The Sixth Sense

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Sixth Sense
...

"Bruce Willis is dead"

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Distributor Bwena Vista Pictures
Starring Bruce Willis
Haley Joel Osment

The Sixth Sense is a 1999 movie directed by M. Night Shyamalan. It stars Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment.

Plot[edit | edit source]

What Cole actually saw

Warning: this movie is very innapropiate and viewer discretion is advised to young people who dont know what sex is!

The movie starts with Malcolm Crowe (Bruce Willis) and his wife Anna (Olivia Williams) getting wasted at his house. They are admiring Malcolm's new award for best child psychiatrist, and seem to be talking about Dr. Seuss for no reason(seriously, go watch the movie!). They then go upstairs and proceed with sex. But then a sound is heard in the bathroom, and they find a completely naked guy standing there crying. The naked guy starts to talk about how it feels to be scared and about how Malcolm wasn't able to help him. Malcolm then remembers him as Vincent Grey (Donnie Wahlberg), a child from many years ago whom he wasn't able to help. Malcolms drunken wife however, doesn't seem to notice what is happening and just keeps asking Malcolm to come back to bed. Vincent then pulls out a gun and shoots Malcolm in his dick. Malcolm screams. Vincent apologizes saying his aim isn't that good. he shoots again hitting Malcolm in the thigh. Vincent apologizes again. Then the arm, then the knee, then the dick again. Anna just keeps on asking for Malcolm to continue with sex. She then jumps at Malcolm pushing him forward and Vincent finally hits him in the stomach, the bullet going through him and hitting Anna in the groin (she, being drunk, doesn't feel it). Vincent then shoots himself and dies. Anna then realizes what has happened and embraces Malcolm with tears in her eyes. Malcolm lies on his bed saying it's going to be okay and is rushed to the hospital.

The next fall, Malcolm is sitting on a bench in the suburbs, clipboard in hand with the name of his next patient, Cole Sear (Haley Joel Osment), a nine year old boy on drugs. Cole has problems at school with everybody calling him a freak, especially his nemesis, Tommy Tammisimo (Trevor Morgan). He often gets high on crack with his buddies in the school halls. He seems to be able to know peoples darkest secrets such as how the teacher raped one of his students. In class, he gets all crazy and starts calling the teacher "Sluttering Stanley". His teacher gets pissed off at him and beats the fuck out of him, while the girl he raped sits in her seat crying about Cole's words. Cole then kicks the teacher in the nuts and runs to the principals office locks himself in and asks the principal if he can use the phone to call the police. The police arrive and arrest the teacher, with the victim girl as proof. The class looks at Cole with wide eyes and open mouths. Cole tells Malcolm and his mom Lynn (Toni Collette) about the incident. Malcolm sees that he may be able to help Cole now, but the memory of Vincent still haunts him.

Fuck! It's MJ!

During a birthday party, Cole sees a balloon floating up the ceiling in the middle of a spiral staircase. He goes up and hears a voice in the toilet. But the assholes Tommy and and the birthday boy, Derrick push him into the bathroom and lock him in. Cole screams in fear and his mother comes up trying to get him out. She succeeds but Cole comes out unconscious in slow motion. He is taken to a clinic where he lies in a bed with Malcolm at his side. Cole, who has now put all his trust in Malcolm decides to tell him his secret. Scary music comes on. Getting louder. Getting higher. tears on Cole's face. And then..."I see dead people!". This is what has been happening. The drugs give him a genuine power to see dead people!

Malcolm is stunned!

Holy Shit.

Malcolm is stunned...that Cole is that high on drugs! Malcolm goes home not believing Cole. But then he replays a conversation he had with Vincent when Vincent was a kid on a tape recorder. He hears the voice of the ghost and decides to believe Cole's words. They meet in a church the next day and Malcolm suggests to Cole that the ghosts probably don't wanna harm him. He also suggests that if they do try to hurt him, he should bribe them. Cole is reluctant at first, but then he meets a the ghost of a little girl named Kyra (Mischa Barton). She is crying and vomiting inside Cole's little tent which he made himself (a tent he made where he can do his "personal stuff" in private). He runs away, but then decides to try Malcolm's suggestion out. He takes out 10 dollars and bribes the ghost into not hurting him and agrees to help her with whatever problem she has. He and Malcolm then go to her house where her funeral is being held. There, she gives Cole a tape, which he gives to Kyra's father. The father watches the tape. It turns out to be a porno that Kyra tried to make by herself. She is taking off her clothes, pole dancing, eating cherries and doing crack. As Kyra's father starts masturbating to this tape (in public), the video suddenly comes to an end after Kyra's mother comes in and shoots Kyra in the video dead. Kyra's father now sees who was responsible for Kyra's death and calls the police, who quickly arrest the mother.

What Cole does in his little tent.

From then on, Cole never became afraid of the ghosts ever again. Plus, his popularity in school rises quickly as he shows his talent of knowing the secrets of his peer's dead relatives, which the people see as reading minds. During a play, Cole gets the part of King Arthur while Tommy finally gets whats coming to him and plays an idiot. After the play, Malcolm says goodbye to Cole, and Cole goes home and confesses the truth to his mom. He proves it by telling her things about her mother. He explains that when Lynn was in a play as a kid and thought her mother didn't come, she actually was watching in the back. She then starts to believe Cole and everything turns out alright. Later, Cole decides that it's time to go into rehab.

Malcolm returns home to find Anna asleep on the couch. Anna is murmuring to herself about why Malcolm had to leave her. He sees their wedding ring (which he suddenly realizes he has not been wearing) drop from her hand. He backs off in terror as he discovers what is happening. He himself is a ghost. One of the ghosts Cole has been seeing. He suddenly sees no purpose in his life anymore (especially since he doesn't technically have a life anymore) and decides to have one last talk with Anna before leaving. He lets Anna move on with her life and leaves. To hell.

Malcolm getting ready to jack off in the room.

Cast[edit | edit source]

The Senses

As always, M. Night makes a small cameo in this movie.

  • Malcolm Crowe-Bruce Willis
  • Cole Sear-Haley Joel Osment
  • Lynn Sear-Toni Collette
  • Anna Crowe-Olivia Williams
  • Tommy Tammisimo-Trever Morgan
  • Kyra Collins-Mischa Barton
  • David Hasselhoff-Bruce Willis
  • Luke Skywalker-Cole's teacher
  • M. Night Shyamalan-Dr. House
  • Hugh Laurie-M. Night Syamalan