Tantalum
Tantalum is a chemical elephant. It's different from other tantalae in that – rather than defecate normally – it excretes shards of the Rare Earth metal known as tantalum. It has 73 wives, all of whom also shit metal. It is said that consuming the tantalum shat by an elephant provides similar effects to those of kitten huffing, though such reports have yet to be verified. Legend has it that this elephant was discovered by a Dutch mink farmer in the year 1337. Whether he is still alive is unknown.
History[edit | edit source]
Origin[edit | edit source]
Tantalum (the elephant) was born in Congaline, Kenya. It grew just fine until it encountered a little mine, and casually slaughtered the entire mine to eat the tantalum. Once the elephant came out it was changed forever, both internally and socially, as due to having murdered people it became isolated – unprotected from people who would capture it and send it up to the Netherlands.
In Europe[edit | edit source]
Tantalum was originally thought to have been normal, until it started shitting the shards. The shards quickly started oxidizing, and were eventually identified to be, in fact Tantalum.
The elephant was later on captured by the farmer, and kept at his Farm until the farmer died of having a shard of Tantalum shot into his chest. Shockingly, this didn’t fare well with the rest of the population of the Netherlands (now known as Holland-East Holland), and the elephant was sent on a ship to England, then back to the Netherlands. This continued repeatedly, since neither side wanted the elephant, and it just kept pooping tantalum, which drastically lowered its value, which screwed over those who mined it.
Connections to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints[edit | edit source]
Let it be known that Tantalum is currently in the custody of Mitt Romney, a devout Mormon. He keeps it in order to try and lace the air with the tantalum dust and get everyone tripping on it at the same time, thus achieving World domination.
Family[edit | edit source]
While on the ship, Tantalum has tried to spawn with its 73 wives, but said kids were immediately thrown overboard over concerns of the earth being filled with tantalum, given enough time. It's currently unknown if this elephant has parents, or if it just randomly appeared because it wanted to.
In popular culture[edit | edit source]
Tantalum has been depicted in many movies, notably The Lion King, and on milk cartons typically shown laughing at children while throwing its excrement at them. It's also commonly depicted in Mormonism as the steed John Brown used while slaying Nevadan gamblers, due to gambling's being a sin.