Starfield
“It's Like Skyrim, but in Space!”
“When will it come out on PS5?”
“5000 hours playtime already, XD LoL n00bs”
“I prefer No Man's Sky.”
Starfield is a completely unplayable closed-world sandbox game made by professional game developers who should have known better than to design such a catastrophe, and would have contributed more to society by playing Fortnite in their mom's basement. The theme song is composed by Imagine Dragons of all artists because they couldn't get any good musicians or bands, so they chose them to compose the theme song.
Release[edit | edit source]
This game was released sometime in 2023, but the game was so forgettable that the month it was released has already been forgotten. No trace of a release date can even be found on the internet. In fact, if there was any justice in the world, the game would have never been released on any date.
Reception and playerbase[edit | edit source]
Starfield was played by people who like space exploration games, but dislike No Man's Sky's feeling of freedom, and want to be forced down a narrow path to do a specific thing that every other player has done. Many gamers note the similarities with Star Citizen with the exception that Starfield, has in fact, been released. However neither game has been finished. Bethesda's unpaid interns have already dragged their sweaty, greasy bodies away from the game to begin releasing urgent modifications. These modifications will address serious problems with Statfield, such as: the characters are wearing clothing.
Uncyclopedia doesn't care about the game that much either, but someone has to document the fails of humanity, and those lying bastards at the parody site certainly won't do it.
This horrible excuse of game design has no lore at all, and only has 1000 planets you can explore, whereas No Man's Sky has hidden lore and 18 quintillion discoverable planets in each of the 256 galaxies.
Components[edit | edit source]
Starfield is made up of many key components.
- Your idiot NPC companions will straight-up murder any alien life-form that even looks at you funny.
- A wide range of loading screens.
- Vasco, the best character.
- Running out of ammo for your various guns at inappropriate times.
- Magic. Yes, magic in a SCI-FI GAME!!!
- Never having enough money to make your ship better in any way.
- Stupid Bethesda not making romance with Vasco an option.
- Hilarious/annoying/random glitches that are a Bethesda trademark.
- JETPACKS!!!!
- A very wide range of loading screens.
- Over-the-top futuristic weapons that look like they came from 1000 years in the future.
- NPCs not reacting to you firing any of said weapons in the air.
- Characters that have become your boy/girlfriend who then verbally imply that you have had sex with them. No sex is shown however, or even cuddling. Hell, Sarah wouldn't even make me a turkey sandwich when I asked nicely.
- Never having enough resources to craft a box for all the plushies and soup that you carry around.
- You, the player who surely has better things to do than play this game.
- The player character somehow carrying an entire armoury worth of guns at once.
