Carbon

Carbon, derived from the Greek car ("global") and bon ("warming"), is a chemical element in the idiotic table, with the symbol C and atomic number ${\dfrac {\sqrt {6{\sqrt[{0.5}]{\sqrt {\frac {{\sqrt {144}}\pm {\sqrt {0}}i}{\sqrt[{10}]{528}}}}}[k^{2}+{\cfrac {1}{\pi +1}}-{\cfrac {\sqrt {\sqrt {x}}}{{\sqrt {\sqrt {x}}}(\pi +1)}}+(e+k)(e-k)]}}{e}}$.

Carbon is the scientifically proven cause of all the world's problems, and has many allotropes such as chocolate and Frisbees™. Diamonds are composed of carbon, so that nice ring that you gave a loved one ... Well, it isn't exactly showing love. Carbon also has the ability to repel the living dead, which makes it especially useful in the event of a zombie attack.

History

Carbon was first invented by caveman Patrick Moore in the year 350BC as a constituent for his new power source, fire.

Carbon also once formed a group that stood up to a significant threat by the element Boron to contort space-time. The conflict became known as the Periodic Table wars.

Overview

Carbon occurs in all Organic Life® and is the basis for organic chemistry. It has the unusual nature of being able to destroy any environment it is present in, and it can also form Convenient Bonds with itself and other elements. It is a non-metal, and explodes in the presence of heavy metal music. Its tetravalent tendency allows it to form many pure-carbon allotropes, for example, Bucky's Balls as well as tens of billions of trillions of carbon-based compounds.

Allotropes

Carbon forms many allotropes, almost all of which cause at least one of the world's problems.

• The simplest allotrope, chocolate, consists of molecules each containing fifty carbon atoms, and is the primary cause of obesity. The presence of chocolate in the bloodstream at minute (fr: "my newt") concentrations causes the body to swell and gain weight.
• Single molecules of carbon, each in the shape of a circle 15–25cm in diameter, consist of 300 billion carbon atoms. Its non-polar structure creates a strong electrostatic attraction between its molecules and fragile objects, on contact with such objects the attraction causes the fragility of the object to resonate, causing it to break into several pieces. The attractive force is exactly proportional to the value of the object multiplied by its tendency to break on impact.
• A thankfully rare allotrope known as Satanite consists of molecules containing 666 carbon atoms. Satanite explodes violently on contact with anything, and a single molecule has enough toxicity to destroy all life on a planet within seconds. Satanite occurs naturally in the centre of black holes and as a solution (providing it is below its exploding temperature with water, 3 degrees kelvin) has a pH of -666,666,666,666.6 recurring.

Compounds

Carbon forms tens of billions of trillions of compounds, however they all share similar properties, such as the ability to cause severe problems to the natural environment, the ability to have needlessly complicated names and the ability to cause environmentalistss to protest in their masses.

One of the most useful applications of carbon is in Nanna Tubes.

Sources

Carbon exists in nature as a black solid, known as coal found near China, and as a black gloopy liquid, known as oil found directly beneath American soldiers or Saudi Arabian figureheads.

Isotopes

There are only three known isotopes of carbon:

1. Carbon 12 has six neutrons and is known as the most abundant isotope, commonly found in rat poo.
2. Carbon 13 has seven neutrons and is known as the unluckiest isotope, said to be the cause of Oscar Wilde's homosexuality.
3. Carbon 14 has eight neutrons and is radioactive, with a half-life of about 5,000 years. It's used to trick scientists into believing the world is older than it actually is.

Periodic Table of Elements:

 Make sure you memorize these for the test!

