Portal:Film
Film (pronounced fill-um) is as much an artform as it is a business. It was originally developed as a means to display naked people "getting it on" and distributing it to the masses. Films are more commonly known as Brainwashing Sessions (pronounced Ber-rainwashing Sessions). This name came about from the Baze'd faces people get after watching films.
Movies have baffled psychologists as it was found in a study conducted by the government that the majority of movie goers remain expressionless when watching the loss of life, limb, heartbreak, hatred and racism. Moreover it was found that people were often willing to pay money to see such movies, as well as buy food to enjoy themselves while watching it. To this day psychologists still do not fully understand why human beings enjoy watching such movies. Perhaps it is the thought of paying a lot of money to the movies, sitting with stupid noisy people crunching their popcorn, while getting your eyes and ear bombarded by huge screen and noise. Yes, we love movies.. (See more...)
The following is an excerpt from A Day In the Life of Armond White
"Honey!" His wife called. "I made you breakfast before you go to work. What do you think?" Armond sat down and tasted some of the breakfast his wife gave him. He winced, swallowed his food, and stared at his wife.
"Is something wrong, Armond?" She queried.
"Yes, dear, there is. In making this breakfast, you have conformed to the typical standards of the 21st century culinary practices. When cooking the pancakes, as a symbol of your loyalty to the self-proclaimed bona fide capitalists rulers of the breakfast industry, you finished them at exactly 30 seconds. Had you, in an independent spirit, flipped each side after a mere 25, you would have shown that your cooking is independent of the large companies such as IHOP and Waffle House that are destroying our morning meals. Instead, you stereotypically conform to the tasteless and overall redundant ideology that plagues many housewives of today."
Timothy William "Tim" Burton (born August 25, 1958) is an American film director and producer most known for creating several dark and quirky themed films such as Edward Scissorhands and The Nightmare Before Festivus. He mostly makes films with a personal circle of friends (Danny Elfman, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter), only casting other actors outside this circle when extremely necessary, and only in minor, unimportant roles.
Though he is known for directing more unusual types of films, he has also directed mainstream films such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Alice In Wonderland, and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Recently some detractors have criticized Burton for "pandering to the bourgeoisie," due to the ever increasing normality of his films. However much his works may seem to be drifting into the mundane, he is still by far the all-time strangest director to most average movie-goers; although relatively bland compared to Lars von Trier.
- ... that the Straw Man was a prominent silent film actor until the end of Hollywood's "Golden Age"?
- ... that Nicolas Cage started life as Nicholas Coppola, but became known by his current surname because famous film director Uncle Francis Ford Coppola used to keep him confined for protection?
- ... that Christian Bale is the American Psycho?
- ... that Michael Bay is a shallow estuary located near Los Angeles, in which eighty percent of SoCal's clichéd, formulaic action sequences occur?
- ... that Adam Sandler in Uncut Gems proves that sports gambling is great, and you're one parlay from becoming a millionaire?
- James Dean named People magazine's "Sexiest Man Dead" (Pictured)
- Donald Trump kidnapped by European Union, turned into walrus
- Chicago boy found dead was allegedly left home alone by bumbling family
- Actress Michelle Yeoh gifts kevlar helmets to Filipino schoolchildren
- Movie character fails to heed advice of Pennsylvania woman, dies
- Osama bin Laden is rewarded with star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
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