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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.


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UnNews:Stop dressing like whores, you whores!

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BNEI BRAK, Israel -- Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!".



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The Messiah, goes to Heaven for three days, to let his Father borrow His glue gun.

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<---Any quotes about Religion you find funny may be added here. You can crop any bad ones you find here.--->

<option>“That was Zen, this is Tao.

Lao Tzu on The Hydrogen bomb.


<option>“Dickness is a side effect of being human.

– Roshi Rev. Zim_ulator on the human condition.



Bruce Campbell on Necronomicon Ex Mortis.

</option> <option>“YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!

– Any pirate on Captain Jesus.

</option> <option>“It's the smart way to get out.

Oscar Wilde on Jehovah witness protection program


<option>“It means every reaction is followed by an action.

Alfred E. Neuman on Karma.


<option>“To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and there'!”

Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.


<option>“Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.

God on Apatheism


<option>“You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.

– Apple iTunes EULA Part 10 on stupid policies

(Don't believe me? Google it!}}


<option>“If you don't agree with absolutely everything I say that means God hates you and you are going to Hell

Fred Phelps on Everyone.

</option> <option> {{Q| God told me to touch you there.|Pope Francis|A child..}


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