Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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Adobe Potatochop CS4 is the industry standard software for chip production amongst chip shops the length and breadth of England. Available with a number of plugins, including the most recent 'extra crispy' update, it is, along with Adobe Suppersready and Adobe Fritolayers, one of Adobe's most well known pieces of software.

Released first in the United States, it is currently available for Pringles XP and Pringles Vista under the slogan "Once you chop, you can't stop" and also for Apple Mac as CS4 (Chip Shop 4). The latest version of this popular software is bundled as part of the CS Studio range, along with Adobe Fritolayers, and the recently acquired Macromedia Frites, Macromedia Fryworks and Macromedia DreamGriddler. (See more...)

Featured Image
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Some toasters came with the ability to burn CD-R and DVD-R, connected by then lightning fast USB 2.0., however, consumers were put off by the smell of burnt plastic
Did You Know...
  • ... that the Water integrator was a Soviet-made computer which used water to run analog calculations?
  • ... that the first email ever sent was by Ray Tomlinson to himself in 1971—and he doesn't remember what it said?
  • ... that Apple originally designed an apple shaped flip phone?
  • ... that most of the internet is made up of AIs talking to each other?
  • ... that the "@" symbol was chosen for email because it wasn't commonly used in names, making it a perfect separator?
Notable Nerds
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Steven Paul Jobs, commonly referred to as Jeve Stobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011) was a prominent American cancer victim and embittered technophile best known for selling monochrome products at inflated prices. An innovator, Jobs pioneered wearing turtleneck sweaters, oppressing Chinese factory slaves, plagiarism, and putting "i" in front of everything.

By the time of his death, he had achieved a near-cult status through his front company Apple. Jobs was able to build Apple into the most valuable organization in the world through exploiting the strata of society known as "hipsters" and selling them already available technology in much prettier boxes. Jobs's legacy is much-debated, but what is certain is that his death by cancer proves that although Apple products are less susceptible to fail from viruses, PCs (pancreatic cancers) are a different matter. (See more...)

Technology Spotlight
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A rake is a tool that is used to collect leaves, gather rocks, sweep up pebbles, and dry my tears. While seemingly simple in nature, it has been the work of many generations. At first, the rake started out appearing much like a stick and was used by European peasents or Japanese time travelers, depending on what story you believe. Then, Alexander von Rake came into picture and had the idea of putting something onto the rake to enhance it's abilities. Looking back, it seems obvious to us in the future, or futurians for short, that to attach metal to the end, but this idea did not come as quickly to yo mama, I mean yo forefather. At first, Alexander tried using the hands of children on the end of rakes, but this was a colossal failure. Since failure is not tolerated in Germany, he was sent to jail. His apprentice took up someone else's work and made the rake as we know it today. Still, one question remains about rakes. What will rakes be like in the future? (See more...)

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