Portal:Society
The Society Portal
Society is an abstract thought of people and culture as an entity, thinking and acting alike. It is the collective goal of humans which is always mistaken to have been achieved, thus subjecting its value and usage to degradation.
Society only finds skinny people attractive, but is fat itself. Society doesn't like to stereotype people, except those damn Mexicans with their beans and rice. Society thinks foreigners should learn English before coming to America, but needs to find an English-speaker when it goes on vacation abroad. Society finds prison rape hilarious. Society believes America to be the greatest country on the motherfucking planet! Society preaches that gays should have equal rights... Just not in front of Society. Society knows that anyone who doesn't stand up during the Star-Spangled Banner is obviously a Communist. Society has no gender, yet seems to favor white Christians. But trust us, Society's not biased or hypocritical at all.
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PERSONAL
ATTN: Staci Loman
1432 Kitchenside Dr.
Probably like, Ohio
Dear Ms. Loman,
I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in absolutely not each other.
Archive | Article credit: The Thinker | (more ) |
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The sum of all human knowledge is in your hand.
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Society in the News
Here's what it looks like if you're doing it right. I don't know what's holding the cardboard up. |
Topeka, KANSAS - So I'm laying around on my mattress, see, bouncing it around every now and then but for the most part just laying there, maybe with the tv running listening to it talk about things, when I get a call from the UnNews front office, person named Cassie. They start talking, doing that "Johnny, how are you old chap" thing. I thought they were a credit collector or some other kind of salesperson, and was about to hang up when I overhear them saying, "Back in March you said your next news report would be about stuff in your room, can you get around to it now, before the first of the year?" I chew on something as I answer 'Sure' and throw the phone down on its back, like a hooker I know named Lucy who doesn't do that for the cheap.
Stuff in my room. Is that what you guys want to read about? I'd think you'd be more interested in ghosts on Mars, or green onions, or what the Queen eats for midnight snack (worms...it's true!). But I'll just educate you on some of the stuff here, what I can see of it.
There's one of those slinky walking things, guy must have made some big bucks who figured out the exact torque on that contraption to make it move down a flight of stairs like a noisy rodent. This slinky has little spikes on it, tiny razors which are embedded in the metal with just enough size to not interfere with the walking movement but actually cuts the wooden stairs or the stairway carpet as it passes……
Archive | Article credit: Aleister | (more...) |
Quote of the Week
Did you know...
- ...that walking is like running very slowly?
- ...that God kills a kitten whenever someone reads an article on tired internet memes?
- ...that shopping without a shopping list is like editing the "Did You Know" list without knowing what the fuck you're doing?
- ...that petting zoos are gonna get a whole lot more fun?
- ...that dropping acid while riding a bike is... OH SHIT!!
- ...that walking is like running very slowly?
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Recent Articles in Society
HowTo:Install a ceiling fan without getting your dick stuck in it | Black sheep | Shit A Shitter Paradox | UnTunes:The Online Stalker Call from Grandma | Alternative Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous | Why?:You shouldn't take acid before riding a bicycle | High school: an essay by an old lonely man in a retirement home | Why?:Fight Club is a cop out? | Bad Directions | An Open Letter to the Cheese Growing in Between My Toes | Nursery | Tapheselachophobia | Let Someone Else Do It | Blacking Up | Dear Diary | If You Know What I Mean
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