Tedium

“Its what we men use to please our partners”

~ Colonel Angus on Tedium

“It's my favorite element!!!”

~ Teddy Roosevelt on Tedium

“An Element, Tedium be.”

~ Yoda on Tedium

“I invented Tedium on the seventh day.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tedium

Basic Facts

• Tedium is the third most popular element on the planet Earth and the best in bed , behind RocketScieintisum and Wiium
  

  Tedium in it's purest state.
• Every living thing has Tedium in it.
• Teddy Bears themselves are composed entirely of Tedium.
• The elemental symbol for Tedium is: Bz (standing for something completely ridiculous to keep in form with Potasium ($K$,) Silver ($Ag$,) and numerous other misnamed symbolic elements.
• Is an outstanding conductor of Kinetic Energy. It Quickly transforms all types of kinetic Energy into Photonic Light Energy.

History of Tedium

Discovery

Tedium was discovered in the 1700s by accident. A brilliant philospher, Arachnamedies, a grotesque looking man with spider like qualities, was attempting to kill all the flies in his home. (He planned on eating them later that day.) Arachnamedies spotted a fly upon the tip of his favorite Teddy Bear's nose. He lunged forward and brought his fly-swatter down upon the soon to be meal. In his fury Arachnamedies failed to hold back his eagerness to kill the fly and ended up tearing apart his favorite Teddy Bear with his fly swatter. It's internal essence spilled out onto the ground surrounding Arachnamedies and subsequently blinded him. All but one of his eyes worked from that day onward.

• For those of you who did not just cut class from your Basic Physics Class, The kinetic energy placed into the Tedium element was converted and released as a photonic light energy. Thus, the light blinded the philosopher Arachnamedies.

Arachnamedies ended up spending the rest of his life determining what happened that fateful day by enlisting help from long-time friend and permanent Man-Card Holder, John Wayne. Wayne soon realized that the substance that Arachnamedies stumbled upon was, in fact, an entirely new element. Whoopdee-freakin'-doo! Wayne quickly built a robot duplicate of himself and left it with his blind friend. Wayne took credit for the discovery of himself in 1784. It wasn't until the 1900's when radio was invented, that Arachnemedie's descendants realized what had happened. Wayne confessed to the allegations pressed on him by the Arachnamedies family and agreed to give them half the rights to the discovery of the element.

To date, that has earned them US$6.74.

Uses of Tedium

Tedium can be found naturally in Grizzly Bears, which are made up of 75% Tedium.

After Tedium was first discovered it's only use was to release a blinding light upon impact with a solid object. During the American Revolution Tedium was first put to use as the first Flash-Bang gernades. The british soldiers held one of the greatest Teddy Bear factories in all of the World and so they implemented the element the most during the battles. The results were devestating. Entire American lines fell to the might of the Tedium based flash-bangs, and it seemed that the war would be won by the British without losing more than a handful of souls. Unfortunately for the Brits, the Americans issued The Proclamation of Independence, not to be comfused with the Declaration of Independence, in which they objected to the use of the flash-bangs, on the grounds that the entire United States supply of males was going blind and if this continued the U.S. would be evry angry indeed. The most famous line form the Proclimation is:]]

“Please dear god, don't use those retarded Flash-bang Gernades anymore! They are completely ridiculous and unfair. Think about it, you have an unfair advantage over us because of your access to Tedium and we have no Tedium in any part of the United States. So please, please would you stop using those darn things?”

~ Thomas Jefferson

Finally, after much wining and complaining on the American's parts, the British agreed to demolish their factory and stop producing the Tedium based Flash-Bangs.

The U.S. Stood and smiled as the factory was leveled, for the U.S Did have the world's largest, natural supply of Tedium, Grizzly Bears. The U.S went quickly to work killing the Grizzly's and sucking the Tedium out of them using a special Meat Cleaver designed by the United States' Department of Offense(DOO). The U.S became the world's largest carrier of Tedium and began building the "evil" flash-bangs for their own use. The British were furious.

Periodic Table of Elements:

 Make sure you memorize these for the test!

