Drugs are gifts from God to bestow the feeling of ambrosia on mere mortals. Not only are Jesus's Necessary Accessories, as He would have liked to call them, extremely cool, but they are multifunctional as well. Drugs have the unique and beneficent properties of:
- Making a person feel happy
- Making him simultaneously cool
- Making everyone else uncool until they start using drugs too.
Drugs throughout history
Drugs have a long and fruitful history full of magic, fancy, significance, and extremely likely exaggeration. Drug use dates back to the twentieth century B.C., where the Ancient Sumerians discovered and cultivated the drug opium. Opium served the useful purpose of keeping the Sumerian civilization occupied and satisfied when the grain crop was insufficient. A crisis occurred when the opium crop failed, but this was solved with the cultivation of codeine some two hundred years later.