Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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KDE, or the K Desktop Environment, is a desktop environment package - essentially the stuff on the computer people actually use - originally designed for UNIX-like systems and developed around the idea that proper software will always use all available resources. This is more difficult than it might seem; not only do other running programs not wish to share a system's resources, but as time passes and technology improves, the available resources keep expanding, well beyond the capabilities of a single group of applications to effectively hog. Even the primary competitors in the realm of system-hogging, OS-X and Windows, have fallen short of similar goals, despite their more financially-driven reasons for doing so.

Featured Image
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The inventors of the Horse-drawn submarine attempted to use land horses, rather than seahorses, to save a quick buck. Many animals dead!
Did You Know...
  • ... that the Game Boy camera once held a world record as the world's smallest digital camera?
  • ... that Amazon originally only sold books and operated out of Jeff Bezos' garage?
  • ... that "robot" comes from the Czech word "robota," which means "forced labor"?
  • ... that the first alarm clock could only go off at 4am?
  • ... that millions of people once used dial-up?
Notable Nerds
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Elon "Not A Hitler Enthusiast" Musk (born June 28, 1971) is a hair transplant model, Twitter monger, microchip in-braininator, self-declared autist, right hand of the current POTUS, professional baby namer, deadbeat dad, world's most divorced man, and business magnate, which means he hires other people to invent stuff and then gets all the money and fame. Unlike Steve Jobs, who gets undue credit by technology wonks for revolutionizing the smart phone industry, Musk is given undue credit for paving the way to mankind's salvation through his signature line of government-funded penii-shaped rockets and electric cars. This has naturally gone to his head. Nerds have compared him to Iron Man, which is apt, since their technical and engineering genius are both fictions used by billion-dollar corporate doody dump machines to generate loads of money.

Self-declared protector of """free speech""" and capitalism, Musk has founded a string of novelty technology companies, like flying dildo launcher SpaceX or Tesla, which sells cars that will drive themselves into oncoming traffic. On February 6, 2018, he launched his personal Tesla Roadster into space–it can be seen with a telescope, running over the desiccated corpse of Carl Sagan.

Technology Spotlight
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Input devices are the most important components to a computer. Without input devices, people would have no way of communicating with computers. Without input devices, this website would not exist. Without input devices, nobody would be able to compile a list of input devices. Without input devices, you wouldn't be reading this article and your whole life would be a waste. We should study input devices to learn why we should appreciate them so much. We should use input devices to scroll down this page.

The joystick was the very first input device designed for the computer. This device was built by IBM as a companion piece to their first prototype computer, the BRAINIAC, which was the size of three olympic stadiums and was capable of adding single-digit numbers together.

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