Protected page


From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Uncyclopedia Portals: Art · Business · Culinary · Games · History · Music · People · Politics · Religion · Science · Society · Technology · All...
Comedy · Film · Gay · Literature · Pregnancy · Television · Theatre · Video Games (Mario) · Zoology

The Film Portal

Old film.jpg

Film (pronounced fill-um) is as much an artform as it is a business. It was originally developed as a means to display naked people "getting it on" and distributing it to the masses. Films are more commonly known as Brainwashing Sessions (pronounced Ber-rainwashing Sessions). This name came about from the Baze'd faces people get after watching films.

Movies have baffled psychologists as it was found in a study conducted by the government that the majority of movie goers remain expressionless when watching the loss of life, limb, heartbreak, hatred and racism. Moreover it was found that people were often willing to pay money to see such movies, as well as buy food to enjoy themselves while watching it. To this day psychologists still do not fully understand why human beings enjoy watching such movies. Perhaps it is the thought of paying a lot of money to the movies, sitting with stupid noisy people crunching their popcorn, while getting your eyes and ear bombarded by huge screen and noise. Yes, we love movies.. (Full article...)


Highlighted Article

The promotional poster.

The Bourne Pottery Class is the fourth film in the popular Jason Bourne series, starring Matt Damon. The film tells the epic tale of Jason Bourne, the ex-CIA assassin, as he enrolls in a pottery class and learns to make ceramic pots and pans. The film was hailed by critics as "one of the most thrilling depictions of ceramic plate-making since the James Bond movie from the '80s, 'The Spy who Helped Glaze my Clay Vase.'"

The film picks up directly where the last installment, the Bourne Ultimatum, left off--with Jason Bourne swimming in a New York river after falling approximately eight miles from a nearby skyscraper. Bourne swims to the shore and sees a building marked "Mrs. Wheeler's Pottery School."…

Archive Article credit: THE (more…)


Highlighted Image

Attack of the Giant Sockpuppets

A popular spinoff from the movie Beetlejuice, this was the top-grossing film of 2007. Emphasis on the word gross.

Nominate stuff Image credit: BobNewbie Image archive


Did You Know...

 The Straw man was a prominent silent film actor until the end of Hollywood's "Golden Age"
 the Bogeyman is terrible at golf.
 Nicolas Cage started life as Nicholas Coppola, but became known by his current surname because famous film director Uncle Francis Ford Coppola used to keep him confined for protection. Ours.

Highlighted Biography

Akira Kurosawa on the set of the tragically boring film Ran (1985).

Akira Kurosawa was a Japanese filmmaker best known for his many samurai films and period pieces. Kurosawa was one of the most important and influential filmmakers in history, and influenced directors like George Lucas, Francis Ford Coppola, Steven Spielberg, Sergio Leone, and Quentin Tarantino. At one point, Kurosawa was considered one of the greatest directors of all time. However, this former consensus pegging Kurosawa as one of the greatest—if not the greatest—filmmaker of all time has recently changed. The work and studies of a new generation of film scholars—most notably Timmy Brenton (age 14) and Stacy Summers (age 19)—has brought to light a number of flaws inherent in all Kurosawa films.…

Archive Article credit: Guildensternenstein (more...)



What's On?


Film Terminology

File:Ebert Roeper Bird.JPG
Animation  Beta movement  Bond girl  Camera  Carry On Films  Cult film  Digital cinema  Documentary  Experimental film  Fan film  Film criticism  Film festival  Film genre  Film journals and magazines  Film industry  Film theory  History of film  Lost film  Movie Trailer Announcer Guy  Narrative film  Open content film  Persistence of vision  Photographic film  Propaganda  Recording medium  Silent film  Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Film  Sound stage  Web film  World cinema

Other Portals

Portals complement main topics in Uncyclopedia that nobody cares about, and expand upon topics that nobody cares even less about.