Alkali   Alkaline Earth   Transition   Basic

Semimetal   Nonmetal   Halogen   Snoble Gas

Lanthanide   Actinide   Awesomnide   Unverifide

1H Hydrogen

2He Helium

3Li Lithium

4Be Beryllium

5B Boron

6C Carbon

7N Nitrogen

8O Oxygen

9F Fluorine

10Ne Neon

11Na Sodium

12 Mg Magnesium

13Al Aluminum

14 Si Silicon

15 P Phosphorus

16 S Sulfur

17Cl Chlorine

18Ar Argent

19 K Potassium

20 Ca Calcium

21Sc Scandinavium

22Ti Titanium

23 V Vanadium

24Cr Chromium

25 Mn Manganese

26Fe Iron

27 Co Cobalt

28Ni Nickel

29 Cu Copper

30 Zn Zinc

31 Ga Gallium

32 Ge Germanium

33 As Arsenic

34 Se Selenium

35 Br Bromine

36Kr Krypton

37 Rb Rubidium

38 Sr Strontium

39 Y Yttrium

40 Zr Zirconium

41 Nb Niobium

42 Mo Molybdenum

43 Tc Technetium

44 Ru Ruthenium

45 Rh Rhodium

46 Pd Palladium

47Ag Silver

48 Cd Cadmium

49In Indium

50Sn Tin

51 Sb Antimony

99Te Tedium

53 I Iodine

54Xe Xenon

55 Cs Caesium

56 Ba Barium

57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides

72 Hf Hafnium

73 Ta Tantalum

74 W Tungsten

75 Re Rhenium

76 Os Osmium

77 Ir Iridium

78Pt Platinum

79Au Gold

80Hg Mercury

81 Tl Thallium

82Pb Lead

83Bi Bismuth

84Po Polonium

85 At Astatine

86Rn Radon

87 Fr Francium

88 Ra Radium

89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides

104 Rf Rutherfordium

105 Db Dubnium

106 Sg Seaborgium

107 Bh Bohrium

108 Hs Hassium

109 Mt Meitnerium

110 Ds Darmstadtium

111 Uuu Unununium

112 Cn Copernicium

113 Nh Nihonium

114 Fl Flerovium

115 Mc Moscovium

116 Lv Livermorium

117 Ts Tennessine

118 Og Oganesson

119Un Uncyclopedium

120 Ub Unobtanium

121 Aeo Awesomnium

122Fa Fartium

123St Stalinium

124Ob Obamium

125Sl Stalloneium

126 Ad Adamantium

127 Vb Vibranium

-1SuStupidium

1/5Bm Brucium

1/2*Ch Cheesium

3/4Pl Plotonium

4.5Op Opium

∞Hu Homoerectium

57 La Lanthanum

58 Ce Cerium

59Pr Praseodymium

60 Nd Neodymium

61 Pm Pentium

62 Sm Samarium

63 Eu Europium

64 Gd Gadolinium

65 Tb Terbium

66 Dy Dysprosium

67 Ho Holmium

68 Er Erbium

69 Tm Thulium

70 Yb Ytterbium

71 Lu Lutetium

89 Ac Actinium

90 Th Thorium

91 Pa Protactinium

92U Uranium

93 Np Neptunium

94Pu Plutonium

95 Am Americium

96 Cm Curium

97 Bk Berkelium

98 Cf Californium

99 Es Einsteinium

100 Fm Fermium

101 Md Mendelevium

102 No Nobelium

103 Lr Lawrencium

Aluminum · Argent · Arsenic · Awesomnium · Beryllium · Bismuth · Boron · Bromine · Brucium · Caesium · Cheesium · Chromium · Carbon · Cobalt · Copper · Francium · Fluorine · Gallium · Gold · Helium · Homoerectium · Hydrogen (Deuterium / Impersonation) · Iron · Fartium · Kryptonite · Lead · Lithium · Mercury · Neon · Neodymium · Nickel · Nitrogen · Obamium · Opium · Oxygen · Parodymium · Platinum · Plotonium · Plutonium · Polonium · Radium · Radon · Scandinavium · Silver · Sodium · Stalinium · Stalloneium · Tedium · Tin · Unobtanium (Unobtainium) · Unununium · Uranium (Human / Depletion) · Vanadium · Xenon · Zinc

*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.