit | edit source]

Helium, known for her calm attitude, didn't react after she found out that Fluorine and Neon were together.

During her early adulthood, Helium started to become jealous of Hydrogen's thermal conductivity, density and specific heat. She too decided that listening to heavy metal would help her find inner peace, although unlike her brother, she found Platinum a little more attractive than Osmium. But, as the heavy metal grew duller and duller, Helium realised that she was more into Thermoacoustic stuff.

It is generally agreed that one day, Helium got chatting to Neon, who was a very bright boy in her VB Theory class. Helium and Neon both had a lot in common - the pair were both calm, noble and had high levels of ionization energy. The duo had a comfortable relationship as they never got angry or antagonized with each other, but that all changed when a new element arrived on the scene. Fluorine tore the two apart after telling Neon that "Helium doesn't have eight valence electrons like the rest of group 18, oh no, she only has two, just like that unstable weirdo Radium. You can do so much better."

Helium moved on and after graduating out of high school, she got an internship with Beryllium, a down to earth, solid older element with a lot more connections. According to Argon, "Beryllium really helped Helium take a closer look into her own crystalline structure, and when Helium found out that she was hexagonal close-packed, she looked so much more...congruent."

Helium has often said that she wished the start to their relationship was more meaningful, and wasn't formed by the decay of tritium.

An Old Relationship[edit | edit source]

A long time before her internship, Helium and her brother became very close due to the fact that they had a natural affinity for each other. There was a lot chemistry between the two, and before too long they had a covenant bond. Once they found out, many other elements looked down on the two, saying that it was wrong to be so close. As ever, Helium responded calmly "We haven't broken Hess's Law, and let's remember, this was back when we were the only two elements. It's not like we had a Big Bang or anything."

Of course, the relationship didn't last. Other elements were coming into existence and Hydrogen's nature always made things uncomfortable. The length of their relationship was 0.772 Å, which Helium described as "adequate." Thanks to her coolness and popularity, the relationship was forgotten.

1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium 121Aw Awesomnium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 122Ky Kryptonite 123St Stalinium 124Ob Obamium
Alkali Metal
Alkaline Earth
Transition Metal
Basic Metal
Noble Gas
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