Alkali   Alkaline Earth   Transition   Basic

Semimetal   Nonmetal   Halogen   Snoble Gas

Lanthanide   Actinide   Awesomnide   Unverifide

1H Hydrogen

2He Helium

3Li Lithium

4Be Beryllium

5B Boron

6C Carbon

7N Nitrogen

8O Oxygen

9F Fluorine

10Ne Neon

11Na Sodium

12 Mg Magnesium

13Al Aluminum

14 Si Silicon

15 P Phosphorus

16 S Sulfur

17Cl Chlorine

18Ar Argent

19 K Potassium

20 Ca Calcium

21Sc Scandinavium

22Ti Titanium

23 V Vanadium

24Cr Chromium

25 Mn Manganese

26Fe Iron

27 Co Cobalt

28Ni Nickel

29 Cu Copper

30 Zn Zinc

31 Ga Gallium

32 Ge Germanium

33 As Arsenic

34 Se Selenium

35 Br Bromine

36Kr Krypton

37 Rb Rubidium

38 Sr Strontium

39 Y Yttrium

40 Zr Zirconium

41 Nb Niobium

42 Mo Molybdenum

43 Tc Technetium

44 Ru Ruthenium

45 Rh Rhodium

46 Pd Palladium

47Ag Silver

48 Cd Cadmium

49In Indium

50Sn Tin

51 Sb Antimony

99Te Tedium

53 I Iodine

54Xe Xenon

55 Cs Caesium

56 Ba Barium

57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides

72 Hf Hafnium

73 Ta Tantalum

74 W Tungsten

75 Re Rhenium

76 Os Osmium

77 Ir Iridium

78Pt Platinum

79Au Gold

80Hg Mercury

81 Tl Thallium

82Pb Lead

83Bi Bismuth

84Po Polonium

85 At Astatine

86Rn Radon

87 Fr Francium

88 Ra Radium

89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides

104 Rf Rutherfordium

105 Db Dubnium

106 Sg Seaborgium

107 Bh Bohrium

108 Hs Hassium

109 Mt Meitnerium

110 Ds Darmstadtium

111 Uuu Unununium

112 Cn Copernicium

113 Nh Nihonium

114 Fl Flerovium

115 Mc Moscovium

116 Lv Livermorium

117 Ts Tennessine

118 Og Oganesson

119Un Uncyclopedium

120 Ub Unobtanium

121 Aeo Awesomnium

122Fa Fartium

123St Stalinium

124Ob Obamium

125Sl Stalloneium

126 Ad Adamantium

127 Vb Vibranium

-1SuStupidium

1/5Bm Brucium

1/2*Ch Cheesium

3/4Pl Plotonium

4.5Op Opium

∞Hu Homoerectium

57 La Lanthanum

58 Ce Cerium

59Pr Praseodymium

60 Nd Neodymium

61 Pm Pentium

62 Sm Samarium

63 Eu Europium

64 Gd Gadolinium

65 Tb Terbium

66 Dy Dysprosium

67 Ho Holmium

68 Er Erbium

69 Tm Thulium

70 Yb Ytterbium

71 Lu Lutetium

89 Ac Actinium

90 Th Thorium

91 Pa Protactinium

92U Uranium

93 Np Neptunium

94Pu Plutonium

95 Am Americium

96 Cm Curium

97 Bk Berkelium

98 Cf Californium

99 Es Einsteinium

100 Fm Fermium

101 Md Mendelevium

102 No Nobelium

103 Lr Lawrencium

Aluminum · Argent · Arsenic · Awesomnium · Beryllium · Bismuth · Boron · Bromine · Brucium · Caesium · Cerium · Cheesium · Chromium · Carbon · Cobalt · Copper · Francium · Fluorine · Gallium · Gold · Helium · Homoerectium · Hydrogen (Deuterium / Impersonation) · Iron · Fartium · Kryptonite · Lead · Lithium · Mercury · Natrium · Neon · Neodymium · Nickel · Nihonium · Nitrogen · Obamium · Opium · Oxygen · Praseodymium · Platinum · Plotonium · Plutonium · Polonium · Radium · Radon · Ruthenium · Samarium · Scandinavium · Silver · Stalinium · Stalloneium · Tedium · Terbium · Tin · Tungsten · Unobtanium (and its impostor) · Unununium · Uranium (Human / Depletion) · Vanadium · Yttrium · Xenon · Zinc

*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.