Tin

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“Tin, that is. Metalic gold. Cornish tea.”

~ Jeb Bush on Tin
This picture of Betty Grable turned up in a Google image search for tin. Now do you believe that tin's cool?

Tin - mightiest of the elements! Tin, is the cornerstone of all our modern technology. Without tin, there'd be no television, egg-timers, sandlewood incense, zeppelins or pornography. There wouldn't even be any democracy, since all democratic institutions are composed of 15-18% tin alloys.

In spite of it's importance, the popularity of tin has been sliding in recent years, and its CEO (Chief Elemental Officer) has indicated that the element may be rebadged in the near future.

The Chemistry of Tin[edit]

Tin, in its pure form, is composed of 100% tin, (atomic number 50, chemical symbol Symbol.gif). Tin is highly ductile and resists corrosion. It likes rainy days and long walks on the beach. But be gentle with it - its heart has been broken before and it remains vulnerable and may form the dioxyde Sn02 if you hurt it.

Allotropes of Tin[edit]

Tin comes in many, many exciting allotropes such as grey tin, beige tin and puce tin, none of which have any known applications. Rumour has it that the upcoming rebadging of tin will lead to such allotropes as 'soothing meadow tin', 'burnt sienna tin' and 'double shot decaf caramel latte tin'.

The History of Tin[edit]

The Star of Cornwall tin nugget. This, the largest known single nugget of pure tin, has since been cut down to nearly half its original size. It forms the centrepiece of Queen Elizabeth II's Sunday Best Crown.

For the first several billion years of its existence, tin ore remained in the ground, doing little or nothing. Time passed. Then some more time passed. Addition time passed, then nothing happened for a bit, then there was a sort of interlude, followed by a long pause, then finally someone dug it up and smelted it.

Since that fateful day, tin has been at the centre of human affairs. The ancient cavemen constructed their flint spears and built fires from tin. When Anthony Hopkins assassinated Julius Caesar, he used a tin knife. Early Popes, fearful that the power of tin would rival their own, tried to excommunicate it. Mohammed proclaimed tin 'kinda nice'. The Gupta Emperors of northern India became so wealthy that they built whole palaces full of tin concubines.

The Twentieth Century produced two rivals for tin's long dominance. Through the Russian Revolution, Lenin sought to make bismuth the dominant metal, while the German and Japanese Fascists sought to place antimony at the centre of human society. But tin, sweet, honest tin, conquered all.

Tin Pan Alley[edit]

Irving Berlin writes Alexander's Ragtime Band

From 1885 to the 1930s, tin was central to the American music industry. From the Great Tune Rush onwards, tune prospectors congregated at Tin Pan Alley in New York to pan for tunes in the Hudson River. This is a very simple form of tune mining; all the miner needs is a tin pan and a vial of mercury, which bonds to the tunedust in the alluvial sand.

After the heady early days of the tunerush, individual mining operations became steadily less profitable. Larger, better capitalized miners such as Irving Berlin and the Gerschwin Brothers began to take over. Nowadays, most tunes are produced synthetically, thereby eliminating the need for these outmoded practices.

Tinnitus[edit]

Not everything about tin is good. Only most of it. There is the small problem of tinnitus, a disease caused by long term contact with tin. Sufferers experience a ringing or buzzing noise in one or both ears.

But is this really so bad? I mean, imagine if your boss is giving you grief, and you just can't hear him because of tinnitus. Or if you ask a girl out and she says 'No, <insert name here>, not in a million years, you worthless loser'. If you had tinnitus, you could pretend you didn't hear her and say 'Great! I'll pick you up at seven.'

I mean, you still wouldn't score, but at least you wouldn't be eating your Big Mac alone that night.

1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2 He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 121Aw Awesomnium 122Ky Kryptonite
 
Alkali Metal
 
Alkaline Earth
 
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Basic Metal
 
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Nonmetal
 
Halogen
 
Noble Gas
 
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Unverifide
 
Actinide
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