Portal:Film
Film (pronounced fill-um) is as much an artform as it is a business. It was originally developed as a means to display naked people "getting it on" and distributing it to the masses. Films are more commonly known as Brainwashing Sessions (pronounced Ber-rainwashing Sessions). This name came about from the Baze'd faces people get after watching films.
Movies have baffled psychologists as it was found in a study conducted by the government that the majority of movie goers remain expressionless when watching the loss of life, limb, heartbreak, hatred and racism. Moreover it was found that people were often willing to pay money to see such movies, as well as buy food to enjoy themselves while watching it. To this day psychologists still do not fully understand why human beings enjoy watching such movies. Perhaps it is the thought of paying a lot of money to the movies, sitting with stupid noisy people crunching their popcorn, while getting your eyes and ear bombarded by huge screen and noise. Yes, we love movies.. (See more...)
The following is an excerpt from A Day In the Life of Armond White
"Honey!" His wife called. "I made you breakfast before you go to work. What do you think?" Armond sat down and tasted some of the breakfast his wife gave him. He winced, swallowed his food, and stared at his wife.
"Is something wrong, Armond?" She queried.
"Yes, dear, there is. In making this breakfast, you have conformed to the typical standards of the 21st century culinary practices. When cooking the pancakes, as a symbol of your loyalty to the self-proclaimed bona fide capitalists rulers of the breakfast industry, you finished them at exactly 30 seconds. Had you, in an independent spirit, flipped each side after a mere 25, you would have shown that your cooking is independent of the large companies such as IHOP and Waffle House that are destroying our morning meals. Instead, you stereotypically conform to the tasteless and overall redundant ideology that plagues many housewives of today."
Akira Kurosawa (黒沢 明) was a Japanese filmmaker best known for his many samurai films and period pieces. Kurosawa was one of the most important and influential filmmakers in history, and influenced directors like George Lucas, Francis Ford Coppola, Steven Spielberg, Sergio Leone, and Quentin Tarantino. At one point, Kurosawa was considered one of the greatest directors of all time. However, this former consensus pegging Kurosawa as one of the greatest – if not the greatest – filmmaker of all time has recently changed. The work and studies of a new generation of film scholars – most notably Timmy Brenton (age 14) and Stacy Summers (age 19) – has brought to light a number of flaws inherent in all Kurosawa films. For instance, Timmy Brenton observes that Kurosawa's films are completely devoid of special effects, explosions, gore, or hot girls, and instead focus on boring things like "the plot" and character development. Stacy Summers (in regards to the social commentary the pervades many Kurosawa films) has made the observation that such things are boring and that she'd "rather just watch The Hills".
- ... that the Straw Man was a prominent silent film actor until the end of Hollywood's "Golden Age"?
- ... that Nicolas Cage started life as Nicholas Coppola, but became known by his current surname because famous film director Uncle Francis Ford Coppola used to keep him confined for protection?
- ... that Christian Bale is the American Psycho?
- ... that Michael Bay is a shallow estuary located near Los Angeles, in which eighty percent of SoCal's clichéd, formulaic action sequences occur?
- ... that Adam Sandler in Uncut Gems proves that sports gambling is great, and you're one parlay from becoming a millionaire?
- James Dean named People magazine's "Sexiest Man Dead" (Pictured)
- Donald Trump kidnapped by European Union, turned into walrus
- Chicago boy found dead was allegedly left home alone by bumbling family
- Actress Michelle Yeoh gifts kevlar helmets to Filipino schoolchildren
- Movie character fails to heed advice of Pennsylvania woman, dies
- Osama bin Laden is rewarded with star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
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