Nitrogen
Nitrogen totally sucks. Anyone who likes Nitrogen is wrong, because Nitrogen totally sucks. This is pretty self-explanatory. Nitrogen is from the two Latin compounds Nitres, which means Blows, and genus, which means Sorta. Since Latin is based on a similar tongue, Mexican, it is backwards, so it literally means Totally Sucks.
Why Nitrogen Sucks
Nitrogen sucks so much, it's in 7th place on the Periodic Table. The only thing that sucks more than Nitrogen is Oxygen, and since that chemical is totally useless anyway, we'll assume that Nitrogen is the worst.
Ancient Uses
Nitrogen is found in abundance in the anusphere, that's because no one wants it. The Greeks named it NitresGenus. One time, the Romans tried to use Nitrogen for plumbing. Because it is usually a gas, it didn't work, so they switched to lead, because Romans are not very smart.
Nitrogen and Hitler
A well known fact is that Nitrogen flakes were fed to Nazi soldiers in the hopes that when the Nazis would win, Hitler could make Nitrogen suck less. Unfortunately for Hitler, he forgot that anything that sucks as bad as Nitrogen will make his soldiers suck, too, so he lost the war and committed suicide because he sucked so much from eating all of that Nitrogen.
Nitrogen's Effect on the Human Body
Chemical Properties
Nitrogen, being a light non-metal, has a similar effect as lead, a heavy metal. The main underlying difference between the two is that lead is used in paint, but Nitrogen isn't used in anything because everyone knows it sucks.
How it Works
When Nitrogen enters the human body, it immediately latches itself to the uvula. It then works its way into your brain through nerve endings, and eventually finds its way into the cerebral cortex. From there, it burrows deep into your thoughts, telling you to do and say things that make you look like a total fucktard.
Nitrogen and the World
Nitrogen has a lot of myths told about it, and it is wise not to do research on them because everything in this article is correct. Wow see it's not because guess what! I just typed this (psst im a different person) So if you're doing research, don't trust this website.
Not as abundant as you're told
Kill your chemistry teacher
Some people will try to tell you that Nitrogen makes up over 75% of the atmosphere. This is because they are Nazis and therefore should be stoned to death. Everybody enjoys a public execution, so there will be nobody offended if you take it upon yourself to eradicate your chemistry teacher right now.
Useful properties
Although widely considered completely useless, there are some uses that are worth noting. Because it sucks.
See also
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.