Protected page

Portal:Television

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Television Portal
Indian Head test pattern.JPG

Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.

Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (See more...)

Broadcasted Article
Pris.jpg

People Pointing Guns at Each Other, known in its first season as Prison Break, is an American serial drama television series on Fox. The series revolves around two brothers who run around the Western Hemisphere pointing guns at people and having guns pointed at them. First, however, they break out of prison.

The series was originally pitched to Fox in 2003 as a story exclusively about people breaking out of prison, but studio execs pointed out that either those people would eventually succeed in breaking out of prison, in which case the series would be over, or else the plot would never go anywhere, in which case the series would be Lost. (See more...)

Featured Image
Tuber.jpg
What's this Jimmy Kimmel bullshit? I want to watch Matlock!
Did You Know?
The more you know...
Featured Personality
JT-hair.jpg

John Frank "E.T." Tesh (born July 9, 1952) has explored and conquered many facets of the entertainment and broadcasting industries. In a surprisingly successful career that now spans more than 25 years, Tesh has become known as a respected leader in Television, Radio, Film, Music, and Space Exploration, rivalled only in popularity by Howard Stern. People worldwide have enjoyed John Tesh; both his music, and his witty quips on “The John Tesh Radio Show,” but what most people don't know is that John Tesh is in fact an alien. That's right. The "E.T." in his name stands for Extra Terrestrial, and has nothing to do with his ten year stint as host of Entertainment Tonight.

John Tesh has a long and well-publicized rivalry with singer Michael Jackson. It began on December 27, 1983, when, during an appearance on The Tonight Show, Michael Jackson launched into a criticism of John Tesh's grooming habits and propensity for goatees. John Tesh reportedly responded by covertly positioning sparklers near the stage during the filming of a Pepsi ad in 1984, setting Jackson's hair on fire when the pyrotechnics display was activated. (See more...)

In the News
Peppapig1.png

MOSCOW, Russia – Recent weeks have seen the yachts of Russian oligarchs successful Russian businessmen unfairly impounded, their business-assets illegally seized, and their houses occupied by fascist activists in the bourgeois capitals of the world; London, Paris, Dubai, and Macclesfield. It was only a matter of time until the Russian government retaliated in kind.

Unlike the reactionary regimes of the West, Russia's government has reacted to unceasing provocation slowly and without anger, only targeting the assets of the most egregious exploiters of the heroic Russian proletariat in a sequence of measured steps. Yesterday, Man of the Year 1999-present, President of the Russian Federation, and Grand Wizard of all the House-elves, Vladimir Putin announced the first riposte in the salvo of devastating industrial blows that will bring the West to its knees. No more will Russian pre-schoolers be subject to pernicious western propaganda, aimed at bringing the next generation to its knees before it can reach maturity. (See more...)

What's On?
More Portals
Portals complement topics that nobody cares about and expand upon topics that everybody cares even less about.