Surprisium
| Surprisium | |||||
| |||||
| Physical Properties | |||||
| Atomic symbol: | Ah | ||||
| Atomic number: | 122 | ||||
| Melting point: | 370K | ||||
| Boiling point: | Whenever the fuck it wants to K | ||||
| Isotopes: | At least 23 | ||||
| Electronegativity: | Nobody cares | ||||
| Flavor: | Scared | ||||
| Kinkiness: | High, but only on cocaine | ||||
| Appearance: | Cool or scary solid | ||||
| Origin: | Practical jokes, unordinary events and things | ||||
 Surprisium reacting with Fartium | |||||
“Why, that is surprising!”
Surprisium, also known as the Element of Surprise, is the only atomic element known to sn- JESUS FUCK! As I was saying, sneak up on people. It is also known to appear in unexpected situations or events. It is the 42nd element in alphabetical order from Fartium.
History[edit | edit source]
Surprisium was discovered in 1983 by a scientist from MIT attempting to find a way for the Boston Red Sox to win a World Series. However, the closest they got was a ground ball rolling past the first baseman in the wrong half of the inning. They wouldn't get a chance to test again until 2004, when they were unable to use Surprisium for a sudden absence of the element, which had been taken by time travelers to supply the aftermath of 9-11.
Properties[edit | edit source]
Surprisium owns several lakefront houses in Maine, a beachside cottage in the Outer Banks, a cabin in Montana, and a permanent residence in Denver. They also own 20 acres of forest in Vermont, a 200 acre ranch in Wyoming, and a small plot of desert in Nevada, adjacent to where they do Burning Man.
Chemical Properties[edit | edit source]
Surprisium is similar in appearance to Moron and Boron. Melting at only 370 Kelvin, it can be melted in a microwave on the "popcorn" setting. One should not attempt to use Surprisium as popcorn or popcorn dressing.
Uses[edit | edit source]
Surprisium is often used to- GAH! What the actual hell, man? Anyways, it's created and combusted rapidly whenever somebody gets surprised or sees something surprising. A large dose can be harmful or even fatal to most people. Symptoms of Surprisium poisoning include heart attacks, heavy breathing, penis loss, attempting to cut oneself's head off with a chainsaw, and becoming gay and moving to San Francisco. Large doses are often used in suicide attempts.
Uses Worth Something[edit | edit source]
Unless you want to become gay, move to a dumb city, and/or die.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
Well, I've run out of stuff to say. Weren't you surprised it was so short? That's what we were going at here. So in conclusion, Surprisium is a versa- HOLY SHIT! You scared me! Wait, you wish I was dead? That's surprising, I've been nothing but nice to you! Is that a knife? No! NO! NOOOOOO! AAAAAAA-
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.