Mystery Science Theater 3000

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Dr. Forrester
Well, boys, I'm not screening you a movie tonight.
Thank God!
Dr. Forrester
I found something even better for this week's experiment: Our Uncyclopedia article!
Joel, Tom Servo, and Crow

(Mystery Science Theater 3000's Review of) Mystery Science Theater 3000[edit]


This article is about the original television series. For the 2003 remake, see Mystery Science Theater 3000 (re-imagining).

“Duuuude! This show is bodacious!”

~ 90's kid on MST3K
Ohoho! The joke is that kids in the 90s spoke slang!
Tom Servo
Radical, brah! We should totally catch some gnarly waves once we're done! Get Tony Hawk up in this shit!

“This show isn't funny!”

~ Pauly Shore after casting in Bio-Dome on MST3K
after casting in Bio-Dome on MST3K in bed.

“This show is for the real niggas.”

~ Tupac on MST3K
Well, that's a problem. Not only am I fake; I'm the biggest cracker in the galaxy.

“This show is like a pizza on a pan. In other words, this quote makes no sense.”

~ Oscar Wilde on MST3K
Tom Servo
"Hey, the contract said we had to have an Oscar Wilde quote. It said nothing about it being comprehensible English."
The infamous logo for the televison series.

(CROW) I assume that a mentally disturbed third grader put this one together.

Mystery Science Theater 3000, often abbreviated as MST3K, is a fucked-up Asian-American television science fiction Epic comedy drama series

Sweet! One more descriptor and I'll get a free coupon at Denny's!

specially designed for fans of the B-52s that was created by Douchbaggery The Second and the Third Coming and produced by Gaylord Entertainment, and host by fudgepacker Joel Hodgson

Ooh, what's next? A yo momma joke?

that ran from 1977 to 2007. The show gained tons of followers even God was somehow fond of this great phenomena of a television series.

Tom Servo
Somehow fond? The fact that we made it past the third episode is proof that He's intervening regularly.

The series features a man and his robot sidekicks who are in space station named Bone e.r

Bone e.r? This joke is much too subtle for me. I give up.

because he wanted to because he had nothing else to do

rather then beating up two scientists. Joel and his robot friends enjoy watching bad movies, initially (but not especially limited to) science fiction B-movies. To keep themselves entertained and not look like morons,

Both of which we failed at.

the man and his robots provide a running commentary on each film, making fun of its flaws and wisecracking (or riffing) their way through each reel in the style of a movie night couch sitting. Each film is presented with a superimposition of the man and robots' silhouettes along the bottom of the screen.

The host Hodgson originally played the strong (and mad at times) bright man,

Don't forget incredibly gay!

Joel Robinson, for one through fifthteen-and-a-half seasons. When Hodgson left in September 11, 2001, series head writer Michael J. Nelson replaced him as the destroyer of worlds, Mike Nelson, and continued in the role for the rest of the show's run.

During its thirty years, 5,001 episodes and one feature film, MST3K attained critical acclaim. The series won a Oscar Award in April 7, 2004 and was nominated for a Addicted TV Award in June 6, 2006.

Tom Servo
"Later, the cast was eaten by giant, fanged hams and the crew imploded, ending the series forever."
I picked a bad week to stop smoking meth.


Joel Robinson when he escaped from the the spiritual world.

(MIKE) When did Joel start photoshopping his publicity photos?

(JOEL) I think it looks remarkably like me.

Joel Robinson: An insane, strong, comedic, and bright man that built the robots to do messed up stuff. Poopy stuff.

"Messed up stuff"? Oh, my god! The memories! They're coming back!

Mike Nelson: The mad man destroyer of worlds obviously enjoys blowing up planets with baking soda

Tom Servo
That sounds unhealthy.

and sticks the middle finger at the planet and he almost killed Bobo, Brain Guy, and Pearl Forrester,

(pops up out of nowhere)
I allegedly almost killed them, thank you very much.
Get out of here, Mike! You were never funny!

but is yet comedic.

Mike Nelson during the first time he appeard.
Whose side are you on?

Frank: Is Dr. Clay Forrester's friend who is a idiot and him and Forrester like throwing parties down in Deep 13.

