Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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KDE, or the K Desktop Environment, is a desktop environment package - essentially the stuff on the computer people actually use - originally designed for UNIX-like systems and developed around the idea that proper software will always use all available resources. This is more difficult than it might seem; not only do other running programs not wish to share a system's resources, but as time passes and technology improves, the available resources keep expanding, well beyond the capabilities of a single group of applications to effectively hog. Even the primary competitors in the realm of system-hogging, OS-X and Windows, have fallen short of similar goals, despite their more financially-driven reasons for doing so.

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An ultraportable solution to long lines at festivals and concerts, the Crapmobile: for wherever and whenever you need to go...
Did You Know...
  • ... that Nokia used to sell toilet paper?
  • ... that Microsoft Excel has had flight simulators and even Doom hidden in it as Easter eggs?
  • ... that Google was originally called "Backrub"?
  • ... that the first alarm clock could only go off at 4am?
Notable Nerds
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Thomas Alva Edison, Jr. (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an American inventor, industrialist and osteopath engineer. He invented, among other things, electric lighting, motion pictures, sound recording, and so is responsible for Las Vegas, Michael Bay, and Mariah Carey, respectively. Edison is commonly known as the "Idleson", creating "things" that make people very, very lazy and idle.

Edison was by far the most prolific and best inventor of all time, with over five million patents to his name, he also enjoyed his free time killing animals, a trait more common in early stage psychopaths and mass murderers, but his mother still loved him (we can assume).

Edison was born in the little town of Goat Lovers, Ohio on February 11, 1847. He patented his first invention - a belt-driven steam powered rattle - four days later. This made rattling more productive for newborns in Ohio and beyond.

Technology Spotlight
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Input devices are the most important components to a computer. Without input devices, people would have no way of communicating with computers. Without input devices, this website would not exist. Without input devices, nobody would be able to compile a list of input devices. Without input devices, you wouldn't be reading this article and your whole life would be a waste. We should study input devices to learn why we should appreciate them so much. We should use input devices to scroll down this page.

The joystick was the very first input device designed for the computer. This device was built by IBM as a companion piece to their first prototype computer, the BRAINIAC, which was the size of three olympic stadiums and was capable of adding single-digit numbers together.

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