Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.



Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.


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Highlighted Featured Article

Attack of the 500 foot Jesus


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The Attack of the 500-foot Jesus will begin on a Tuesday, not far from the Independence, Missouri bus stop you normally pass on your way to work. At approximately six seconds past six minutes past six hours into the day (that's 06:06:06, derived from the number of the beast), 500-foot Jesus will rise from the depths of a nearby underground train station, cracking the ground as He rises up. He will carry two train carriages all the way to downtown Kansas City; the carraiges which will then be thrown into the two tallest buildings in the vicinity.

But on which day, exactly will these events occur? To discover the horrific truth about that, we must plunge into the mysterious and wondrous world of numerology, Mayan calendars, and Microsoft Project 2.0.

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Highlighted Image

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The Messiah, according to Courtnology. Unlike prophecies, this is based in fact.


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Books and Other Media

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Religion in the News

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Quote of the Week

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<---Any quotes about Religion you find funny may be added here. You can crop any bad ones you find here.--->

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That was Zen, this is Tao.
Lao Tzu on The Hydrogen bomb.

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Dickness is a side effect of being human.
– Roshi Rev. Zim_ulator on the human condition.

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Unputdownable!
Bruce Campbell on Necronomicon Ex Mortis.
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YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!
– Any pirate on Captain Jesus.
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It's the smart way to get out.
Oscar Wilde on Jehovah witness protection program

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It means every reaction is followed by an action.
Alfred E. Neuman on Karma.

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To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and there'!”
Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.

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Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.
God on Apatheism

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You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.
– Apple iTunes EULA Part 10 on stupid policies
(Don't believe me? Google it!}}

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If you don't agree with absolutely everything I say that means God hates you and you are going to Hell
Fred Phelps on Everyone.

</option> <option> {{Q| God told me to touch you there.|Pope Francis|A child..}


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Spiritually Bankrupt Articles

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Religious Articles That Need Help