Zinc
“You'll go down like a zinc zeppelin”
“It tastes like Zinc! ”
“What tastes like Zinc?”
Zinc is a the only element on the periodic table of Tunisia. Tunisian tables are periodic because they appear every 4.7 hours, just in time for dinner.
Souces of Zinc[edit | edit source]
The source of Zinc is unknown. The source of most other objects is also unknown due to the fact that no one knows what a source is.
Zinc as Food[edit | edit source]
Zinc is the primary source of food in Tunisia. Zinc miners collect it from large underground caverns, which is the natural environment for the zinc animal. After being slaugthered and feathered, zinc is ready for preparation. Some people will eat their zinc raw, cracking open its hard plastic shell and eating its innards. This is totally disgusting. The old school way to eat a zinc is to find a big juicy zinc yourself, fight it until its dead take a massive dump on it. Put it in a thin wrapping of aluminum foil and roast it until it turns purple. The only real civilized way to eat zinc is to apply a light breading and deep fry the hell out of it.
Alternate Zinc Cooking Methods[edit | edit source]
- Stuck on a stick and roasted over a fire.
- Hard boiled in shell,like Phil
- Sliced and boiled.
- Doused with ketchup.
- Slow cooked, often used in soup.
- Baked and covered with cheese (popular in Wisconsin).
- Mixed with cheese curds and covered with brown gravy (popular in Québec).
- Stuffed inside iron, which is in turn stuffed inside copper. This is known as zinoppron.
Other uses of Zinc[edit | edit source]
Zinc can also be used as a construction material. Nearly all homes in Tunisia are made of zinc.
Sometimes large power lines use steel poles covered with the rotting skeletons of zinc. This is done to scare away rust, which is zinc's cousin and is terrified of the corpses. These poles are always placed right up your ass.
Zinc in Popular Culture[edit | edit source]
It is widely known that Zinc Zeppelin was the original name given to Led Zeppelin by Keith Moon, but the Queen of England had already picked out this name for her grunge band and told Keith to change it.
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | 126 Ad Adamantium | 127 Vb Vibranium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.