Dr. Clay Forrester: Is sort of a wise-ass douch,

Tom Servo
I am Tom Servo and I approve of this messag.
Crow T.Robot as he appeared for the first time.

but he did the right thing by shooting Joel into space because Joel bullied them

I allegedly bullied them, thank you very much.
Tom Servo
Didn't Mike already do that one?

and he saved Earth by shooting Mike into space right before he rised Satan from the ground.

Pearl Forrester: Is a psycho and is Clay Forrester mother and girl-friend for a very wrong reason. Pearl Forrester killed her son/boyfriend by stabbing him eight times in the chest and when she retired she cloned Michael Myers to bring his madness once agian.

Not Michael Myers! That monster!

Crow: Is a 40% uncontrollable crazy dumbass

Hey, wait a minute...

(but is comedic and fun) robot and almost opened an airlock in the movie that almost killed Tom Servo and Mike Nelson.

Tom Servo's final design.

(TOM SERVO) I look much better in high heels than I thought I would.

Tom Servo The wise, funny, but a tad stupid robot that is in control of himself and is not defective like Crow.

A concept art for Gypsy for the episode where she planned to take revenge on Joel, but he survived from getting launched into space.
Can a robot sue for libel?
Tom Servo
We're in the middle of space. Who the hell would we bring the case to?
Judge Lightyear, of course!
Tom Servo
Wow, you are a dumbass.

Gypsy: Is a mentaly challenged bot because Joel never loved her and got lazy on her.

Blah blah blah, whine whine whine, LOL YOU SPELLED "MENTALLY" WRONG
An art and final design of Cam-Bot.

Bobo: A highly intelligent, giant gorilla capable of telekinesis.

Brain Guy: Isn't smart at all, they just named him that because he's a moving brain.

Cambot: You might think Cambot is the most pointless one becuase he just stands there and records, but if you think about it, who would be showing us the footage?

Dr. Laurence Erhardtedit: Is the smartest and gets bullied the most, but got eaten by Kumonga.

Tom Servo
Kumonga? Those are the giant, fanged hams I was talking about!
Giant, fanged hams
(flies into the theater)
We could really sink our teeth into this. Ba dum tish!


I'll explain in song!:

Oh, somebody just shoot me already!

In a far galaxy in the distant past. Next Thursday, A.D.

Tom Servo
Thursday is funnier than Sunday because it has the word "whores" in it, kinda.
Whore's day? These guys are cleverer than I thought!

There was a guy named Joel, Too different than you or me.

But Barney the Purple Dinosaur told me that nobody's different.

He worked in a satellite loading bay, Just destroying switches to not pay his way; He did his job well with a vicious face, But his bosses were scared of him, so they shot him in the face and into space.

Tom Servo
How does any of that work out at all?
Just think to yourself: It's just a song...

He'll be watching cheesy movies, The worst ever made. Joel says when you got brains, You make brain juice.

So now I'm a fudgepacker and a zombie!

Now keep in mind he can't control When the movies begin or end, Because he doesn't care so, he used the parts of the VCR To make his robot minions.

Robot roll-call: Cambot, Tom Servo,

That's me!

Gypsy, Croooow!

Tom Servo
Right here! (Don't you just love pranking the substitute?)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, Why the fuck you asking me these qustions? It's just a show, you should just shut up you cock eater for Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Thank God that's over.

Now theres a second version of this song:


In the far-too-distant future. Way down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and Not so bright Frank were hatching an good Scheme. They hired a dick by the name of Mike,

Well, I'll give them that.

Just a regular Joel they were scared of. Mike destroyed the experiment and almost the world, but they conked him on the noggin and they shot him into space. (Bitch niggas!)

"Bitch niggas" pretty much describes all of the internet.

He'll be watching cheesy movies, The worst he can find (da-da-da). He doesn't have to sit and watch them all, but he has nothing else to do (bark-bark-bark).

Tom Servo
Who let the dogs out?

Now keep in mind Mike can't control where the movies begin or end (boom-boom-boom) he'll try to keep his sanity with no help of his robot friends.

Tom Servo
Yeah, we're assholes.

Robot Roll Call: Ah, you already know their names.

Damn it! I was gonna go as Seymour Butz this time!

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts (fuck-crap-crap),

"Fuck-crap-crap" pretty much describes all of life.

Just screw yourself it's just a show, you dicks should really just relax for Mystery Science Theater 3000!

Well, that sucked. Who wants to go riff our Conservapedia article now?