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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Television portal.
The television is a telecommunication system for broadcasting and receiving propaganda, pornography, and laundry detergent advertisements over long distances. The term has come to refer to all the aspects of television programming and transmission as well. The Russian scientist and part-time chauffeur Picov Andropov is with coining the word "television" in 1900. Early experiments were based around mechanical television, using rotating pie plates, shoe trees, and candles. The Scotsman Ewan McTeagle was an important pioneer in the invention of mechanical television, especially the coin-operated variety.

Electronic television, which was much more practical and successful in the long run, with a better picture, was based on the cathode ray tube. The English inventor Alan Archibald Campbell-Swinton did important work in 1907, as did Boris Rosing, a Russian scientist and part-time midwife, working independently, however American Philo Farnsworth is credited with the first working electronic television system, which he demonstrated by watching continuously between 1928 and 1929, despite the lack of any programs on.

Mechanically scanned television broadcasts began in 1928, and electronically scanned broadcasts began in 1936. Television was initially monochrome and color was introduced in the 1950s, with colour introduced the following year after much demand in the UK. It also used terrestrial broadcasting through ground-based transmitters. Later, cable television via overhead and/or underground wiring and then satellite television were introduced. More recently in the 21st century, television has increasingly moved from analog to digital technology.


Highlighted Article

JJ Abrams, producer from the Guardian.
A brutal fact of life is that we all want to be producers of something. It allows us to be in the background when people play the blame game in the foreground when the kudos come a callin'. This guide tells you how to articulate your "talent" and use this guide to Being an American Television Producer.

You'll get to be the coolest person on the planet. However, the profession has become increasingly complex as those Ivy League writers seek to downplay your "ideas" (evil schemes) and brutal moneymaking plans that you have. Your only weapon is a mobile phone and the largest say on how the cash is spent. Some of your time will go towards wooing investors and verbally annihilating your studio acolytes.  (more...)

Article Credit: Sycamore View All

Highlighted News

File:DTV switch1.jpg
What the hell is wrong with this damn thing!?

Lancaster, PA -- My name is Wilford Pissbritches and I'm 74 years old. I've got a bone to pick with you long-haired hippy kids. I've had this TV for as long as I can remember, and now, the goddamned thing won't work worth shit! All I get is some snowy crap, these little white dots and speckles all over this black background. The hell's wrong with this thing?

I am a widowed retired 'Nam veteran and McDonald's cashier, and the shit I go through ain't nothing compared to this hippy-happy nonsense. I tried bringing in my TV to Uncle Charlie's Salvage Emporium, only to find out that old Charlie had been dead for eight years and his grandson owns the store now.  (more...)

Article Credit: PF4Eva View All

Did You Know...

 Neil Patrick Harris hates watching television, unless it's Grey's Anatomy or House MD?
 every time you turn on your television, your high school P.E. teacher cries?
 David Attenborough and Steve Irwin used to be very close friends?
 Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?
 if you watch The Facts of Life backwards episode by episode, it unlocks the secrets of the universe?
 Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?
 William Shatner and Henry Winkler often share girlfriends?
 if your mom hadn't let you watch so much television, you'd find Wikipedia more entertaining than Uncyclopedia?
 Wade Wells isn't really a pixie, it's just her haircut?
 this portal needs more did you knows?

Selected picture

Chuck Norris on TV
Chuck Norris on TV
Image Credit: Joey Wonton
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Highlighted Biography

John Tesh in his early years.
John Frank "E.T." Tesh (born July 9, 1952) has explored and conquered many facets of the entertainment and broadcasting industries. In a surprisingly successful career that now spans more than 25 years, Tesh has become known as a respected leader in Television, Radio, Film, Music, and Space Exploration, rivalled only in popularity by Howard Stern. People worldwide have enjoyed John Tesh; both his music, and his witty quips on “The John Tesh Radio Show,” but what most people don't know is that John Tesh is in fact an alien. That's right. The "E.T." in his name stands for Extra Terrestrial, and has nothing to do with his ten year stint as host of Entertainment Tonight.  (more...)
Article Credit: Zana Dark View All

Things You Can Do

Shut up and watch TV, kids!!

Things You Should Know

Inventors and pioneers:   Alan Archibald Campbell-Swinton  Alan Blumlein  Allen B. DuMont  Boris Grabovsky  Boris Rosing  Charles Francis Jenkins  Constantin Perskyi  David Sarnoff  John Logie Baird  Kálmán Tihanyi  Paul Gottlieb Nipkow  Philo Taylor Farnsworth  Vladimir Zworykin

What's On?

Indian Head test pattern.JPG
HowTo:Find the Remote Control  HowTo:Turn Your Television On  My damn TV won't work  Why?:Is there a hashtag on my TV screen  Why?:Won't this stupid TV work?!?  Indian Head Test Pattern: The Complete First Season  Mystery Science Theater 3000

The A-Team  American Dad  Armenia's Next Top Model  Baldrick  Blackadder  Das Love Boot  Detective Bukkake of the 187th Precinct  Dexter  Ed, Edd n Eddy  Father Knows Best  Frasier  Full House  H.R. Pufnstuf  House M.D.  I Dream of Jeannie  I Love Lucy  Jihad My Ride  Law and Order  Leave it to Beaver  Lost  Mad TV  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic  My Name Is Earl  Opeth  Oscar the Grouch  Paradise Lost  Pimp My Ride  Pinky and the Brain  Prison Break  Robot Chicken  Saturday Night Live  Scooby Doo  Sex and the City  South Park  Star Trek  The Adventures of Stan Lee's Toupee  The Biggest Loser  The Daily Show  The French Prince of Bel Air  The Larry Sanders Show  The Office (US Version)  The Simpsons  The Sopranos  The West Wing  The X-Files  Torchwood  Touched by an Uncle  Wilde On

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