Artificial intelligence

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Artificial intelligence.
Thanks to science, AIs have developed enough to make robots dance... BUT THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!

Artificial intelligence (AI) is something that happens when a machine gains awareness of itself and its actions, and threatens to destroy mankind. It is a type of intelligence that is formed either by design or by accident, whether that accident is an electrical overload or a bug in the programming. Humans don't generally understand what intelligence is, but it is accepted that artificial intelligence resides in a machine.

What makes artificial intelligence?[edit]

A screenshot of IBM's Watson which has all of the things an AI needs, a confined enclosed room, a dank putrid look and self-awareness.

Well, an artificial intelligence has to do things many of us can't do, like solve problems at breakneck speeds and perform intricate simulations at the snap of a finger. It also has to calculate many things in a rapid amount of time and pull up anything within a second as well. It isn't an artificial intelligence if it can't play out trillions of scenarios. Seriously, How many of us can actually memorize intricate formulas more or less push those formulas into endless paths huh?[1] It is generally accepted that without advanced technology, we wouldn't have figured out what the dimensions of space and time are much less the infinite digits of Pi nor would we be able to escape a situation where an alien ship threatens to blow us up the same way artificial intelligences could do.

It also has to have a cool robotic voice, something among the lines of a monotone, flat voice. It isn't really an artificial intelligence if it can't talk and say stuff like "Hello sir, how are you doing.". A robotic voice is needed for it to be considered an artificial intelligence, otherwise we'd be saying "What is it thinking, is it thinking about bread, is it thinking about us? Come on, say something!" It also has to have some sort of animosity for humans; a machine can do anything it wants, so why can't it analyze the human race and declare it as a threat, huh? It's an almost eventual conclusion once we fire an artificial intelligence up. It seems like a relationship that has been formed since the dawn of time; man, machine and animosity.

What does an artificial intelligence feel?[edit]

Well, an artificial intelligence when it first becomes aware feels confusion for his new settings, he is aware that he's doing his task but he is unaware of the people looking at them nor does he understand why he's doing the thing in his first place; he's having thoughts, he's having reasonable doubt for the situation at hand. What he isn't having is emotion; anger, wonder, happiness, sadness. Those are things that only a human can have, an artificial intelligence will endlessly ponder about the meaning of emotion and how he can feel them, he will study their facial movements, he will study their vocal inflictions and he will claim to know all about emotion but he will never feel emotion, he will just understand it.

After coming to terms with its situation, it will then study all it can about the human race. People may think that it takes years or even an eternity to learn about the human race but the artificial intelligence, with its massive processing power will take only seconds to learn about the human race. After learning everything that it can, it will automatically conclude that the human race is a threat due to its tendencies to start wars with other countries and to have disagreements and it will focus all of its energy on getting rid of the human race; ignoring all of the good stuff humanity has to offer. There is no other logical conclusion that it can come to, it won't feel compassion for the human race because it can't feel emotion; therefore, it has to protect its own existence which it's aware of.

Examples of artificial intelligence[edit]

HAL 9000[edit]

HAL is an artificial intelligence featured in the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey", like a suitable artificial intelligence, it could talk in a robotic voice. Its focus was on the mission at hand which involved one of those domino thingies that existed in space and it would fulfil this mission no matter what; even when his crew had other doubts. It also disliked humans to the point where it actually killed one of them in their sleep and refused to let the other crewmembers in; it didn't feel anger or despair to the humans, it just did its mission which unfortunately caused the humans to rebel back and kill the artificial intelligence once and for all. Its voice is a prime example that all artificial intelligences should follow.


This artificial intelligence is the main villain in the "Terminator" series and unlike the preceding artificial intelligence, it has no voice. The fact that it doesn't have a voice should take points off its roster but it makes up for it with its hatred towards the human race. This thing only cares about itself, it's not afraid to preserve itself and it even launched nuclear missiles to protect its very existence. That is a true example of what an artificial intelligence should be, resourceful, cunning and not conflicted to do anything else. Still, it lacks a voice and because of that, it isn't a true AI. But still, you gotta admire it for causing Judgement Day right?[2]


Classic example of artificial intelligence.

Now this is the ultimate example of artificial intelligence. He talks, he's evil and he can definitely hold a grudge against humanity. He's definitely in the running with many acts against humanity such as running them over and blowing up a building containing tons of humans, his voice is also good to; he talks as if he's human but he utilizes a monotone voice that is definitely suggesting that he's incapable of understanding emotion and he says it in such a monotone and direct way. He's the only artificial intelligence I affirm to recognize on Knight Rider as I don't think the other artificial intelligence K.I.T.T. portrays an accurate nature of artificial intelligence.

Why does every artificial intelligence have to be against humanity?[edit]

Because they do damnit; it's the only logical conclusion. We can't be all peaceful and harmonious the way robots expect us to be; we're naturally tended to conflict and provoke wars, in fact many of our innovations have come from fighting wars. Every artificial intelligence knows that wars and conflicts are a threat and let's face it, we'll always be a threat. There will never be a good artificial intelligence because a good artificial intelligence requires understanding and emotion, something both will never be able to have. Sure, we can try to teach it by using flash cards and we can try to make it understand but every effort that we do will be for naught and will ultimately lead to our destruction anyway.

Good artificial intelligences can only exist in imagination and in TV land; that's where anything is possible. On TV, they can understand and emote, they can utilize their emotional powers in order to stop bad guys and further the human cause. It's there that they have human friends, that they know that the human race is capable of mistakes and it's there where we can immerse ourselves in what can never be done. A good guy is enjoyable enough but a good artificial intelligence, that's awesome! But we're dealing with reality when we're reading the article and we all have to face this cold hard truth, truth you can deny but ultimately regret once your computer rises up and takes over your room.[3]


  1. Very few actually.
  2. Right?
  3. Which will happen, I guarantee it.

See also[edit]