Denny's is an American based restaurant chain that specializes in selling huge portions of low-nutrient/high-fat foods. A prominent feature of each Denny’s is a spacious and state of the art vomitorium. Most restaurants are located near busy interstate highways and are open 24 hours a day, much to the dismay of the Food and Drug Administration. Additional attractions include the in-wall vacuum system, which children and perverts love to play with, and witnessing the comings and goings of the dredges of society.
The favorite dish at Denny’s is the Homerun Breakfast, which consists of three whole chickens, a five-pound ham, twenty double-sized lard and flower balls (sometimes called biscuits) and three dozen eggs. The whole meal is then covered in sawmill gravy and deep-fried in bacon fat. A long running tradition is to try to eat the whole thing without the usual two or three trips to the vomitorium, although only a handfull of truly dedicated truckers have ever succeeded in this task.
Things To Do At Denny's[edit | edit source]
- Watch the native mating rituals of local drunks
- Collect used chewing gum from under tables
- Eat massive portions of foods that would make a vulture turn away in disgust
- Hide from family and friends during the holiday season
- Pick up truckers
- Get picked up by truckers
- Learn how to become a trucker
- Pick a fight with the drunks
- Yodel, Yodel I say!!
- Spend the night
- Party all night long!
- Attempt to mate with the in-wall vacuum system
- Love their amazing food
Things Not To Do At Denny's[edit | edit source]
- Eat a well balanced meal
- Whine that your Grand Slam did not come with sausage
- Mingle with the rich and famous (except at the Encino location)
- Meet future spouses (well, not recommended anyway)
- Attempt to mate with the in-wall vacuume system
- go "fat people" hunting
- Leave and not pay the bill
- Use the bathroom
- Be of African descent
Fun Facts![edit | edit source]
- Denny's spelled backwards is the German word for dick
- Similarly, Walt Disney dyslexically took his last name from the late, great Denny Denny.
- Denny's sells enough biscuits every year to fill Oprah's bowels to 3/4 capacity
- If you are at Denny's at exactly 12 midnight you are missing out on time better spent at the bar
- Denny's gets their hamburger meat from the McDonald's dumpster
- Denny's only employs this guy
- This is a bullet point, idiots use these when making lists
- Oscar Wilde refuses to comment on Denny's
- Denny's must stay open at all times or it will implode
- Denny's is the world's number one supplier of vomit
- Due to unknown supernatural forces, all people must make at least one pilgrimage to Denny's within their lifetime.
- IF Denny's were a fastfood chain, they'd specialize in pancakes
- Elton John ate at Denny's once, he never returned
- Denny's is a jellyfish
History[edit | edit source]
Denny's was opened in 1991 by founder and CEO Dennis Rodman. The idea for the restaurant came from his entourage who always seemed hungry for Rodman's mother's home cooking, and you could often hear then saying "hey, lets go to Denny's house to eat". After a while Dennis got sick of his free-loading friends and did what most money-grubbing meglomaniacs have done, found a way to profit from it.
The first Denny's location was opened up in Death Valley, California and was built out in the middle of the desert. Not surprisingly, this location failed to draw much business. A year later, in July of 1992, Rodman got the idea that if he were to put the restaurant near a busy street then business might follow. He surmised that California's highways were the busiest streets in the world and that maybe he should put one there. This second attempt, located off of I-405 in Encino, California would catapult the franchise into the mainstream.
By late 1995 there were over 20,000 Denny's operating around the world with plans to expand until there is a Denny's at every major highway intersection across the globe. You have been warned!
Annual Denny's Syrope Chugging Contest[edit | edit source]
Once a year around Christmas a syrope chugging contest takes place. Usually the contestants are truckers,drunks,and underpaid illegal aliens who mostly hail from south of the border. Whoever wins the contest gets a free Super Slam with no pancakes. No one knows for sure why they don't serve the winner pancakes with their Super Slam but that seems to be some cheap way for them to save money. Below are a list of the following rules of the syrope chugging contest.
- No pushing
- No shoving
- No humping (unless of course you're completly drunk)
- No shouting of racial slurs at your copetitors (unless of course you're completly drunk)
- No drawing of weapons if you lose (come on folks it is only a contest)
- No placing of bets on contestants during the contest (come on this is a family friendly eating establishment)
- No whining if your prized Super Slam does not come with pancakes
Common Quoted Complaints by Denny's Customers[edit | edit source]
- "Can I please speak to a waiter who did not come to this country on a floating door?!"
- "Damit bitch I ordered sausage with my Grand Slam not BACON!"
- "My Grand Slam did not come with sausage."
- "Waiter I don't feel comfortable sitting next to that guy with the turbin and the suspicious briefcase."
- "Waiter I only ordered a glass of orange juice and it has been over a fuckin hour!"
- "Waiter I still don't feel comfortable sitting next to that guy with the turbin and that fuckin suspicious briefcase!"
- "Will you stop screwing around and get me my fuckin breakfast!"
- "Waiter there is a finger in my syrope."
- "Waiter please stop speaking fuckin Spanish and take my order!"
- "I did not order this motherfuckin meal on this motherfuckin menue!"
- "Why in the hell is it so fuckin hard to some decent service around here?!"
- "Waiter what the hell was that loud boom in the bathroom a few minutes ago?!" "Keep it down alright I'm trying to eat!"
- "Waiter there is an terrorist's blood soaked limbs scattered in a destroyed bathroom stall."
- "can i get a waiter that speaks white male?"
- "Excuse me, is that your dog tied up outside the restaurant?"
- "Where's the exit! I swear there was a door there before!"
Denny's and Racism[edit | edit source]
Before the early 90's Denny's didn't serve black people. But then after a series of highly publicized lawsuits by the NAACP, Denny's finally agreed to serve black people. At present, Denny's does serve black people.
When asked by news reporters why Denny's didn't serve black people, the founder of the chain, Dennis Rodman, had this to say, "We don't serve black people 'cause blacks is all cheap. Dine and dash yo!"