Zinc

“You'll go down like a zinc zeppelin”

~ Queen of Germany on the Queen of England's attempt to start a grunge band

“It tastes like Zinc! ”

“What tastes like Zinc?”

Zinc is a the only element on the periodic table of Tunisia. Tunisian tables are periodic because they appear every 4.7 hours, just in time for dinner.

Souces of Zinc[edit | edit source]

The source of Zinc is unknown. The source of most other objects is also unknown due to the fact that no one knows what a source is.

Zinc as Food[edit | edit source]

Zinc is the primary source of food in Tunisia. Zinc miners collect it from large underground caverns, which is the natural environment for the zinc animal. After being slaugthered and feathered, zinc is ready for preparation. Some people will eat their zinc raw, cracking open its hard plastic shell and eating its innards. This is totally disgusting. The old school way to eat a zinc is to find a big juicy zinc yourself, fight it until its dead take a massive dump on it. Put it in a thin wrapping of aluminum foil and roast it until it turns purple. The only real civilized way to eat zinc is to apply a light breading and deep fry the hell out of it.

Alternate Zinc Cooking Methods[edit | edit source]

Stuck on a stick and roasted over a fire.
Hard boiled in shell,like Phil
Sliced and boiled.
Doused with ketchup.
Slow cooked, often used in soup.
Baked and covered with cheese (popular in Wisconsin).
Mixed with cheese curds and covered with brown gravy (popular in Québec).
Stuffed inside iron, which is in turn stuffed inside copper. This is known as zinoppron.

Other uses of Zinc[edit | edit source]

Zinc can also be used as a construction material. Nearly all homes in Tunisia are made of zinc.

Sometimes large power lines use steel poles covered with the rotting skeletons of zinc. This is done to scare away rust, which is zinc's cousin and is terrified of the corpses. These poles are always placed right up your ass.

Zinc in Popular Culture[edit | edit source]

It is widely known that Zinc Zeppelin was the original name given to Led Zeppelin by Keith Moon, but the Queen of England had already picked out this name for her grunge band and told Keith to change it.

Periodic Table of Elements: Make sure you memorize these for the test

¹H Hydrogen

^∞Hu Homoerectium

^1/5Bm Brucium

^1/2Ch Cheesium

^3/4Pl Plotonium

^1½D Deuterium

^1.5Py Parodymium

²He Helium

³Li Lithium

⁴Be Beryllium

⁵B Boron

⁶C Carbon

⁷N Nitrogen

⁸O Oxygen

⁹ F Fluorine

¹⁰Ne Neon

¹¹Na Sodium

¹² Mg Magnesium

¹³Al Aluminum

¹⁴ Si Silicon

¹⁵ P Phosphorus

¹⁶ S Sulfur

¹⁷Cl Chlorine

¹⁸ Ar Argon

¹⁹ K Potassium

²⁰ Ca Calcium

²¹ Sc Scandium

²²Ti Titanium

²³ V Vanadium

²⁴ Cr Chromium

²⁵ Mn Manganese

²⁶Fe Iron

²⁷ Co Cobalt

²⁸Ni Nickel

²⁹Cu Copper

³⁰Zn Zinc

³¹ Ga Galium

³²Ge Germanium

³³As Arsenic

³⁴ Se Selenium

³⁵Br Bromine

³⁶Kr Krypton

³⁷ Rb Rubidium

³⁸ Sr Strontium

³⁹ Y Yttrium

⁴⁰ Zr Zirconium

⁴¹ Nb Niobium

⁴² Mo Molybdenum

⁴³ Tc Technetium

⁴⁴ Ru Ruthenium

⁴⁵ Rh Rhodium

⁴⁶ Pd Palladium

⁴⁷Ag Silver

⁴⁸ Cd Cadmium

⁴⁹In Indium

⁵⁰Sn Tin

⁵¹ Sb Antimony

⁵² Te Tellurium

⁵³ I Iodine

⁵⁴Xe Xenon

⁵⁵ Cs Cesium

⁵⁶ Ba Barium

⁵⁷ La Lanthanium

⁷² Hf Hafnium

⁷³ Ta Tantalum

⁷⁴ W Tungsten

⁷⁵ Re Rthenium

⁷⁶ Os Osmium

⁷⁷ Ir Iridium

⁷⁸Pt Platinum

⁷⁹Au Gold

⁸⁰Hg Mercury

⁸¹ Tl Thallium

⁸²Pb Lead

⁸³Bi Bismuth

⁸⁴Po Polonium

⁸⁵ At Astatine

⁸⁶Rn Radon

⁸⁷ Fr Francium

⁸⁸Ra Radium

⁸⁹ Ac Actinium

¹⁰⁴Rf Rutherfordium

¹⁰⁵ Db Dubnium

¹⁰⁶ Sg Seaborgium

¹⁰⁷ Bh Bohrium

¹⁰⁸ Hs Hassium

¹⁰⁹ Mt Meitnerium

¹¹⁰ Ds Darmstadtium

¹¹¹Rg Roentgenium

¹¹² Cn Copernicum

¹¹³ Nh Nihomium

¹¹⁴ Fl Flerovium

¹¹⁵ Mc Moscovium

¹¹⁶ Lv Livermorium

¹¹⁷ Ts Tennessine

¹¹⁸ Og Oganesson

Ce Cerium

59Pr Praseodymium

Nd Neodymium

Pm Promethium

Sm Samarium

Eu Europium

Gd Gadolinium

Tb Terbium

Dy Dysprosium

Ho Holmium

Er Erbium

Tm Thulium

Yb Ytterbium

Lu Lutetium

119Ub Unobtanium

120Un Unununium

121Aw Awesomnium