Portal:Politics
Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)
Women's Suffrage International (WSI) is a worldwide non-profit organization run entirely by women that strives to let all non-women know how much women have suffered. The organization has achieved great success in Western countries (where men are now painfully aware of how much women have suffered), though it has made little headway in the Middle East, South America, Africa, most of Asia, and Australia (where the suffering of women has been glibly ignored).
For truly as women have suffered since time immemorial, men have ignored their suffering. For example, long-suffering Mary Holcombe of Napoleon, Ohio, has suffered for at least 17 years in her strained, loveless marriage to her "good-for-nothing, beer-swilling" husband Russell. Women's Suffrage aims to help women like Mary spread her suffering to others, so that they, too, may know how badly she suffers.
| “ | I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. | ” |
— Margaret Thatcher... in bed! No?
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Barack Hussein Osama Obama II (born August 4, 1961) was the 44th President of the United States, the first to become so without the benefit of white skin, and the first to admit to being under the influence of marijuana and cocaine during most of his presidency. He was the perfect choice for a nation that, for two decades, had dealt with global adversaries and foreign invaders mostly by singing "Kumbaya".
Obama got his start as a young, shiningly optimistic upstart community organizer in Chicago. He served as an Illinois state senator from 1997 to 2004, and as a U.S. Senator from Illinois from 2005 to 2008. Obama was elected president in 2008 and reelected in 2012, setting out to shake up the system for a brighter and better tomorrow. He also had a cup of coffee in the Senate before starting his successful campaign for the presidency. Black coffee. In a white cup.
As president, Obama's chief accomplishments were policies to stabilize the weak economy, some of which gave the government an alarmingly larger role in the everyday life of citizens, and in turn, created a larger number of alarmed citizens. Critics claimed that Obama's authoritarian tendencies resemble the dystopia portrayed in the book 1984 by George Orwell. Obama responded with a curt "That's double-plus-ungood," and subsequently banned Fox News from the press pool.
- ... that the people of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship, on the condition that they never tell anyone about it?
- ... that the Sunset Advisory Commission is a government agency created solely to combat the tyranny of effective governance?
- ... that famous contemporary portrait painter George W. Bush was once a politician, and even served as U.S. President for a number of years?
- ... that the UKIP political manifesto included a section on using homeless people to save the endangered red squirrel?
- ... that the death of Muammar Gaddafi has severed the thread of prophecy, and now we must persist in the doomed world we have created?
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