Stalloneium

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They probably should be smoking to be on the safe side.

Stalloneium is an element naturally occurring in summer blockbusters and mindless action movies. At room temperature it can be in gaseous form, liquid form, a dark granular powder, a grey putty or just about anything else.

Its primary chemical feature is the extremely high thermal energy and light output when rapidly oxidized. The kinetic energy output is highly variable.

For those of you without fancy book learnin's that means it blows up real good.


Discovery[edit]

Stalloneium was refined from a sample of Arnold Schwarzenegger's android urine in 1972 at the Bruckheimer particle physics lab in Mexico. It was named after the then-current president's brother Frank Stallone.

Since then hundreds of naturally occurring sources of stalloneium have been discovered. Abundant quantities have been found in cars overturned during high speed chases and steel drums kept lying around for very little reason.

By the time you've finished reading this article MacGyver, The A-Team and Vin Diesel will have found four more sources of naturally occurring stalloneium.

Properties[edit]

Stalloneium produces a huge amount of heat, flame and noise. The actual force of the blast can be capable of tearing through a meter of solid granite or no harder than a strong breeze.

People caught in the fiery blast of exploding stalloneium tend to be killed pretty bad but outside of the flame is relatively safe.

Due to its unusual chemical properties, running quicky from a stalloneium explosion will prevent serious injury, while walking away from it in slow motion will prevent nearly all injury. If you walk away from stalloneium and light a cigarette in slow motion at the moment it (the stalloneium) explodes you stand a 99.7% chance of not even getting your hair messed up.

Due to more unusual chemical properties stalloneium will rarely produce shrapnel, even if stored in a glass building filled with boxes of roofing nails and throwing knives.

Unlike most sources of fire the flames produced by stalloneium will not lap around obstacles. If you see an oncoming stalloneium blast remember to duck and cover. Even a thick cardboard box will provide protection from all but the most severe explosion.

Technological applications[edit]

Stalloneium is the world's only nonnuclear (or nonnukeyular, for those of you without fancy book learnin's) variable yield explosive. The actual mass of the stalloneium charge is not as important as the detonation system it's attached to.

The first stalloneium detonator was developed by Finnish chemist Olaf Plott. A detonator designed to control the explosive yield of a stalloneium charge is known as a Plott Device.

The insertion of a Plott Device can change the characteristics of the explosion depending on the needs of the storyline. The size of the explosion is normally inversely proportional to the quality of the Plott Device. With the right type of low quality Plott Device, as little as 10 square inches of pure stalloneium can level a city block, a battleship or an enemy hideout.

Cigarettes[edit]

Scientists are still searching for the unusual connection between cigarettes and stalloneium. Aside from the protective powers provided by lighting up in slow motion discarded cigarettes have been known to cause stalloneium detonations of awesome magnitude.

If you ever find yourself in ...an action packed thrill ride or ...this summer's blockbuster adventure! you might want to buy some smokes.

1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 121Aw Awesomnium 122Ky Kryptonite
 
Alkali Metal
 
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Halogen
 
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