Neodymium
| Neodymium | |||||
| |||||
| Physical Properties | |||||
| Atomic symbol: | Nd | ||||
| Atomic number: | 60 | ||||
| Melting point: | 1024K | ||||
| Boiling point: | 3074K | ||||
| Isotopes: | You won't be tested on this | ||||
| Electronegativity: | ~2 | ||||
| Flavor: | Good | ||||
Neodymium is the "newer twin" of the hard-to-separate rare earth metals. It is used in electronic devices, lasers, and the strongest known ferromagnetic materials. In the new century, neodymium has found uses in fashion, entertainment, and culinary arts, generating renewed interest in this humble metal.
Properties[edit | edit source]
Neodymium is a silvery metal that tarnishes quickly in air. Other than making strong magnets and displaying nice colors when incorporated into glass, it's a pretty boring metal.
Many properties of Nd2+ and Pb2+, such as ion radii, electron configuration, and standard electrode potential, are similar; therefore, extrapolating from the toxicity of Pb2+ to biological systems, it is clear that Nd2+ will promote growth in crops.[1] This is a good example of how biology works. The plants take up neodymium, which accumulate in the roots and leaves. Then, they become magnetic, and grow little fruits of neodymium-doped laser gain media crystals.
Fashion and culinary arts[edit | edit source]
Neodymium infrared lasers emit a sinister dim red glow, excellent for laboratory wedding decoration. They are a bold display of strength, representing the wish that the baby will be as high-energy as a Nd:YAG laser.
Some argue against this decorative usage, blaming the metal for being "hostile and antagonistic" and ironically making lasers not kid-friendly. Indeed, the violent tendencies of this metal have been widely discussed, and OSHA-compliant labs are now required to have equipment to melt the laser devices rapidly during emergency, lest the laser machines become sentient and go on a rampant.[2] However, chemists typically like to roast marshmallows with the lasers, saying that infrared lasers brown marshmallows beautifully.
Commercially, neodymium is also gaining traction in mainstream cuisine. Beef patties have been replaced with neodymium patties. To make those, connect a coil to AC current. Place a neodymium ingot in the coil, tune the current so that the ingot is repeled by the generated magnetic field and floats in the coil. Meanwhile, the ingot heats up from the eddy currents and melts. When the ingot starts to develop a dull-red glow, turn off the power supply for the coil and let the molten neodymium drop and pool on a lightly oiled saucepan, to solidify and naturally flatten. The relatively low toxicity of rare-earth metals boosts marketability up a notch, and these patties have recently gained acceptance in Paleo diets.
Before consuming neodymium, it is vital to remove the traces of radioactive promethium impurities using gas-phase chromatography. Homemade devices can be found on eBay. Residual fluoride ions should also be removed via electrolysis to minimize the sharp, oily aftertaste called the "glowstone taint".
In 2023, dining place Flavr Lab gained their first Michelin star for the preliminary work on replacing stir-fry oil with neodymium. Based on earlier data on metal-metal contact angles, they demonstrated that molten neodymium coats the cast iron pan very well, ensuring even heating and great flavor. The ferromagnetism of the dish also makes eating neodymium stir-fries a fun experience.
Society and culture[edit | edit source]
Neodymium dishes and toys have a perforating effect on recipients. They help to break the inner walls of oneself and spark interest in learning. Science aficionado Humus Mucus recounts,
| “ |
I had this friend in middle school who played with some buckyballs and wanted to know how the magnetic magic came about. He did some digging and found out that neodymium is the secret ingredient. Then, he went on Wikipedia, and started out from the neodymium page. From there, he went on to Ferromagnetism, Hund's Rule, Atomic Orbital, Wavefunction, Schrödinger's Equation, Mathematical Physics, and finally Philospohy. He had an axiom-to-universe understanding of the underlying mechanism. Unfortunately, this magnet was too tightly attached to his magnetite head. Once, he managed to get a signature from Messi, and the media couldn't wait to interview him. In front of a constellation of camera flashes, he said, "It was magnetic of the neodymium type! Like how it originates when the exchange interactions win over the dipole repulsion forces..." The media was not dumbfounded. They were angry, buckyball-railgun style angry. It was a bad day for my friend, but even that wouldn't make him shut up about ferromagnetism and antiferromagnetism. |
” |
Notes, just for fun[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Under certain conditions, really. See Tommasi, F., Thomas, P.J., Pagano, G. et al. Review of Rare Earth Elements as Fertilizers and Feed Additives: A Knowledge Gap Analysis. Arch Environ Contam Toxicol 81, 531–540 (2021). [1]
- ↑ Note that the eyelids can't adequately protect the eyes from infrared lasers.
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.