UnNews:You're too young to read this article

You're too young to read this article

On August 13, 2025, Uncyclopedia introduced our newfangled AI doohickey to track users' entire browsing and editing history, and use this to guess a user's age with no evidence to back us up. Our AI contraption has determined that you, <insert name here>, are 6 years old and therefore too young to read this article, due to several factors:

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1. Strong language. This article contains language that you would never utter in front of a child, the elderly, your mother, or a priest, rabbi, pastor, nun, Da Pope or other clergy
2. This article contains strongly-worded attacks on people in power, such as Big Tech, big corporations, politicians, lobbyists and manchildren who still watch Nickelodeon. And not the kind of manchild Sabrina Carpenter keeps singing about.
3. Adult subject matter. This article contains material that would never be acceptable for anyone under the age of 18. Or over 18, frankly. Trust us, we're doing you a favor.

Here's how we determined your age:

You are a regular editor of the following articles: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Teletubbies, SpongeBob SquarePants, Spongebob Squarepants Vs. Invader Zim, Rugrats, Nickelodeon, YouTube, Bluey, Sesame Street, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Power Rangers, Power Rangers: The Movie, Cartoon Network, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and finally Blue's Clues. No adult in their right mind would be viewing, let alone participating in, such childish articles. And if you are, grow up, man! Why the hell are you so obsessed with kid shows?

If you are in fact, a kid, carry on (and pardon our French). But if you are an adult and want to prove it, Click Here to provide us with your government-issued ID or other proof of identification.

Sincerely,

Uncyclopedia

Sources

• Emma Keates "YouTube will attempt to divine users' age with AI to automatically instate restrictions" A.V. Club, August 13, 2025