The Fifth Element

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Notice element number 5: Brucium

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Brucium, commonly referred to as The Fifth Element, is the fifth element in the periodic table and has the chemical symbol "Bm". The most common type is blue uniformed in character, although in actual fact several different types of Brucium exist, one being "Maclaneite", a rugged ore which is noted (especially by the Eastern Europeans) for its extreme hardness under pressure. Found to a certain degree in all the worlds oceans, twelve separate ores have been discovered to date.

One of the earliest types of Brucium found was discovered in France and was radioactive. It threw out so much heat it literally got the mercury rising. It has a half-life (or "demi-mort"[1] in French) of about 11 years.

Discovery[edit]

Caution: Improper laboratory use of Brucium often causes the instantaneous staining of ones clothes, hair and skin blue.

The discovery of Brucium was eventually confirmed by Japanese scientist Yip P Kiyay[2] of Nakatomi Laboratories in 1980. He first postulated the existence of Brucium in 1955 when he looked at a picture of the periodic table of elements and realised that there was a gap between element number 4 -Beryllium, and element number 6 - Carbon. At the time, he was making money as a full time gambler playing the slots in Las Vegas. He soon discovered however, that he found moonlighting as a substitute chemistry teacher in a local high school much more satisfying than playing the bandits, and decided to go the whole nine yards by making the move into full time chemical research a few years later in 1963. Ironically, the school which caused him to focus his career on chemistry was only 16 blocks away from where he would finally achieve his goal. Although initially mocked by his superiors, Yip made some extraordinary leaps of logic while searching for the element and, claiming he was being guided by a sixth sense, said he "would succeed against all enemies". Many doubted his sincerity but a mere 17 years later, in 1980, he isolated the elusive element and took his place in the history books (of chemistry).

Uses[edit]

The main use of Brucium is found in the production of armor. It's often used in conjunction with other chemicals to form protective plates which are nigh on unbreakable. These can then be incorporated into tank armour, ballistic vests, string vests, and other protective structures. The vests have been subjected to rigorous testing [3] and are now used mainly in the military services although interestingly the protective use was discovered more or less by accident.

Discovery of the protective uses of Brucium[edit]

Initially the Brucium infused plates were used in food preparation because of their easily cleaned surfaces, and this transferred across into wipe-clean clothing containing Brucium micro-fibers. It was only when a careless keeper at L.A zoo entered the safari reserve after cooking a grease laden, bacon and runny egg sandwich with extra tomato ketchup that the protective qualities of Brucium were realised. Wrapping his food encrusted wipe-clean apron around him, the keeper was able to withstand an attack by twelve monkeys, a Hudson Hawk[4] and several other smaller predators. After the animals were drugged and removed, the keeper, Billy Bathgate, was pronounced well with only minor scratches. "I've no idea what just happened" he said "those animals just went crazy. Thankfully as soon as I realised that they were within striking distance, I wrapped my Brucium apron around me and was able to withstand most of the attack. Only the jackel, Nancy, drew blood."

This is the sort of explosion that Brucium can typically withstand

Radioactive absorptive properties[edit]

Brucium as well as being being useful in crafting buildings with a very strong structural integrity, also has an ability to absorb radioactive neutrons without producing long lived radio-nucleotides which release gamma waves. It's strength and ability to absorb such radiation is key to it's use, not only in nuclear reactors, but also in nuclear bunkers. In fact, if Armageddon ever happened and the apocalypse arrived, it's likely that whoever made it into a Brucium reinforced bunker would be the last man standing.

Use in engineering[edit]

The other notable use of Brucium (again, because of its function as an additive in forming strong metallic structures), is its use in the casting of metal shapes used for precision engineering. Normally a steel jig would be used, however, to be assured of the highest tolerance possible, many companies add Brucium into the cast alloy compound when they really need to make the die hard.[5] Incidentally Williscium (atomic number 74) can make the die hard too.[6]

References[edit]

  1. Lit. Half Death
  2. The bearer of a most unfortunate nickname due to his fondness for older women.*
  3. The string vest did not prove resistant to fire and the wearer was subsequently treated at Beavers Brook Burns Unit, Florida.
  4. A relation of the Red-Tailed Hawk mainly found in Manhattan, the setting for the TV show "Friends".
  5. Just.... I'm sorry....Honestly.
  6. Please...no... oh god... MAKE THIS MADNESS END!

See also[edit]

1H Hydrogen Hu Homoerectium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium D Deuterium 1.5Py Parodymium 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9 F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18 Ar Argon
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21 Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24 Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper 30Zn Zinc 31 Ga Galium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te Tellurium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Cesium 56 Ba Barium 57 La Lanthanium 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rthenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88Ra Radium 89 Ac Actinium 104Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111Rg Roentgenium 112 Cn Copernicum 113 Nh Nihomium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Promethium 61 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium 119Ub Unobtanium 120Un Unununium 121Aw Awesomnium
90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium 122Ky Kryptonite 123St Stalinium
 
Alkali Metal
 
Alkaline Earth
 
Transition Metal
 
Basic Metal
 
Semimetal
 
Nonmetal
 
Halogen
 
Noble Gas
 
Lanthanide
 
Unverifide
 
Actinide
 ( v · t · e ) 

External Links[edit]