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This is the first thing that came up when I googled "xenon," although I don’t think this is xenon. Wait a sec, I googled Lennon. How the hell did I do that? The X and the L aren’t even near each other.

So you want to know about xenon, eh? Well, you've come to the right place. I, for one, know a ton of stuff about xenon. Like, I know it starts with an X, and that’s pretty cool. I mean, no other words start with the letter X. Except for xylophone, but that’s like the only other word that does. In fact, I think that xylophone is more famous for starting with an X than for being a musical instrument. C’mon, who plays the xylophone?

Anyway, xenon starts with an X too, which is cool, and it also means it’s either pronounced zee-non or ecksee-non. Although, I think its pronounced the first way. After all, the X makes a Z sound in xylophone... Which is weird. Why doesn’t X get its own sound? That’s stupid. There shouldn’t even be a letter X to begin with. All we need is Z if X makes a Z sound. Now you might say, "But X doesn't make a Z sound in words like fox and Mexico." True, but then it's making the same sound as CKS. If fox was spelled focks, no one would care. We really don't need X at all. The only purpose X serves is making your name sound cool if it has an X in it. I mean, Xavier is cool name. Ckavier... not so much. Maybe X is alright, although I think that Q is a stupid letter too. Why do we need Q? All that "U follows Q" nonsense is just confusing. Plus, Q doesn't make its own sound either. It makes a K sound. Stupid Q.

The History of Xenon[edit]

Now, that's what xenon looks like, all purpley and stuff.

What? Oh right, back to xenon. As I said before, I'm totally an expert on xenon. I haven't even scraped the surface of all the xenon related information stored in my brain. And I most certainly know the history of xenon, I'm just blanking on it right now. Let's see, I think someone once told me that my headlights were xenon. Or maybe they said they were broken... Well, it doesn't really matter. I'll use the first thing. So, xenon was invented for use in headlights by, um, people who like headlights. Sounds plausible. What else? It's purple. And it starts with an X. And it rhymes with fenon. Oh wait, fenon isn't a word. Well, if fenon was a word, xenon would rhyme with it. I mean xenon would rhyme with "fenon," not with "it." I was using "it" to represent the word "fenon," not the word "it." Just so you know. Okay.

Questions running through my head[edit]

Oh My God, all this thinking about xenon is driving me crazy. There are so many questions running through my head right now. Everything from "What is xenon?" to "Why am I writing about xenon?" to "How do I find out more about xenon?" to "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" That last question might sound unrelated, but it’s not. You see, I can barely pronounce the word xenon, and it's impossible to say that tongue twister, so there. Also, woodchuck is a funny word, and I like saying it. And you know what else is a funny word. Prune. And chainsaw. And platypus and armadillo. I mean, if someone told you a story about a woodchuck, a platypus, and an armadillo who eat prunes and use chainsaws, you’d be in stitches.

Where does that phrase come from anyway?[edit]

There's tons more information in the Wikipedia article on xenon. I only read the first sentence, but it was still pretty cool.

That's interesting. "To be in stitches." I wonder how that originated. When people used to laugh, did they rupture their appendix or something and have to get surgery? Probably not. I guess it's just one of those phrases. People say it, but it doesn't mean anything. Another one of those phrases. "U can't touch this." Of course U can't touch anything. It doesn't have arms, a body, or a mind. It's just a letter. And a stupid letter at that. All U does is follow Q, which we don't need to begin with. God, our language is confusing. There too many letters and weird rules. Why can't we be more like morse code? There are only two stinkin' letters in Morse code and you've yourself a language! Why can't we do that? It would sure be easier for kids to memorize the alphabet.

Back to Xenon[edit]

Okay, so I was talking to this guy about xenon, because, you know, I wanted to show off my vast amounts of knowledge on the subject. But this guy was a total expert on xenon or something because he told me that xenon was (get ready for this) an ELEMENT! I know, I was shocked too. I thought that the elements were Earth, Air, Water, and Fire, but I guess that those years of watching Avatar: The Last Airbender on Nicktoons were misleading. Anyway, this dude was like, "Wait, you're having a conversation with me about xenon and you don't even know that it's an element?" And I'm like, "Wow, could you be more arrogant?" I just left after that. I mean, why would I want to talk to someone who mocks me when I don't know some obscure fact? What a douche.

See Also[edit]

1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2 He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 121Aw Awesomnium 122Ky Kryptonite
Alkali Metal
Alkaline Earth
Transition Metal
Basic Metal
Noble Gas
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