Periodic table

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A picture of IKEA's periodic table. It is currently the only piece of IKEA furniture that contains traces of all 118 elements.

The Periodic Table of Elements (also called the "Sometimes Table" or "Occasional Table") can refer to any piece of furniture containing all 118 elements as long as it is periodically a table. Since 118 is such a large number, many scientists and other individuals pride themselves in memorizing every element in a periodic table, though few people find this impressive at all.

History[edit | edit source]

The original periodic table was devised by the Russian grandfather of Davy Jones of The Monkees, a refugee from Tsarist persecution, in 1917. It had eleven elements, including wood, fire, tea, and permafrost (Pf). The last is the only one that remains a member.

The periodic table assumed its present form in October 2016, when the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC) approved the names of three new elements, disbarred four others that had been masquerading as legitimate elements, adjudicated on rival claims for the symbol Bi, and readmitted scandium, which had been suspended after a valency-fixing scandal in 1992. This necessitated moving around the atomic numbers of several more elements to make them fit a basically rectangular table, and (with some reluctance) dropping Group XXIII and Period Wendy in their entirety. The elements there were redistributed as equitably as possible, with iron finally moving back to its traditional atomic number of 26, after several decades at 22, six months at 27, and a stint during the last war as both 52 and 54. The ragged, gap-toothed appearance of the 1970s-style table was thereby removed, to the relief of most chemistry teachers, who had been increasingly embarrassed at why there were no elements 40, 44, or 55, and a surely excessive eleven with atomic number 19, distributed all across the periodic table.

Apart from the renaming of terbium as laurenbacallium despite there being already two elements with that name, probably the most controversial of the changes was the relegation of bikinium, biscottium, and bistortium to 'deprecated' status, in favour of one that most chemists admitted never having heard of, bismuth. Rumours abounded that it was made up by the judges at the last moment to avoid having to rule on the claims of the more genuine elements. The Bikinium Defence League (BDL) has taken the IUPAC to the International Criminal Court in The Hague.

The elements is rearranged into alphabetical order in 2020 to make memorization so much easier.

go to hell

The reorganized table due to come into force in 2020, to make memorization so much easier.

Memorizing the periodic table[edit | edit source]

Method 1[edit | edit source]

Although this is an effective way of memorizing the periodic table, it is not recommended.

One method of memorizing the periodic table involves first taking all the elements' atomic symbols and arranging them in order based on atomic number. Next, simply create a mnemonic with each word containing an atomic symbol (For example, hydrogen's atomic symbol is H, so the first word in the mnemonic could be Harold). A classic example of this method containing all 118 elements is provided below:

Beryllium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, Neon, Sodium (you need a knack to remember this), Magnesium, Aluminum, Silly silicon, Phosphorus, Sulfur, Chlorine, Argon, Potassium (no knack needed here), Calcium, Scandium, Titanium, Vanadium, Chromium, Manganese, Iron (Fucking heck), Cobalt, Nickel, Copper (sounds like Cupper), Zinc, Gallium, Germanium, Arsenic, Selenium, Bromine, Krypton, Rubidium, Strontium, Yttrium, Zirconium, Niobium, Molybdenum (not pronounced mole-lee-buh-den-uhm, apparently), Technetium, Ruthenium, Rhodium, Palladium, Aggressive Silver, Cadmium, Indium, Snacks in a Tin can, Submarines full of Antimony, Tellurium, Iodine, Xenon, Cesium, Barium, Lanthanum, Cerium, Praseodymium, Neodymium, Promethium, Samarium, Europium, Gadolinium, Terbium, Dysprosium, Holmium, Erbium, Thulium, Ytterbium, Lutetium, Hafnium, Tantalum, Tungsten (What the fuck), Rhenium, Osmium, Iridium, Platinum, Gold (Au!), Hugging Mercury, Thallium, Plumber's Lead, Bismuth, Polonium, Astatine, Radon-infused delicious and "edible" sweets, Francium, Radium, Actinium, Thorium, Protactinium, Uranium, Neptunium, Plutonium, Americium, Curium, Berkelium, Californium, Einsteinium, Fermium, Mendelevium, Nobelium, Lawrencium, Rutherfordium, Dubnium, Seaborgium, Bohrium, Hassium, Meitnerium, Darmstadtium, Roentgenium, Copernicium, 日本イヤム (one hundred thirteenth element), Flerovium, Москваium, Livermorium, Tennessine, and Oganesson.

Recite this phrase a few times, and you'll find yourself learning the periodic table in no time!

Method 2[edit | edit source]

Songs. They're how we learn our ABCs (the alphabet song), our Do, Re, Mi's (Do, a deer), and the various mechanical parts included in modern buses and the unique onomatopoeic sounds produced by them (The Wheels on the Bus). Thus, Tom Leher decided to create a song about the elements to help people remember the periodic table. Just click on the video below and start singing along. The song's slow pace and easy to remember lyrics will have you spitting out the elements in no time.

ytterbium[edit | edit source]

Ytterbium, was named after a scientist yeeted a strange substance in a vile, it hit the floor and broke of course.

A buttplug filled with Ytterbium. Why? I don't know!

oganesson[edit | edit source]

Without oganesson, there would be no 118 elements. Ununoctium is oganesson and denial of this fact can be sentenced with up to 3 seconds of tickling.

See also[edit | edit source]

Periodic Table of Elements:

 Make sure you memorize these for the test!

Alkaline Earth
Snob Gas
1H Hydrogen 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18Ar Argent
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21Sc Scandinavium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29 Cu Copper 30 Zn Zinc 31 Ga Gallium 32 Ge Germanium 33 As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35 Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 99Te Tedium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Caesium 56 Ba Barium 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rhenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88 Ra Radium 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides 104 Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111 Uuu Unununium 112 Cn Copernicium 113 Nh Nihonium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
119Un Uncyclopedium 120 Ub Unobtanium 121 Aeo Awesomnium 122Fa Fartium 123St Stalinium 124Ob Obamium 125Sl Stalloneium 126 Ad Adamantium 127 Vb Vibranium -1SuStupidium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2*Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium 4.5Op Opium Hu Homoerectium
57 La Lanthanum 58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Pentium 62 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium
89 Ac Actinium 90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95 Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99 Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium