Tom Swift

Tom Swift Jr. upon seeing his Electric Girlfriend.

The Tom Swift series were among the most popular children's and young adult's sexy science fiction series. Four series featuring four and a half Toms confused many schoolchildren, foreigners, and parents who thought the newer books were crap. The series featured such brilliant/retarded titles as "Tom Swift and His Flying Lad", "Tom Swift and His Jetmagazine", "Tom Swift and His Rocket Chip", and "Tom Swift and His Electric Paranoia".

Plot

		Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Tippi and Count Bleck were Timpani and Blumiere, respectively, Will stabs Davy Jones's heart, and takes over as captain of the Flying Dutchman, the chick in The Crying Game is a dude, Prince Arthas kills his father and, in the expansion pack, merges with the Lich King, the Elites, Hunters, and most of the Grunts all rebel against the Hierarchs and civil war ensues on High Charity, Verbal Kint is Keyzer Söze, Naminé was erasing Sora's memory, the *real* final boss isn't this guy, it's the Ur-Grue, the Stormbreaker computers release a deadlier, genetically modified type of smallpox when activated, the Wizard of Yendor comes back to life, Brandy Alexander is Shannon's brother, Luke gets shot trying to escape, Venom kills Harry, Santa doesn't exist,and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

Some loyal readers of the Tom Swift series believe they may have found an over all plot that spans all four series. They're not sure what it is, but some think that it's all going to lead to Tom's death. Whichever Tom it is. Interviews with Victor "Granny Smith" Appleton revealed nothing. Other, more sensible gumbies believe that the books are secret government plans to make walking to your mailbox unecessary. Instead, our chidren will be able to look farward to an age when sending mail is as easy as starting your Ultrasonic Pyscoplane!

Characters

Tom Characters

• Tom Swift Sr....

...who rampaged in the 1920s with such high tech devices as radios and black slaves.

• Tom Swift Jr....

...whose adventures included space races, underwater travel, and capitalistic domination. His escapades also included drugs, kidnapping, crime, sabatoge, and melodramatic endings. And these books are for kids???

• Tom Swift Jr. Jr. and Jr. Jr. Jr....

...aren't worth talking about because nobody read the books.

Tom Swift Jr. Characters

• Sandy Swift...

...Tom's vivacious and virginal sibling. She is also the consort of...

• Bud Barkley...

...Tom's best bud and hard-headed enforcer.

• Phyllis Newton...

...Tom's girl.

• Chow Winkler...

...the overweight yet corpulent, cholestorol ridden, Texan chuckhouse cook. His specialty is midnight sandwiches for overworked Tom and/or Bud.

• The Swift's Space Friends...

...the often-featured extraterrestrial intelligent life forms known for helping Tom and company thwart mad scientists and terrorist organizations on many an occasion. Removed from future serials of Swift mayhem because they "...were physically present throughout too many of the books, "hogging the spotlight", as is the saying..."