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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Television portal.
The television is a telecommunication system for broadcasting and receiving propaganda, pornography, and laundry detergent advertisements over long distances. The term has come to refer to all the aspects of television programming and transmission as well. The Russian scientist and part-time chauffeur Picov Andropov is with coining the word "television" in 1900. Early experiments were based around mechanical television, using rotating pie plates, shoe trees, and candles. The Scotsman Ewan McTeagle was an important pioneer in the invention of mechanical television, especially the coin-operated variety.
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Electronic television, which was much more practical and successful in the long run, with a better picture, was based on the cathode ray tube. The English inventor Alan Archibald Campbell-Swinton did important work in 1907, as did Boris Rosing, a Russian scientist and part-time midwife, working independently, however American Philo Farnsworth is credited with the first working electronic television system, which he demonstrated by watching continuously between 1928 and 1929, despite the lack of any programs on.

Mechanically scanned television broadcasts began in 1928, and electronically scanned broadcasts began in 1936. Television was initially monochrome and color was introduced in the 1950s, with colour introduced the following year after much demand in the UK. It also used terrestrial broadcasting through ground-based transmitters. Later, cable television via overhead and/or underground wiring and then satellite television were introduced. More recently in the 21st century, television has increasingly moved from analog to digital technology.

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Highlighted Article

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JJ Abrams, producer from the Guardian.
A brutal fact of life is that we all want to be producers of something. It allows us to be in the background when people play the blame game in the foreground when the kudos come a callin'. This guide tells you how to articulate your "talent" and use this guide to Being an American Television Producer.

You'll get to be the coolest person on the planet. However, the profession has become increasingly complex as those Ivy League writers seek to downplay your "ideas" (evil schemes) and brutal moneymaking plans that you have. Your only weapon is a mobile phone and the largest say on how the cash is spent. Some of your time will go towards wooing investors and verbally annihilating your studio acolytes.  (more...)

Article Credit: Sycamore View All
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Highlighted News

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Blasphemy.

ATLANTA, Georgia -- As we know from Christian televangelists, the wrath of God is normally visited upon communities and businesses for their moral degeneracy, or their tolerance thereof. One need only to look at the hurricanes and tsunamis that have recently ravaged the promiscuous and permissive modern-day Sodoms of New Orleans and Thailand, among other places. But God is also wrathful at those who tarnish his message of love and faith with shitty TV shows and movies.

As a case in point, within the past four months God has tried twice to burn down the studios of outspoken Christian film and TV producer Tyler Perry...  (more...)

Article Credit: GlobalTourniquet View All
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Did You Know...

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 Neil Patrick Harris hates watching television, unless it's Grey's Anatomy or House MD?
 every time you turn on your television, your high school P.E. teacher cries?
 David Attenborough and Steve Irwin used to be very close friends?
 Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?
 if you watch The Facts of Life backwards episode by episode, it unlocks the secrets of the universe?
 Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?
 William Shatner and Henry Winkler often share girlfriends?
 if your mom hadn't let you watch so much television, you'd find Wikipedia more entertaining than Uncyclopedia?
 Wade Wells isn't really a pixie, it's just her haircut?
 this portal needs more did you knows?
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What are you watching, Grandma??? This looks like some juvenile shit, can we watch Matlock?
Image Credit: Nightmare2123
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Highlighted Biography

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Oscar at the orphanage.

Oscar, born in the early twentieth century, has become a well-known face around the popular Sesame Street. But unlike the other monsters, who have a reputation of being happy and friendly, Oscar has gathered a reputation for being grouchy. This begs the question; "Why would a man who lives on the happiest place on earth come off as grouchy?" Well, those who ask this are ignorant, and lack insight into this monster's life. A life which is more torn and twisted than this world itself. If only more people knew his story, they would come to see why he can be more or less angry at times. But sadly, this isn't the case. His life has brought him down and as he withers away from this world which has forsaken him, he leaves with the infamous nickname, Oscar the Grouch.  (more...)

Article Credit: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user View All
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Things You Can Do

Shut up and watch TV, kids!!
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Things You Should Know

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Inventors and pioneers:   Alan Archibald Campbell-Swinton  Alan Blumlein  Allen B. DuMont  Boris Grabovsky  Boris Rosing  Charles Francis Jenkins  Constantin Perskyi  David Sarnoff  John Logie Baird  Kálmán Tihanyi  Paul Gottlieb Nipkow  Philo Taylor Farnsworth  Vladimir Zworykin
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What's On?

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HowTo:Find the Remote Control  HowTo:Turn Your Television On  My damn TV won't work  Why?:Is there a hashtag on my TV screen  Why?:Won't this stupid TV work?!?  Indian Head Test Pattern: The Complete First Season  Mystery Science Theater 3000

The A-Team  American Dad  Armenia's Next Top Model  Baldrick  Blackadder  Das Love Boot  Detective Bukkake of the 187th Precinct  Dexter  Ed, Edd n Eddy  Father Knows Best  Frasier  Full House  H.R. Pufnstuf  House M.D.  I Dream of Jeannie  I Love Lucy  Jihad My Ride  Law and Order  Leave it to Beaver  Lost  Mad TV  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic  My Name Is Earl  Opeth  Oscar the Grouch  Paradise Lost  Pimp My Ride  Pinky and the Brain  Prison Break  Robot Chicken  Saturday Night Live  Scooby Doo  Sex and the City  South Park  Star Trek  The Adventures of Stan Lee's Toupee  The Biggest Loser  The Daily Show  The French Prince of Bel Air  The Larry Sanders Show  The Office (US Version)  The Simpsons  The Sopranos  The West Wing  The X-Files  Torchwood  Touched by an Uncle  Wilde On

BBC  BET  Bureaucracy Channel  Cartoon Network  CBC  CNN  CW  DuMont Network  Fox (News)  HBO  History Channel  Hitler Channel  ITV  MTV  Nickelodeon 

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UNCYCLOPEDIA CABLE PROGRAMMING
  2 -  FOX
  3 -  CBS
  π -  DuMont
  4 -  ABC
  5 -  NBC
  6 -  PBS
  7 -  The CW
  9 -  Nine Network
10 -  QVC
11 -  Bravo
12 -  ESPN
13 -  UK HC
14 -  ITV
15 -  USA Network
17 -  Lifetime
20 -  UPN
21 -  CBC
24 -  Discovery
25 -  MTV
27 -  Nick
41 -  BET
55 -  TechTV
57 -  Cartoon Network / Adult Swim
61 -  CNN
67 -  EWTN
75 -  TBC
76 -  PAX
78 -  G4
79 -  BBC
81 -  HBO
216- GB News

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