The Human Element

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The Human Element (more correctly known by its Latin name homoerectium; symbol Hu, atomic number ∞) is an extremely widespread chemical substance with a mysteriously elusive nature. It is unique in being the only chemical element which does not seem to have a specific number of protons, as well as the only one whose distribution is closely regulated by the IUPAC and FCC.

Chemical nature[edit | edit source]

The exact nature of homoerectium is a controversial topic of debate among scientists, as every attempt to study it seems to yield entirely different results. While a large number believe it to be a highly stable element in its "pure" form, there are those who believe it to be more unstable and possibly even prone to radioactive decay and nuclear meltdown. Although a primitive form has purportedly been located in the wild, it is more often unexpectedly discovered in a laboratory setting, or even in the most seemingly mundane of human developments.

Research has led to a third hypothesis being proposed, which has lately gained significant ground among certain physicists. The theory states that while the "pure" form of the element is indeed a primarily stable one, the exact nature depends on a wide array of factors, including the number of protons, neutrons, and electrons in the atom; the number of said protons, neutrons, and electrons in neighboring atoms; the temperature of the surrounding environment; interference from outside sources; and how long it has been since someone bought the scientist in question a beer.

Further studies have shown that homoerectium is found in almost all human brains, and seems to be present in particularly large amounts whenever two or more people get together or meet one another in some other way. Whether it has a positive or a negative effect on those it affects is hard to say, as even the scientists conducting the studies have been shown to have (however faint) traces of the element in their own bodies. It is also commonly found in certain widely-used electronic communications devices, where its exact function is currently being investigated by specialized laboratory known as CISCO.

History[edit | edit source]

Homoerectium was first discovered by accident while researching other topics. While the discovery of marketingbullshittium (as it was then known) has been attributed to many researchers, including Dr. Đùşśąŀəĥøæß, Stephen Hawking, Oscar Wilde, Oprah, the Pope, and Pikachu, no one person can accurately be claimed to have first noticed what would later be known as "the human element". Since history is boring anyway nobody really bothered writing anything down about the discovery, although this may also have been due to a lack of funding to continue research into the subject.

Regulation[edit | edit source]

Homoerectium is often closely controlled to prevent abuse. Current regulation is overseen by a total of four distinct organizations, who must unanimously agree to any changes regarding its distribution and use.

The current organizations responsible for control of homoerectium as of 2007 are:

Applications[edit | edit source]

While no attempts at artificial applications of homoerectium have been successful, it has been noted to spontaneously form and react with varied results within everyday human interactions. However, an interesting side affect has arisen from CISCO's and DOW's frequent public service announcements, particularly those on certain specialized networks: There mere mention of "the human element" seems to have a very pronounced – and indeed, strangely consistent – effect in itself, often leading to unexpectedly increased sales in chemicals, construction materials, cell phones and computer networking equipment. No explanation is currently available for this unusual phenomenon.

1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium 121Aw Awesomnium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 122Ky Kryptonite 123St Stalinium 124Ob Obamium
Alkali Metal
Alkaline Earth
Transition Metal
Basic Metal
Noble Gas
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External links[edit | edit source]